Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: We are not open to new posts at this time
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi all,
Wondered if anyone can help.
Ive got a court order that says i am to see my son at a contact centre. Just waiting for the referral. In the meantime i am seeing him supervised by his mum. Not ideal, but as a stepping stone its OK
The problem i have is his mum is trying to turn him against me. Hes saying that he doesnt want to be on his own with me. He cries when its time to come to see me (apparently) and he does get upset if his mum tries to leave him.
If we get to the contact centre and he wont leave his mum, what do they do? She cant stay there, so does that mean i just miss my contact? Or do they force him off her? How much encouragement do they give before they give up? If this doesnt work where can i go to from here? My solicitor is saying maybe a guardian? Whats one of those? Already have a CAFCASS report pending. Thing CAFCASS officer going to suggest that he accompanies contact, so again if son wont leave mum, what happens?
Ta
Hi Tony,
I will ask the Childrens Legal Centre to have a look and see if they are able to answer any of your queries. In the meantime, I'm sure if any of the DadTalkers have experienced this then they will be happy to offer advice.
Gooner :ugeek:
Go and speak to the contact centre as soon as possible. They may suggest that your son goes to see them first, or possibly before contact is due to start, so that he feels comfortable with the staff there and feels safe with them once his mother leaves. Your ex has an obligation to facilitate contact, so she should agree to this. Once the first couple of contacts have gone well, then your son should feel happier going to contact.
The contact centre are there to look after your son's welfare, and they will certainly have had experience of this before.
Dear Tonyl,
Thank you for contacting the Children’s Legal Centre.
If contact is ordered by the court, then this is legally binding and should be allowed by the mother, or she may be penalised by the court.
As part of this the mother is expected to encourage contact and do all she can to make the child feel happier about attending.
As suggested you are able to speak to the contact centre and see if they are able to meet with your son first, and to ask them at what stage they will find that the child is too distressed for contact.
Unfortunately, if the mother believes the child to be too distressed she can refuse to allow the child to stay, although this will be a breach of the court order and can lead to penalties being placed against her if the court feels this it is appropriate.
The contact centre staff will not force your child off of his mother, but are able to try and encourage him and coax him away. It will be for them to decide at what stage to stop doing this.
A guardian is someone who represents the child in proceedings as a separate person, the way that you and the mother are represented. The judge will make the decision as to whether it is suitable for the child to be a party to proceedings (by way of a guardian) and this will often happen in cases where there is particular hostility regarding contact or residence, where there are serious allegations of abuse during proceedings, when a child’s welfare can not adequately be met without him being a party, where the CAFCASS officer feels this is appropriate and other such situations.
This may mean that there is some delay in proceedings whilst the guardian is appointed. The guardian will often be a CAFCASS officer.
It is very common that the CAFCASS officer attends contact on one or more occasions and views how the contact is progressing and this will often be included in the officer’s report to the court. The CAFCASS officer is also able to state whether they believe that the parties have been making a valid effort to comply with what has been ordered by the court.
We hope that this information is useful to you. If you require further advice we do suggest that you speak with your solicitor as this person is involved in your case and is able to give much more accurate and detailed advice than what we are following a basic outline of the situation.
We wish you luck with this matter.
Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
