Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: We are not open to new posts at this time
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
🙂 Contact resumed Saturday afternoon, only 3hrs at the contact centre but its resumed at least 🙂
It went just as good as all have when i've seen my little boy in the past, he came up to me as if i'd seen him every week, when its been almost 3 months, and 6 months prior to that and 5 months prior to that since we saw each other through the week and every weekend! i really wish she could see how he is with me then she'd not question him so much or me about it!
He came straight up to me and hugged me tight then proceeded to tell me all about his new toy he was bought for being a good boy for his mummy.
well the thing i will say is i enjoyed the limited time with him and that is the only down side for me....its not enough yet...but its early days and small steps...but i'm quite optimistic
one spoiler for me about it was he has mentioned that she has changed his surname again to be known as her new married name.....and he also said he's gonna have a baby brother or sister around his birthday later in the year.....
Does that mean i'll have more hassle and [censored] to deal with by her again??
??? Questions:
Where do i stand on the name changes she's making?
What is the likelyhood of me applying to court and winning to keep him known by his birthname?
my little boy has my surname and until i walked from his mother just 2yrs ago he'd always been called it - he was only 2,1/4 at that time, he's now 4, 1/2.
Thanks. In which case, your ex cannot change his surname without your permission, so your chances of having him known by his real surname are extremely good. I think yoji has covered the procedure you need to follow if you need to go to court to get this resolved. However, I would suggest that you try to reason with your ex to get her to change it back beforehand, as it's almost certain that, from past behaviour, she will make life difficult for you regarding contact.
As a matter of interest, my stepdaughter still has her father's surname (even though he has no contact with her at all) and is different to my wife's name and my children's name - it's never caused any problem at all (except occasionally at school where the teachers called my by her surname), so the argument (which will no doubt be made) that all of the children should have the same surname is rubbish.
Unfortunately my ex has the attitude that she is right and its her way or no way! which is the biggest reason for me leaving her…..there is simply no compromise with her!
She will not listen to me or anyone around her….she is right and to [censored] what everyone else thinks!
I mean….she met, married and is now pregnant all within 15 months! I don’t care about her or what she does….but when it affects my relationship with my son I am worried!
The scary thing with her is how spookily similar our story started out….when we first met she was fine, within 4 months of meeting she was starting to talk of marriage and kids….i however managed to keep most of that dismissed for close on 2 yrs, she moved in with me, then she had taken herself off the pill and we discussed that what would be the harm if we did have kids, we were planning on getting married in the next year or so, we bought the nice house in a nice village (she still lives there! With new hubby at my expense of my equity! Cant force her to sell!)
Looks like this poor sap just got caught too…..only difference he married her just before she got pregnant by the looks of it….i’m sure she’ll claim it was a honeymoon mistake LMFAO….so she’s set up for the next 15yrs from the 15% of my income that I know isn’t being full spent on my son…..and he’ll be needing to look at his 15% for at least 18yrs+ so she’s sat quite pretty now if he gets pushed away like I did!
Bitter I was yes…but I know her n how she works…..i witnessed it first hand! But now she’s got her next victim she’s out of my immediate day-to-day life.
How much contact do you have with your son and how have you come to that agreement, was it through court, mediation etc?
Glad things are improving for you x
Its taken me over 16 months dragging her through the courts to get to this point. I won’t go in to all the detail as I’ve posted these many times over the last year or so.
But basically she lied and made false allegations about me, its taken 16 months to clear my name and for her to eventually admit in court in Dec last year that she had lied and misled the courts and various officials, CAFCASS etc… with no explanation or apology I might add!!
Up shot of all this is that the Judge gave her a right going over and recommended contact resume, but due to the length of time its been between contacts with my little boy (not my doing) they could only recommend Staged resumption of contact.
3 stages are set:
1. For the next 8wks I get I get 3hrs Saturday afternoons for the first 3 Saturday’s of each month but only at a contact centre.
2. Next 8 weeks we will use the contact centre only for drop off and pick ups, again only the first 3 Saturday’s of each month. And only for 4hrs in the Saturday afternoons.
3. The final part of the staged resumption of contact is with no contact centre involvement. Its up to her and me to act like the adults we are and agree pick up and drop off locations and timings for all day 9:30-4pm every weekend on either a Saturday or a Sunday just for us to agree on that.
There is a review to be had around mid-May for the courts to see how the ex is allowing contact or if things need to be amended in the court order.
This is not what I really wanted….i never wanted it this way to start with….i only ever wanted quality time with my little boy without her messing me around every week. I wanted more time than she “allowed†me to have, everything was on her terms and changed when she wanted with no thought for how this would affect our little boy.
I wanted just to continue being the good dada I was…I am….she just wanted to hurt me for leaving her cos she was a full on control freak b*tch! I never left for another woman or had an affair or anything that she could blame….i left because of her controlling nature and general unreasonable behaviour.
Hopefully her games are at least stopped for the time being as she has to adhere to the court order. But we’ll see time will tell n all that!
I would suggest that in the review in May, you try to have another review set for 6 months on, or maybe more - the reason I am suggesting this is that I think if there is no review on the horizon, your ex may revert to making contact difficult.
I have to concur with actd on this. I would certainly ask the court to schedule a further review after your appearance in May just to deter your ex from going back to her old tricks. It should serve to give you a little bit of extra reassurance..
... congratulations on the result so far! You'll be able to spend some real quality time with your little boy before you know it 🙂
Well what do you know!!! Just received a message from the ex saying that my litle boy's friend has got Chicken Pox and that my son looks like he's got a cold coming on again and his head hurts so he may not be coming to contact tomorrow!!!
This is how she was before i took her to court....and as much as i understand if he really is ill it'll not be fun for him to be out feeling poorly but why the [censored] does she have to start this the day before contact as she always did!!! there's a contact order in place so she should clearly know the risk of breaching a court order!
I pray she does turn up tomorrow afternoon but it'll not look good for her and better for me if she don't!!!
Arrggghhhh is there every any end to all this cr*p!!!
I presume you are still keeping a diary of all of this. The occasional illness isn't unheard of, but a pattern will not look good, as you say.
Hi dad-i-d
Hope contact went as it should today and you had a good day.
If your lad is not well then hope he is well soon.
Yes its s#*t when you are at the mercy of a control freak But it won't and doesn't last forever. Remain being the role model you are already proving to be.
Your son will appreciate your patience and love and all you are doing for him.
Take care DAG
Contact went ahead, she turned up although the court order specifically states she is not to be the one brining him for contact!
He looked absolutely fine but did complain of being cold after he had been with me an hour or so. But after putting a jumper I brought with me for him on him and running around a bit he soon was feeling ok again.
Its funny how she used to do this before, it was always the evening before I was supposed to be having him that she’s text me and say he wasn’t coming!
Anyways that’s that….i have it all on email from her along with her response to my reminder about the court order in which she says she won’t be bringing him if she feels he is unwell….although I don’t want him to be ill and not wanting to be with me the judge did say that if it was cold then there shouldn’t be any reason contact shouldn’t take place!
Following the contact I have another question now….
my son (4 ½) told me that on his 4th birthday his mum n her partner took him out of the country to Disneyland Paris for a few days……all this while I was taking her to court for contact to resume….i thought that as having Parental Rights I was to be involved with decisions and giving my authorisation for taking my child out of the country regardless of how long or short a time it is??
It's good that contact went ahead, and the fact that she said he couldn't come and then he came along being perfectly healthy means that you have evidence that she is lying to try to obstruct contact - that can only strengthen your argument.
I've probably asked this before, is there a residence order in place, or just a contact order?
In which case, I think you are correct - another point to mention that she is not consulting you where she is obliged to do so.
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
