[Solved] Contact Order

Hi CFLove, and welcome to the forum.

You seem to have enough information that you have started the process, so glad the forum could help with that.

A couple of points I would raise. Firstly, have you started to keep a diary of events? If not, so so immediately, and write down anything in the past regarding to contact etc to the best of your recollection, along with dates (make a note that these are recollections, and not made at the time), keep copies of all emails, texts etc (transcribe text messages exactly, including date and time - mobile phones sometimes have a habit of losing texts) and write down conversations as accurately as possible as soon as possible after you've had them (keep a note book with you). Do you have evidence of requesting mediation and your ex's refusal? This will help in court as they expect you to have tried mediation, and if your ex refused, it will not help her case.

Since you've had good contact with your daughter until recently, you have a good case for this to be put into an order. However, I suspect it won't be an easy ride - your ex may well bring up your addiction and she may well tell the court that you still have an addiction, so it's possible that the court will order testing for drug use.

With regards to the change of name, you are perfectly entitled to prevent this - I believe your ex can go to court to ask their permission for this, I'm not sure how a court would view this as she could argue that it's appropriate for her daughter to share her name, but I'd recommend getting legal advice on this.

The issue with the pierced ears is a tricky one - my personal opinion is that 4 is too young for pierced ears, but I know that plenty of people don't hold the same opinion. However, I do agree that she should at least have told you that she was going to have this done, so this may help to paint a picture of the lack of communication.

If you don't have a solicitor, then you can get additional advice from the childrens legal centre (there is a ling at the top of the website), or if you wish, we can ask for them to pop on here and reply to any specfiic questions you have.

Hi CFlove,

Just to add to actd's post really.

It seems that issues that could be a problem is past influences which you will need to ensure you have a sound and structured case as to why this is no longer an issue.

On changing your Daughters name this is another aspect that clarity is needed. The main thing i would honestly push for in Court is that this name change is all being done out of malice and this has occurred after your relationship with your partner.

There are various websites i have seen that can actually give you information relating to your child and how you can "protect" her identity so to speak. It is of course important to note things like that if she has a double barrel name her Mum can request a so called "known-by" name and this can present significant problems when accessing or being involved in educational or medical issues. These are the two biggest however there are of course other items that the internet details more fully.

Good luck and keep us posted.

Thank you both for your feedback.

I have kept a log of all emails from the mother which demonstrate that she is inconsistent and unstable. I have managed to refrain from "getting into the ring" with her and the abuse and language used in the emails in unpleasant to say the least. I doubt that this will help my case but I feel that it will show what I am up against.

I also have an email and a text message from her declining Mediation, I shall also arrange for the mediation company to provide confirmation to show that I have made attempts to resolve the situation in a civilised manner.

In terms of my past, this is something that I am sure will come up but I can demonstrate that since my stint in rehab back in 2008 I have been clean and sober and a consistent presence in my daughters life. If she is using this argument then the question would have to be why after 3 years is she suddenly taking this tack.

I'd be happy to take any drug test that is imposed as I have nothing at all to hide. My only concern is that this may hold up proceedings.

What can I expect in court and how long would proceedings take?

Hi,

It's tricky to say what you'll face in court, it depends a lot on the judge on the day. Your ex does have to provide you with her statement to court, as do you to her, so you should have some idea of what she intends to throw at you. It may be worth finding out now what you need for drug testing, how long it takes and how much it costs - if you think your ex is going to raise this in court, getting the test done and the results back ahead of the court date could save an extra hearing and a few weeks. Yoji has been through the system much more recently than me, so he's better placed to give you an idea of times.

Hi CFLove,

The first thing you can expect from the Courts is that Mediation will [should] be a mandatory requirement. Additionally a PIPS course should also form part of the Orders of the Court. It is important to note that potentially for the first 3months this may be what the Court orders.

This will be done with a legal advisor. Judges/Magistrates are rarely involved at this point.

If you have these emails, i would definately make mention of these provided:
i) it is relevant to aspects of your case and
ii) it is in support of anything or contradicts a statement made by your ex

In terms of length, Mediation (dependent on its success will be the underpinning issue here). If Mediation begins to work and an agreement is beginning to formulate, i would hazard around 3-6months at longest. If there are other issues, up to 12months could become necessary through the courts.

It is important to ensure you comply with all wishes/directions of the court. This will go in your favour if your ex refuses to attend.

If mediation begins to formulate a pattern, be clear and ensure you say in mediation something along the lines of: "any agreement made in mediation i will still want going through the Courts to ensure that there is a legally binding contract"... as remember, mediation is only verbal and 6months down the line.. you could well be going back to court to re-start the process over again.

In terms of the name change, it is a straight forward case. She needs to present a genuine reason as to why this name should be changed. If you can prove there are grounds or that there is cause for the Courts to believe that this is being done out of malice, it is likely that this name change will be thrown out. A disbarring order may be requested. This prevents your ex from raising this issue (names changed) in any further applications/hearings... and should be the end of the matter.

Hope this helps. Keep us posted.