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Hello all,
I have the first hearing of a contact order very soon and I was wondering what would be expected from me at this point. In short, my ex has cut access by half and is sharing her dislike and unfounded opinions of me with my daughter. This is impacting on our relationship. My ex has refused mediation and refused to accept any offer of compromise (offered in writing by me on two occassions) over a revised access agreement. I asked in the C100 if the original access agreement may be put back in place pending the final hearing outcome. I had a few bullet points in mind as to what I should be making clear and was wondering if my understanding was correct?
Reasons why I believe the original access agreement should be maintained citing the affect on my relationship with my daughter
My hope that the original agreement might be returned on an interim basis (for aforementioned reasons)
My specific requirements of a contact order (access periods clearly stated, permission to travel, holiday access, access to passport)
My willingness to offer flexibility against any order (in lines with daughters social calendar) and the hope that this sentiment would be reciprocated
I request that my ex engage in mediation and that any outcome would be brought back to the court to form the basis of an agreement
That any contact order should be formal (rather than verbal) citing my ex's past actions to unilaterally change the access on two separate occassions.
...Is there anything I should add? Have a forgotten anything? Not sure if I am going overboard. What should I expect from my ex?
Obviously I'm panicking a bit!
Any advice most welcome and appreciated
Anybody? Is my understanding of what I need to be stating correct.... did'nt want to make a speach only to find that much of what I might say would be irrelevant at this point.... obviously never done this before:-(
Hi whimsical 🙂
Apologies for not responding before...up to my eyes in decorating!
At the first hearing you will both speak with a court advisor and an agreement will be attempted, if this is successful then this will be written up in a Consent Order and rubber stamped in court....if agreement cant be reached then you would go into court and possibly mediation will be ordered. If she has legal representation they may want to meet with you prior to going into court, but dont be intimidated by this or give too much away, and if at any time you feel uncomfortable you can politely bring the meeting to a close. Once in court you will hopefully get a chance to speak, put your point of view across and ask for Interim contact.
My only reservation about your bullet points is offering flexibility...if she hasnt got a very good track record this may leave your contact arrangements open to abuse.
The bit where you are citing the effect on your relationship with your daughter you might want to phrase from her perspective....citing the effect on her relationshop with you and the detrimental effect that denying contact will have on her well being because of the bond you both have. also when referring to your daughter try and remember to say our daughter as opposed to my daughter....a small point but one that judges often pick up on.
Finally try not to panic, read through Yoji's very good guide to representing yourself, and the other sticky by the bar council on the subject that can be found at the top of the Legal Eagle section. You request is reasonable and as long as you maintain this demeanour in court you should be ok.
Try not to go with any preconceived thoughts on what to expect as all judges are different as are the outcomes...as I've said before there is no consistency and the experience you will have will be as good or as bad as the judge on the day.
Best of luck with it 🙂
First hearings are usually quick 15-30mins where both parties state there reasons for contact to continue or why they've stopped contact.
Your assessment seems pretty much spot on to me.
Keep it friendly and child focussed throughout, focus on what you feel is in the best interests of your child.
Challenge the reasons why she is wanting to reduce contact.....i'd mention that money could be one factor......maintenance goes down the more you have your child over nights....if over 52 nights she'll get a 7th less money from you! over 104 nights its two 7th's!!! thats a big enough reason for some mothers reducing contact!
Another factor you could use is her trying to control you
Bring up that she is using Parental Alienation - search the web for it and read up on it you'll be able to use some of that.
do you have any evidence of the parental alienation? if so make sure you have several copies that you can offer to produce when you speak with the judge to prove your ex is trying to turn your child against you.
Excellent! Many, many thanks dad-i-dad and NannyJane. The advice is greatly appreciated.
Sincerest thanks for taking the time to respond. I can't thank you enough... a few things that didn't occur to me but are very relevant.
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