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Hi,
I am just about to submit a residence/contact order to allow me to get confirmed access to my little girl rather than relying on the moods of my ex partner for this. I used to have very good contact where I would get 3 afternoons per week, 2 sleepovers and every other weekend from a Friday to a Monday. At the time this suited my ex-partner as she works on these afternoons and at the weekends.
Recently I started a new career building job which is shift work so my ex wants to reduce my contact and sleepovers but is not willing to give me other times instead, as if she is not at work she wants her. For a short period I was able to continue seeing my little girl with the help of my new partner who would look after my little girl if my ex and I were working. I live with my new partner who has her own kids who see my daughter as their step sister. This was amicably agreed between us both, my ex has even asked my new partner to care for my little girl on other occasions. Out of the blue I received a solicitors letter saying that my ex wanted to remove sleep overs and for my daughter to go to nursery more. I am fine with the nursery part as this was only an interim solution anyway. I am obviously not fine with losing my 3 night sleepovers, but my ex does not want my daughter spending time with my new partner if I am not in the house... unless my ex has a work meeting to attend to & then its fine!.
I still get the 'you left us', 'you caused this' mentioned to me regularly even after two years of me leaving has passed.
Anyway, for my contact order I really need some advice on whether to include details about the domestic violence I was subjected to during the relationship. Its hard because you don't want people to know that went on anyway but I also don't know if I should include it in my application form as I'm sure she wouldn't hurt our daughter. The trouble is it did happen & it was also witnessed by several of my family members, one of my family members and my new partner have also be subjected to this before.
Obviously I am a lot bigger than her but I have never touched her, even when I was subjected to violence. Once I had to push her on to the sofa when she ran at me in a rage with our baby in her arms as this was the only way to protect my baby.
I am worried she might make some false allegations if I state this on my court order. I am also worried my daughter may witness this side to my ex if she treats any new partners she has the same way as she did me.
Any advice on this would be very much appreciated.
Thanks...
I would say that you must mention it - if you don't, then it's going to be very difficult to do so if you need to later on - any court would ask why you didn't mention it, and would then wonder whether it was genuine. In addition, if you have fears about this being continued in front of your daughter, then you owe it to your daughter to do everything possible to protect her.
Hi there and welcome 🙂
...Actd makes a good point, but have you thought of trying Mediation, this would alow you to discuss these very concerns with your ex in a controlled atmosphere with the guidance of a trained mediator. Heres a link ~ www.nfm.org.uk
Courts would expect you both to have exhausted all other avenues of resolution before asking for their intervention, and would most likely send you for court ordered mediation if there havent been any attempts at this.
Its always a very difficult area to get to grips with and you're right she may well retaliate with false allegations, but courts are well used to hearing such things and getting to the truth behind them...
...I forgot to mention that you could request she attends anger management classes whilst at Mediation. , and if it goes to court this could be part of the order that the court make.
Hi,
Thanks for the replies everyone. It really does help.
We have both attended the mediation assessment meeting but further conversations have gone on to show that my ex has no intention of 'sorting' the situation. Basically it is her way or no way and she is very clear on this, her solicitor has backed her on this so there is no room for negotiations/compromise in her eyes. I also really don't feel comfortable due to the background history which is why I am heading straight to the courts.
The mediator did think that we could make progress but I am also aware that if there has been violence involved then I don't have to do mediation.
Many thanks
...well, if thats the case then its full steam ahead to court! 🙂
In preparation, I would get witness statements from everyone that was there at the time of the DV with dates and times etc. Also it would be a good idea to start a Diary and keep a record of everything concerning your children, when you have contact, for how long and what you all do together as a family, including photos. Log all communication from your ex, transcripts of phone calls etc., and keep all txts and emails, in fact absolutely everything that has anything to do with this, it will be a great resource when you get to court.
good luck with everything and keep us posted 🙂
Thank you again.
I have just started logging all forms of communication. I made a big step in deciding to log the DV last night and have already asked one of the witnesses if I can meet with them tonight to ask for a witness statement.
I will start logging times I have my daughter and log what we all get up now also. Great advice about the photos.
Many thanks
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