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I'm new to all of this, so would really appreciate some advice.
I was seeing this girl & I got her pregnant & she is due in a couple of months time. I will admit I didn't treat her very well, after she told me she was pregnant I went back to my ex, & told this girl that it was a definite decision & that my current gf would have as much to do with the baby as I would - eg I wouldn't go without her. She was upset obviously & hasn't been very forthcoming on details about her pregnancy, I have told her that even though I didn't want to be with her, I never said I didn't want to be a father to the baby. At one point she sent me a scan picture & the writing was blurry, I wasn't sure it was even her scan so I asked her to resend the picture to show her name. She was upset by this. I've tried to text a lot but she simply tells me everything is fine & gives no further detail.
She has moved house now & I don't know where she has gone. She has said that she will happily talk to me once there is a baby to talk about, but until then she doesn't want any contact.
I know she will register the birth without me & I know she is planning on having no visitors (including me) for the first couple of weeks after the birth, to recover & establish a bond with the baby & breastfeeding uninterrupted.
So basically, I don't know whats happening with the pregnancy, or where she lives, & doubt I'll know that soon after baby is born, if at all.
I have offered her anything she needs & money & she says she wants nothing from me.
At what point should I do anything & what can I do without that info? I don't know her family either.
Also what access should I expect with a newborn?
This is very new to me, I know I have behaved badly - she has a right to be upset, as while I did those things the hospital had told her it was a 50/50 chance of the baby dying & she was worried about that, which was bad on my part.....can this be held against me?
Can her lack of contact in the pregnancy be held against her?
Thanks in advance, James
Hi
I'm afraid that until the baby is born, you have no rights whatsoever. Once it is born, then your ex can control what contact you have - she does have to be reasonable, and if she isn't then you can apply for a contact order. However, a young baby is very dependant on it's mother, so don't expect a court to order anything more than very short periods of contact initially. Ideally you should try to avoid court and try mediation - www.nfm.org.uk
Even though she has said she doesn't want anything from you, I would start to save 15% of your takehome pay into a savings account, this is the amount the CSA will say you have to pay if they are asked to take the case, and you could end up with arrears if they are slow to act. If you don't have to pay maintenance, then this could end up as a nice fund for your child when they are older.
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
