[Solved] Contact for child

Hi I am new to this site and thought it would be beneficial to share my experience on the site to gain some advice as well as some support from those who have been through the run of the mill as it is not easy and help me not to worry all the time. I hope i have the correct chat room of the forum..Ok so here goes

I got married to my missus in Sept 2011 everything was great the only issue was that we fell pregnant quite early on in the marriage. It was a complete suprise to both but we were both happy. I was over the moon as i love kids and marriage was a step in the right direction to start a family and raise kids.

So, we broke the news to people after 2 months. Until her mother got involved. She started to ask whether my wife can stay with her 2months prior to birth and then 40days after. This being a cultural gab, i diplomatically declined but i never stopped her from going to her parents as and when she needed. We live 10 mins apart from relatives. Reason being i felt it was my obligation to take care of her throught preganancy it was the first child on both sides of the family. 3 months into pregancy her mother was asking again, and then to my parents hoping that i would change my mind, but it was ludicrous. My wife never discussed this with me or asked me directly but i did explain to her my reason and showed as much support and affection towards her. So then, 4 months into pregnancy my wife after staying at her parents home for a week, decided to alledge that 'i threw her out of the house to me and my family'...no police, no proof just a lie. We resolved eventually but i became weary of accusations and something did not seem right. But everything was going smoothly from then on.

I attended all antenatal classes, scans , gp appoitments regarding our child. Until at at 8 months preganant last August 2012 left to go and spend time with her family to which she refused to return. Prior to leaving we had a massive fight alledging this time i was being unfaithful to her, and that a ex gf of mine from 10 years ago had been messaging her claiming we were together. When i asked her to show me the message she conveniently deleted it, out of anger!!! Again another proffless accusation. Not to mention my ex gf didnt even know i was married or my wifes name!! She, became incommunicado and staged this accusation i believe to her family who were then preventing me to see her or her speak with me at such a crucial moment. I realised that at the time she left was close to her mothers 2 months prior to birth as she was due late sept 2012. Anyhow she gave birth without telling me and refused me access at the hospital when i found out.

I eventually got my family members involved and went to her parents to see my new son 2-3 days later. They the family were painting the perfect picture. I was trying to understand why my wife did this and to the point why is she not suddenly wanting to return with our child. I would like to point out that her eldest brother unfortunately had two still borns, due to pre-eclympsia. The other brother just cant concieve.

Anyway i went to make my marriage work, bring back my wife and son however my wife had become a different person. She began to accuse my family of having control of me and that i should not have any contact etc etc, more silly claims, mocking and accusations. Trying to break a home to make a home. After all her rant she agreed and promised she would come back but didnt. instead cleared our joint account.

So i began to visit the home every other day to bond with my son and work with my wife. to my horror the first thing i noticed in her bedroom (downstairs converted garage) was that there was my sons moses basket, wifes double bed then her mothers bed!!! When i attended early evenings her mother just would not let me have him, hold him , bath him etc. My wife wouldnt care and would only be ecouraging for me to hold in front of others. So i started attending late evenings and got the contact time i required. However then my wife would start fights argue with me, over the same things going around in circles. About infedelity, why did i leave her to give birth alone, i left the marriage...[censored]! I use to leave. It got better the more i attended late in the evenings. we then went out a few times as my goal was to get her and son out of the house. She was becoming the old wife again. She even came back breifly to our marital home, my son got meet his grandparents and all the relatives for the first time. There were no issues my family, freinds and relatives were all fully aware of our issues.

Until, her mother began to sleep in the same room downstairs. She began to interefer in my time, which meant i could not stay to look after my child through the night. the fight were just becoming mentally draining as it was the same going around in circles. I could not distinguish if she is mental or whether she is being controlled or maniuplated at home be her mother. I was surely being emotionally abused and manipulated.

Dec 2012 we agreed to work things out and move into our home we purchased early in the mariage. I got it all ready as she requested. She never came on the date we agreed she was insistent that i come collect her, although she has a car and went on her own accord and we she met me with our son a few times in city centre. I felt i was being set up as i was suddenly getting calls off her brothers wanting to talk with me..I told them come to my house with my wife we will talk. They never, she proceeded to clear our joint account again as we previously removed the freeze i had placed on the account a few days earlier.

At that point i dedided to take legal advice. I would message about meeting neutrally away from the animals she live with and bring our son. She became incommunicado about the welfare and wellbeing of our son. I enrolled on a parenting course for 5 weeks that i completed. I approached soliciotrs they offered mediation she refused and didnt attend. When the solictors letter came she suddenly called me to make the marriage work, i declined and stated that she only contacts me about our son that im done with the games and lies.

During this period i refused to have any contact with her and did not respond at all. She began to send me abusive emails and messages. She even tried to defame my character to my extended family memebers who just thought she was a crackpot. Due to this harassment i got the police to speak with her and as a result attained some log number. I have never had police speak with me about her allegations, never been arrested or been in trouble with the law.

I applied for a contact order in June 2012 as it had been 6 months i hadnt seen my son for a defined contact order, as supervised contact becasue i suspected she will retaliate in making accusation. Our first hearing came and i had to adjourn it because conflict of interest. I seen her solicitor months ago about my case. At this stage she refused a gift i bought for my son in front of solicitors. She also refused to give me a recent photograph in exchange that i am allowed indirect access so i can send him gifts. second hearing was directions as wife did not attend because she did not have legal representation. She has loads of money and was trying to apply for legal aid. The courts response was that she must attend the next hearing despite having representation or not.

We spoke to CAFCASS, as my wife was alledging that i forced her out of the house. That I was emotionally, psychologically and mentally abusive to her. That i have undiagnosed mental health issues and am a risk. she did not mention i was a risk to the child or any abuse towards our son. The courts in the direction hearing decided that a scott schedule to be completed to outline what the abuse is. and gave her the opportunity to write a statement first and then later for me to counter and the courts then to decide if a fact find is to take place.

I recieved her statement through my solicitors. It was 69 paragraphs!! It read very vague and there a lot of usual accusations about threats, domestic, violence but there a [censored] of a lot contradictions in there. She was also being abused my by family memebers. What disturbed me the most was that she reported she never stopped me from seeing my son but then reported that i was abusing my child when i visited, i attempted to put hot ash on him, pull his hair, lay a heavy jacket over him, pull his limb and drag him across the bed at 2 months old...i even was apparantly attempting to sexually abuse.DISGUSTING i am very disturbed by all this and the false accusations of abuse and feel severley depressed. She then responded that we reconciled and that she agreed to move in with me the next month...

i kept a journal of facts with dates and times of what happened and my where abouts. I countered her statement and have few witnesses to support my statements, luckily they were there at crucial points the day she left, the day she returned to our home with all family present so they can see our son.

My 3rd hearing is due and my sons 1 year birthday has passed and i am extremely anxious by all this. I am not sure if my solicitor is up to it as she cant tell me anything, and i have done all the work for her. Journal, personal statement, witness statements etc, I am paying her to do what! I dont feel re-assured and believe i could perhaps represent myself but i dont want to jump ship without expecting what will happen. I have faith that god is on my side and things are working in my favour.

I just want lies to stop and have my child with me. i have no faith in the system as it has taken 4 months without getting anywhere since my contact order. I am even shocked and disgusted by how low she has become with her lies of disgusting acts in her statement. emotionally i am detached from her but cant bear the thought of dealing with this wretched person for the next 18years!! Maybe she has a personality disorder she definatly sufferes from dellusion and often projects...

If i describe her persona, if i subsequently gave her a saw to hold and walked away. She would most probably have sawn her own leg off and then blamed me for the fact i gave her the saw in the first instance.

Can someone please offer me any support with the torment that i am going through. i miss my son terribly and feel apart of me is missing. I have had 3months of interaction i dont know him and he dont know me. What will happen in the courts how can i prove she is a total nut and that i dont feel she is mentally fit or stable. I know her mother will be taking care of my child but i suspect my wife is a replica of her mother too!

What can i do in terms of court and access and what to expect?

I fee l alientated from my child and worried about him bonding with me?

I want him to have access to all my family members, i have real big family he will benefit from.

I am qualified UK sports coach, having passed child protection courses to teach 5yrs over cricket. I am a PhD qualified engineer and work internationally with my job. I have all the criteria to be the best example for my son.

What can i do. Please help.