[Solved] Contact Timetable

Hi There,

This is a very difficult one as every case will be different.

the one big peice of advice I can give you though is to go in with an open mind, maybe request a little more than you would like to achieve so that you can accept less and be seen to be compromising.

GTTS

I would consider achieving overnight stays as your goal. He is 7 and it is time to build a routine to enable to to enjoy a full family day with him. Perhaps start by keeping what you have but suggesting that you have alternative weekends including overnight stay then aim to build that to include midweek overnight contact.

I was thinkig more along the lines of
Every Other Extended Weekend With Split Midweeks
(Friday 7:00 p.m. to Monday 9:00 a.m., alternating; plus
with Parent A, every Monday after school to Wednesday 9:00 a.m.;
with Parent B, every Wednesday after school to Friday 9:00 a.m.)

14/28 overnight

and then trying to sort out xmas etc

Sounds good......roughly what you should work towards. Fortune does favour the bold. If she is unwilling then start off small but state you want a timeline of building up nights ie. 1 now, 2 in 2 months, 3 in 3 months.......etc

Ive already got 2 overnights now, and when you add the days up its 3.5 days, i just want more overnights.

Try 4 then and get 3.5 🙂

What would you do about CSA? Your both equally caring in quantity....I disagree with the notion that you should be liable 3.5/7.....as technically she should owe you this too and they should cancel eachother out.

I agree about the CSA I think I read somewhere recently that when the new system comes in, that this will be the case, Dont ask for a link, Ive read that much in the past 6 weeks I wouldnt have a clue where to look!!! 😀

You win 😛

I agree about the CSA I think I read somewhere recently that when the new system comes in, that this will be the case, Dont ask for a link, Ive read that much in the past 6 weeks I wouldnt have a clue where to look!!! 😀

I think I've read that as well - I can't remember where, or the priority they are giving cases transferring to the new system.

Sorry to [censored] in, but looking at the recent replies it appears to be what you want rather than what is best for your child. Kids need stability so the same nights overnight with you would be preferable to having different one's each wk. Your little one needs to know where they will be from wk to wk,not guessing. Also outside school activities need to be taken into consideration. If you live nearby, you could take him to them if you had him overnight that night. At court all they care about is what is in the best interests of the children, not what you want. Every situation is different, every judge is different. Just beacause you are in the same boat as Mr x for e.g, doesn't mean you will end up with the same contact as them if you see what I mean as every case is different. Hope this is helpful x

Its a forum - everyone should and can voice an opinion :). All thoughts are greatfully received. In situations where contact between the parents is so bad it is more likely to be detreimental to the kids that direct contact mulitiple times could be argued to be worse than having a week on week off system. Other ideas are and thought are welcome because it does give further insight and allows one to appreciate the different circumstances.

Of course its what I want, its also in the best interests of my son to see his dad as much as possible, in all honestly I think if he was asked he would rather be with me full time, but at 7 i know his views wouldnt be listened to. He tells me he would like to be with me for 10 days and his mum for 5 days. He left me a little note the other day saying "Dad I orlways wont to be with you, love ******" Quite heartbreaking really 🙁

What about your initial suggestion but that the week that he is resident with one parent, the other would have a mid week contact from after school until early evening.

As far as holidays and special occasions, the courts usually favour shared alternate Xmas, 50/50 split of school holidays and Father's Day and dads birthday with dad and Mother's Day and her birthday with mum. His birthday could be shared as Xmas or an agreed shared day so that you can both see him and give gifts.

Well, just back from court I got, Thursday to Monday every other week and overnight Wednesday every other week, half terms, Easter etc split, 2 weeks in the summer hols, birthdays etc, split, 300pm xmas day till the day after boxing day and a shared res order. It wasn't really the judge who decided it all, it was my barrister that did all the work, ex wasn't represented, I was trying to get more contact but the barrister knew the judge and said there's no chance as the judge doesn't like splitting the school week up. Also, I gave undertakings for the non-mol order, on it I got the barrister to write that I strongly deny the allegations. So hopefully now, no more court, fingers crossed!!!

I know you were trying for more but I guess it could have been worse....I think as your son gets older he will become more vocal and you may well get more time because its what he wants. By the time he is 10 and he is unhappy and wants to be with you you can apply to,vary the contact and by then his wishes should carry more weight.

Aim high and you've got something to bargain with. What you say about the future is what my little lads Nanny's saying, I'm quite happy really with what I got, I would of liked more but... oh well, I've got my long weekends to look forward to :cheer: :cheer:

I think you did really well. Congratulations to you. There is hope for other loving fathers out there.

Its interesting judges rarely have to make the decisions and its a shame the mother took to going to court and you having a barrister to negotiate time that she agreed to in the end.

Given she has been unreasonable throughout would you contemplate contesting costs?

BW

Costs wern't mentioned at the hearing today. at the last hearing at bottom of the order it said "Costs in Application" I've read somewhere that costs are very rarely awarded in childrens act matters.

I am happy with what I got, I did feel a bit pressured by my own barrister though, but he did say he knew the judge and he knew what I would get it if was up to the judge, Fri after school till Sun night every other week with 1 tea time visit in the week, I said but thats the minimum I would get, he said, no thats what the norm is in this court!! When you compare that with my result its not too bad 🙂

Well done parryhotter yours problems seem similar to mine had report 7 really bad totally in favour of mother and officer did not believe in parent allenation
We are going to final hearing where the judge have said she only interested in who was the main parent carer before split the ex is deneing it was me even thou now I got various letters from old school after school club old neilbours
Saying it was me
My only problem is I'm taking caffcass officer back to court and on the stand but chances are now my solicitor have said I probably won't get legal aid for the final hearing
The ex is even saying now in the last hearing I should not have my youngest overnight because I'm giving him wrong yougurts because he's lactose intorerant

Heya Vinny,

if thats the only reason to prevent overnight contact she will look silly in court. Most lactose intolerant people can eat yoghurt - the bacteria in yoghurt actualy digests the lactose!

If you are self-repping we are all here. You may also wish to consider a McKenzie Aid. Why would you not get legal aid for a final hearing? You circumstances have not changed.

The caffcass section seven report was really biased against me saying she believed I was violent and why would my oldest child lie as well saying I was violent against her(19yrs old)I did have bad argument with her but that was it
Also the alleged incident against my ex happen in dec12 ,the alleged incident against my oldest happened in Nov 12
Yet my oldest daughter and ex did not report it till the jan13 I find it. A bit funny that she reported it about 2 weeks aftershe owould received the first solicitor letter
Also the caffcass officer said I should not have them overnight and only have the youngest few hours week
Also when the officer talked to the oldest child my oldest also said I should not have my youngest overnight
Because of the report my solicitor have said its on unlikely legal aid will be granted for the last hering

Hi I've just had the ex statement of parenting before split never heard of so much rubbish being drawn up on me
Through out this all I've stated was I was the main parent carer here goes the rubbish
All the time my ex worked the wages was paid into my account because so say it was for the best since e went bankrupt yes that was true only because she got refused a bank account

Her hours of work were dictated by me so we would claim maximum tax credits in reality she did not want me to get a job and did not want x hours because she could claim maximum credits

While my ex did go to work all I cooked them was microwavable meals
Lies

When she did not work she did all cooking cleaning (more lies).

She said she always aim to go to all parents evening when worked allowed (more lies she never did)

My ex always did night feeds with the youngest bath him etc all I did was change 1or 2 nappies
More lies my her

She always attended medical appointments I never did(more lies)
Since separation she attends all the appointments(true only because she tells me after the appointments
She was the parent who dedicated every spare minute with them while I had active social life(lies about spending every minute with them half true that I had 2 weekends away one in 1998 &2000
When XXX (who is now almost13 was year old she had heart op and my ex stayed with her in hospital I would not stay even thou child care was sorted for the other two(yes she had op but can't remember refusing to stay

Youngest now attends local nursery(2&half)until recently he attended morning sessions but changed to afternoon so say because he has upset stomach as result of me failing to meet his dietary requirements previous day
I return the youngest so say feeding him deliberate dairy products so he get bad nappies
I leave him same nappies 9 hours at time

Last Christmas I spend. $70on the one I favour most while I only spend 5 on my other child this distressed one of my kids(true is I spend 35. On one about to spend the same on other when the oldest who gone against me max out her phone so I had to pay that still managed to spend twenty thou

She says she has no desire to stop me having access(I hate that word) and has asked for nothing of me and I offer no financial support(yes that was true only because I was househusband for the last 10 yes and she never wanted me to get a job and now I'm unemployed but she has informed the CSA
Typical day she do breakfast to bed time (more lies)
Can't believe a person I was with twenty years lie so much and looks like she is going to be believed the caffcass thinks its true the judge will probably believed her as well

Sorry about rambling this is getting me down. Now

Bump

Hi Vinny

Sorry if this sounds daft, you've given a lot of information, but you haven't actually posed a question - what is it you need to know?

The only thing you can do is to dispute her version and for any of her lies that you can possibly disprove such as the parents evening attendances and medical appointments, maybe by getting letters to say that you did, then that's what you could do.

You should be given an opportunity to cross examine her in court and this may be your opportunity to put her on the spot.

Try and remember that judges are used to people telling lies to get the outcome they want, just be open and honest and tell the truth as you know it to be. It's your word against hers and if there is no proof either way then the judge may well ignore it.

Sorry about that in are last court appeance we were told each of us had to put statements in who was the main parent carer in are own views in mine I put simply I was main carer doing. Schools runs etc and have character letters to back it up

In hers she put what I wrote down
My question is what do I say to judge that what she saying is all lies
Also there will be the caffcass officer on stand and I need to rebuff everthing she said as she was totally on the ex side
One good thing is my legal aid has come though but the wording used to allow it to come through has changed if that makes any sense I guess that my solicitor doing that to allow me better chance of receiving it?
Still feeling like [censored] thou knowing for all the kids lives up to we spli up I literally did everything interacting with them ie swimming taking them parks holidays taking them on beach learning them to ride bikes etc
Now I need permission to see my kids and my ex saying I'm not caple of having them overnight
This never bother her before I got solicitors involved so why can't they see she's being vindictive and father should
Have same oppurtunates to see his children as the mother

have

It's good that you have character references to back your statement up. If you show that she has lied about some things then that puts all of her statement in doubt. If she has lied about some things and you can prove it then the judge is more likely to think that she has not told the truth about other things.

Hi gutted today rang solicitor today and she don't know if I have legal aid now as I did have letter saying I've had it .the solicitor had one as well but she also had a letter saying I was not entitled to it so she chasing it up to see what happening. How do they do it the first legal aid said I was entitled to 1300 then another saying 2000 then the last one saying 3000 is that 3000 all included as if it is my solicitor have said the estimate bill is likely to be2500 to 5000 grand if I am entitled to the last bit what happens if its not enough thanks again for all your help .

bump

Get them to work upto that amount......any over and you can self rep. Or only instruct on certain points....you can do certain bits with the help of the forum

Hi just got confirmation on legal aid up to 3000 they will only grant it if the next stage is only for contact
But I haven't gone though year of [censored] from the ex to dictate to me when and how I see my kids
They won't grant legal aid if I go for residucy can't believe I failed at last hurdle when I can prove majority of what she said is lies
All because of the damming caffcass report
Just don't know what to do
I still want to go for residence but if I do I don't get legal aid
Never want to be dictated by her again
Its just not fair if I did get residence I would never dream of stopping her seeing the kids she could see them when ever
As either parent has no right to dictate when they see they kids
Just so unfair still no overnight contact
She is such nartastacall person

OK, apply for more contact...the residence order is not gonna be considered until the final hearing. You can state you are self repping for residence if they get funny. Take it....take it...take it

I agree to go for this initially to get the legal aid, but speak to your solicitor as soon as you have one. The only problem I can see is that if you apply for contact initially, and then change it to residence, is whether a judge would ask why you didn't do that in the first place. You may be OK, but it's worth checking with your solicitor anyway.

D day is here for soon got my statement ready just told truth never slating ex parenting skills while she did do it on ocassions yet her statement is slating me start to finish
Be gaining to think now I'm going to end up with less contact than I got now especially with caffcass taking the exs words as gospel truth and officer saying I should not have to much contact and no overnight stay
The caffcass officer will be there on final hearing so I have right to question her about her report
Any ideas what I need to say to her just wished she read all the ex statements she has made
It would prove the ex is lying as her story change
But officer had no interest in reading it

One bit is I've been violent abusive so say from day one 20years go .it got so bad I had to pick up two of my kids from her place of work with all the cameras
That has changed now because when she catches the bus to work the local scallywags get on the same bus as her (theses are the same people she throws out her shop where she works)and she is worried they do something why

would they when all buses got video footage
Now all of sudden I can pick them up from hse weird when at one point she was so scared of me so say she wanted cameras round her when I picked up my kids

Had court case today did not go well different judge who was interested in the accusations of DVand what caffcass report had to say so they are doing fact finding on DV
My barrister is trying to get original judge back for the next hearing
And try to get new caffcass report done
The ex even tried to get new evidence included put in
The only thing the ex agreed on today was allowing me PR on two of my kids

So they do police check on me up until my ex made accusation of assault and my oldest daughter making one there is nothing not even parking ticket. In my whole life
The ex has to make report up on it just wondering what [censored] she going to put in it
My barrister was asking what I was hoping for I said residence I've got no chance on that he said so i

said 50/50 still nochance the best I could hope for is shared residence which could mean as little 10/90

I think my ex even tryed to get reaction out of me today as today of all days was first time I saw her new bloke
What can I expect now
I'm being dictated by women who up until we split up was never hands on parent for the whole time together 20yrs
She now has been looking after them now since last Nov because of that she's got more right than me even thou I've been trying since Jan I got to properly ask to see my kids now on her terms how's that fair

Hi Vinny72,

Do not despair!

I have had allegations of DV levelled at me however there is no proof.

My section 7 was based on the un proven alleged DV and I was also told that I had no chance however the judge on the day requested all of the evidence used by SS to write the report which is self reported with no supporting evidence.

A fact finding hearing will review the allegations and decide on the balance of probability if they occured. If there is no supporting evidence then it may be decided that on the balance of probability it did not occur. In which case you are back on track.

Do not let your ex wind you up. (I should take my own advice)

Try to get the original judge for judicial continuity and either complain about the CAFCASS report or have it re written. Getting it re written may be a tough one but you can ceertainly have the author of the report there in the final hearing.

Did the report alledge un proven DV? Did the report go through legal review by CAFCASS?

If your original concerns and reasons for requesting residency remain the same have courage of your convictions and stay the course.

Regards,

Dave

Yes in the opinion of caffcass officer the DV did happen all the officer the officer today was chatting to ex all the time
What makes it worst now iim entire to legal aid something about this bit going. To cost $80 but my legal aided will cover it
Because my ex kick up a stink she not entitled to legal aid my legal aid going to cover her bit what a cheek
She even said I'm only paying tenner a fortnight on maintance
That only because the. Last ten years we were to get other I stay at home lookiiing after my kids

I am worried a bit now that when I do get a job I will not be entitled to legal aid and when I do the ex will want the. Maximum out of me that one reason I think she will not let me have kids overnight because she is that sorry of creature
The actual reason I've been thinking is deep down the ex knows she never was hands on parent for any of the other three kids when they were growing up from babies now with the youngest she is in last chance salon so
She is trying to do eveverything on her own with the youngest to make up

One thing is as well its mention she consider overnight stay with 13yr old but not the 2half yr old because she says I'm not calls even thou before I got solicitors involved it never bother her
Have to admit with all the lies she been saying I can't stand being near her want to pick my kids up from neutral ground begaing to want to be everything she says I am
I'm sure she's pushing and pushing for a reaction why have us dads be push to our limits just to be in our kids lives equal

Don't know why the exs can be so nasty
Not in a million years would I do that I've said to my barrister if the shoe was on other foot she could see the kids half the time
I've now got to do a report on allegations of DV what sort of stuff should I put in
More stuff the ex has said she has said again I don't change his nappies and I don't feed him properly due to his food interloance also I take two of the kids back late than I should even thou I got text messages from her to say its OK to bring them back later they are also doing police disclosure before we split there's nothing even thou the ex says I was controlling and abusive for twenty years

Hi everyone you know my situation I was in relationship twenty years have kids 20 15 13 2.5 without shadow of a doubt I was always hands on parent and the main parent carer for the last ten years have various people to back me up the ex totally denying this saying I was always violent abusive to her and have a temper weird this was not a issue till we split up and I involved solictors there ate doing police check on me there will be nothing except after we split up at end sept 12 her first call to police was DEC 12 police did not even come out to me two weeks after she received my solicitors letter further complaints to police and complaint of me hanging round house even thou I have texts to say come round house now I. Got her latest statement and here goes it. Very long winded
3 significant incidents of DV to to have impact of over night contact with youngest but she can't remember specific dates
Says my care of children was only adequate but I was never main carer
I was shouty and impatient with them prone to fits of anger punching walls doors
Quick tempered do not believe I would managed with youngest
I know I should be great full the hours what she purposes
Every over weekend Fri sun
Every wed after school to Thursday morning just for 13 yr old
But knowing I was with my kids 24/7 being hands on parent all the time and now she can dictate to me when is my kids the truth I think is she trying to make up for lot time and this is her last chance
With youngest wed 11_6
Fri 11_6
Every over sat 8_6.30
,, ,, sun. ,,,,,,,,,,
I was having my youngest overnight till I involved solicitors
There's at least six pages double sided slating me every time
And my incaplable of looking after my kids
Even have my oldest going totally against me and lying and stating she wants nothing to do with me or my parents
The ex is now spending. Loads on kids spoiling them rotten trying to buy there love and I think trying to get them to agree with everything she says I feel now the kids don't care if I see them as much all because of this nasty person I saw old neilbour today who wrote me aothe letter saying I was with kids all the Tim and the only shouting she ever heard was from her
Feel so low though my kids would just tell the truth
The only people now who knows the truth is all my friends family old neilbours old school secretary old after school clubs
If this works out the way my ex wants I'm. Never going to have proper relationship with my kids again especially the youngesst

Bump

hi still going through [censored] still waiting on police report logs on me and ex there is nonething for twenty years untill we split for some reason its taking ages longer than what was stated
ive told my ex i only want to communicate though text but she seems to want to do it her way the other day for example i had to bring back my daughter at the time stated(feels like i got a asbo)but there was opening of christmas lights happening so asked ex for more time she rang up asked to speak to our daughter and agreed later time (even thou in past ex has slated me to my solictors judges for relying messages through our kids so text her to text me back a time so i got proof did she no all she said was i already told a time to %%%%
fast forward to yesterday and when i picked up my daughter my daughter have said i got to fill in a hand over book for any messages to ex what a joke the first message goes something like this """""""" has appointment the time u have him so you have to pick him up 2 hrs later and ex and her mother will be taking him i put i could easily take him as it is my time (but before ive sent this back to ex i wanted to ake copy
but last night had abusive text from ex stating im withholding book and is demanding it back i replyed do not want to involve our kids in any silly book just want to text with any info back and fou r with messages and last one she did was dont contact me again unless its about our kids weird when she was the one starting with messages
this is really getting on my nerves but it seems i cant even speak without her coplainting to my solictor guanteed that the lastest thing hapening she be emailing my solictor again she has done this many times even something as silly as my daughter listened to one direction song as i pulled up to drop her of and it was still playing when i went to door the ex said it was aggesive song and i was being threating what a joke

I think this is something your solicitor needs to get sorted once and for all - certainly an acceptable means of communication needs to be set up.