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Hi all help needed on what to do next
Seperated over a year ago from my wife at the begining she stopped me seeing the 2 children we had together for 9 weeks. as she got a solicitor to start talking to me as she was able to get legal aid. i wrote the repsonces myself with help of parents. Finally we got contact agreed. Over the course of the year she has aquised me of not having a bond with my 4 year old son. Might add she was not talking to me at all until the last few months she was alsogetting her family to do the hand overs. she has continued to say i have problems with him and that for example im too stricked and shout etc. However this is not the case at all, all the problems she has raised i have not seen on my weekends with him at all. So After having a great weekend last time i saw them to the next time of picking them up shes saying he does not want to come to me and she is now saying she is not going to send him if he does not want to come. I feel that she is doing something her end to influence whats happening. As i only took my daughter last weekend as i was dropping her off the mother in law was at the door and when i asked to speak to my son the little boy who didnt really want to look at me or say anything wasnt the same son i dropped off the last weekend?! Then i was verbally abused by the mother in law at the door i did not get in to a argument and walked away. I left a phone message on the ex's phone later that night calmy saying how i was disgusted that she allowed he rmother to do that in ear shot of the kids. So thats roughly whats happend so my question is where do i go from here as i believe i will still be getting my daughter as the contact we had agreed but not my son. She texted me saying its alll my fault and she is doing what she believes is in his best interest, continuley saying its the way i am with them, however i have countless family and friends who will back me up on how i am with the kids and how the kids are with me.
So any help would be much appreicated in this
Hi there and welcome 🙂
This must be very distressing for you and for the children.
The way the mother in law spoke to you is probably a good indication of what is being said around the children and could be a reason your son is expressing fears, children will often say what they think the parent wants to hear. Is your daughter younger? Splitting the children will only make matters worse in my opinion.
There are two options open to you, the first and the one that you should consider before taking it to court is mediation. This is where you would both attend at a mediation centre, and with the guidance of a trained mediator discuss all the issues and hopefully reach an agreement. There is a fee for this but if you are unemployed or on a low income you may get help with it. Heres a link ~
www.nfm.org.uk
The second and last resort is to apply to court for a defined contact order. If you cant afford a solicitor or qualify for Legal Aid, you can represent yourself, there are many Dads that do, and you will find lots of information and advice here about that. If you go to the top of the Legal Eagle section you will find two stickys, the first is about the form you would need to fill in and submit to the family court and is called "The Contact Order C100 Guide". The second is "A Guide to representing yourself in Court". Both have lots of information and are well worth a read. There is a fee of £200 to apply to the court for contact.
If your ex is allowing you to have contact with your daughter but not your son, she is already shooting hereself in the foot! The courts actively encourage both parents to be involved in a childs life, and the court would see this refusal to let you see your son as detrimental to his well being. If she is ok with the care you give your daughter when she is with you then the same must apply to your son. It looks to all intents and purposes that she is using her son as a weapon to hurt you. This is totally unacceptable, and wouldnt be tolerated by a judge.
I would advise you to keep a diary and record everything that is said concerning your children, with dates and times, keep all txts and emails, in fact make a note of everything that involves your children and your ex....you could start with what happened with the mother in law! Be civil in all your dealings with her and her family, even if they are not, and also keep a record of all of your contact and what you do together during contact. Take photos of your children interacting and being happy with you and your family, as this will be a helpful resource if it goes to court.
Good luck with everything and do keep in touch 🙂
Thank you for the advice. My daughter is only 2. When i was taking her home on this sunday just gone she was saying she didnt want to go back. The ex has constantly impplying that its a bond issue with my son, but like i have said i dont believe there to be one. I know from sources that during the begining of the split she was taking about me in front of children. The mother in law was saying it was all my faltt for the way in which i left over a year ago. In the text the ex sent me on monday she was saying she is no longer going to work with me on this, however during this year all she has done has just pointed the finger at me with problems. As i believe to this date my son has not had any offical help for these problems she has said hes got. It was only last week she said to me about a 6 week program starting in the new year a nursery nurse is going to help him express his feelings?! I said to her i wanted to work with her and be involved with this as i feel we need to get to the bottom of the problem as i dont understand as i dont have the problems you accuse me of on my weekends.
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