Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi,
I'm writing this on behalf of my partner. He has two children with his ex both of whom he has parental resposibilty for. Apologies in advance as this is a long story but we are desperately in need of advice.
In September 2011 my partner left his ex. Initially, she moved from Cornwall to Oxfordshire to be near her family and there was a shared residency agreement which meant that my partner drove to and from Oxford every fortnight to take his son back down to Cornwall for two weeks. This arrangement stopped in March 2012 as my partner suffered a breakdown due to abuse and emotional blackmail from his ex. The court ordered that contact should remain in Oxfordshire and that his ex should make the children available for 'reasonable' contact. However, due to the distance and financial issues he was only able to visit every couple of months.
He has had a clean bill of health since May of last year and doctors records to prove it. He is also compliant with his medication and engaging in long term therapy to ensure a long term recovery and management of his condition. We have letters to this effect.
I'm a mature student and arranged a transfer of my degree from Exeter to Oxford Brookes so that we could move to the area and we duly moved in Feb.
Within a week his ex was threatening to move to Leicestershire, then Southend. Prior to this she had talked of moving to Bournmouth, Switzerland and of moving back to Cornwall. Our initial plan was to remain in Cornwall until the eldest was in school full time so that we knew she would be reasonably settled in one place. (He starts school Sept 14) but when the court order was upheld we changed our plans and moved as quickly as possible.
The final court hearing regarding the youngest child was supposed to be to grant parental responsibilty as he was ill and unable to attend the birth registration. My partner was not represented in court but his ex was. When he got to court he was presented with a statement which was a pack of lies frankly and therefore there is a separate order in place insisting on supervised contact for the youngest.
Despite all this we now have the eldest child twice during the week and he stays with us at weekends. However, she will only allow my partner to see the youngest at her home. Relations between them are awful and she thinks nothing of screaming at him infront of the children so my partner is reluctant to see them in her presence.
He set up mediation as she still carries a great deal of anger for splitting up with her but she has refused to entertain it. He also asked if he could see the youngest in a contact centre so that he wouldn't have to witness mummy screaming at daddy. She refused.
Ideally we would like to get the order overturned as it's ridiculous that his ex feels that whilst he is safe enough to be trusted with his 3 year old he is unable to care for a one year old.
However, she has increasingly been sending texts to the effect that she is now moving to Southend which is over two hours away. My partner has an amazing bond with his eldest and it would destroy him not to have his daddy in his life. She has admitted in various texts that she is moving to get away from him. However, in the year that we were in Cornwall she berated him constantly for being an absent dad despite the fact she chose to move 5 hours away, she is now seeking to put him in the same position again.
Obviously, we can't spend our lives jumping from place to place at her whims and we are concerned foremost about the impact it would have on the children.
Please help.
The fact you moved to have contact will speak volumes.
If she is threatening to move far away again, I suggest you for a Prohibited Steps Order to prevent her from doing this, even more so that she is moving from here, there and everywhere! It is not providing a stable life for the children.
As contact with the youngest is so difficult, what about a Defined Contact Order, requesting the court that contact take place in a contact centre. Screaming at your partner in front of children is not healthy either.
Hi There and welcome.
as your partners ex won't attend mediation then your only option may be to apply to the courts for an amendmant order, to have the current order changed, you may also be able to apply to the court to stop her from moving again, as you have already moved to be nearer then I'm sure a judge would look towards you with favour.
Keep all txt emails that you have recieved and also sent as this will build a picture for the judge too, to apply to the courts it will cost £200 but it sounds as though it would be worth it for what you could gain.
I would send coppies of the doctors letters/reports with the application and also ask your partners employer (if he is working) to also write a reference about his health too.
GTTS
Thanks both of you for your advice. It's very much appreciated and we will be looking into all of your suggestions. Thanks once again and if anyone else has anything to offer we'd be most grateful. We need all the advice we can get!
Hi las and welcome 🙂
Just a couple of points....you said in your post that at the final hearing which was for PR for the youngest child, there was a statement produced that was full of lies and a separate order was put in place for supervised contact. A bit further on you said that your partner had requested contact at a contact centre, which is supervised contact...this was refused by the mother. If there was a supervised contact order in place then if she refuses this your partner is entitled to go back to court for enforcement of the order.
You also mention that your partner had set up Mediation which she had refused.... her refusal will allow the Mediator to issue your partner with a form FM1 which he would need to submit to court with the application for contact, a PSO, or an enforcement order. Contact and the PSO are applied for with the C100 form, for the enforcement application it would be a C79 form. Also if your partner is on a low income or benefits he would be entitled to an exemption for the court fees and this would be claimed with an EX160a form.
Thank you Nannyjane that's really useful information. The mediation group told us that they would provide us with evidence that my partner had attempted to set it up should we go back to court but your advice regarding the contact centre is very handy. I felt sure that she couldn't say no to it as it would be supervised but I was unsure how to go about enforcing it so thank you.
Really, it is a farce that my partner is deemed safe enough to have his eldest child half the week unsupervised but the youngest has a separate order so in the long term we would be looking at having the same contact order for both children. However, for the moment it is one step at a time and him being able to see the youngest without the worry of his ex causing a scene is the priority so thanks very much!
Hi las... 🙂
I think a letter might be the first step here, you can either write it yourself or get a solicitor to write to her, but there would be a charge for that! You would need to remind her that you have a Supervised Contact Order, quote the date it was ordered, the case number, which court it was heard at, and the judges name. Make it as professional and as formal as a solicitor would. Point out that by refusing contact at a Contact Centre she is in breach of the order and you will not hesitate to return to court to enforce the order.
I'll give you a link to the National Association of Child Contact Centres website, its a very good site, theres a helpline, and you will be able to find a registered Centre close to you that you can reference in the letter to her. Give her no opportunity to delay! By providing this information you are giving her a fait accompli!
Finally give her a time limit to respond, either 7 or 14 days, after which if she has not replied you will have no alternative but to submit the application for Enforcement.
Heres the link - www.naccc.org.uk
Best of luck 🙂
Thank you very much once again. I mentioned to my partner that writing a formal letter would be a good step so it's reassuring to know I'm on the right track thank x
I think the point you made about your partner being suitable for regular contact with his older son is something I would be stressing a lot in court - you are quite correct in my opinion that this should reflect that there should be no issues which could justify restricting contact with his younger son.
And I'll just add that it sounds like your partner is lucky to have found someone who is very supportive of him 🙂
Aww thanks! He's such a wonderful father and he's moved the world to maintain a relationship with his boys. Thanks for the advice, it is something we will be stressing. Such a shame that an amazing father and two innocent children are constantly subjected to the vindictive whims of one woman but it seems it's a common story from reading the posts on here. Thanks again.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.