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Hi
Apologies first if you have read my previous posts.
I am currently seeing my 9 yr old twins every other w,end and every we'd evening.
Originally, I was seeking, in addition to this, a Monday sleepover (after the weekend I don't have them), and changing the Wednesday's which are 3-30-7pm, also to sleepovers.
I first started court proceedings in march, I am now about to change my access wishes to seek week with me and a week with my ex, she is obviously against this.
Firstly, would this look bad on me, I.e changing my access?
Secondly my kids are wAnting this, and cafcass are going to see them to gain info on their want and wishes.
And finally, in your experience do you think you are better off asking the courts for As much as you possibly can, knowing that the court will not give you everything you are asking for and will 'knock u down', ie give u less than u are seeking.
P.s sorry if this Ida little unclear,I'm starting to get very stressed, my ex has accused me of violence, alcohol issues, none are true, and I just desperately want to see more of my kids who I truly adore.
My final, most important point, surely the courts/cafcass wouldn't visit my children if they weren't going to add to the additional access (there has been NO problems whatsoever with my children and I, ex makes out I'm the worlds worst, but surely if I'm that bad I wouldn't have them at all). I always see them on time, care for them in immensely, responsibly. I left the mother but never,ever would I leave my children, they are my world.
Hi
I don't think you'd look bad changing your access wishes as long as it's reasonable and justifieable, and that it doesn't interfere with schooling etc. I generally think it's worth asking for as much access as possible (again, as long as it's reasonable) - there is the possibility that the courts might agree to it anyway, and if you ask for less, your ex will argue to get it reduced, plus it does allow you a bit of leeway to negotiate, which doesn't do any harm in court.
Thanks For response
It wouldn't interfere with schooling or anything else, I have purposely bought a house a mile away, and work flexi hours, so can take/pick up from school anytime.
I guess I'm just gettting nervous as they mean so much to me, my ex even got funny last night, as I have alternate weeks in the summer hols, my new partner, looked after hem one day, as I was in work, I know for a fact she will now inform the court that I'm asking for more time but can't get every day off work. My twins idolise, not too strong a word, my new partner, and have no problems, it's just my ex.
Again, I keep telling myself, surely cafcass wouldn't speak to children if they weren't realistically looking to grant me more access
Can you advise Paz, surely cafcass wouldn't want to see my children unless they are seriously considering increasing the access.
Cheers
The trouble is kids wishes and feelings are not the be all and end all of the case. Its quite possible your kids are saying they want more access to you, and telling their mum they want less access. Its not unusual for kids to tell parents what they think they want to hear.
CAFCASS' role is to try and decide whats in the kids best interests, thats not necessarily what they are saying they want.
When the CAFCASS report was ordered was that to assess the additional monday & wednesday evening contact? DO CAFCASS know that you are changing to request to week on week off?
It would be unusual for CAFCASS to ask what specific contact the kids want with you, as thats considered a leading question, which are no nos. They will ask open questions.....
How does spending time with dad make you feel? How does spending time with mum make you feel? Describe to me your home. Describe to me your family etc .. its that sort of questions that will be asked.
If your kids answer with specific times they want to spend with you, its entirely possible CAFCASS will think you have "primed" them to answer, because it would be an unusual answer for a child to make in these circumstances
Yes that was to assess the additional Wednesdays and Monday overnight stays.
As yet I haven't informed cafcass about my plans for a week each, this has only come to light in the last few days and seeing how my children are, I'm actually not back in court until November.
Hi,
As Tony has already pointed out, there really aren't any guarantees in these situations.
I don't think it's unreasonable to want to have your children more regularly and I would expect, given your close proximity and flexible working hours, that a court would agree to this to some extent. For example I would be optimistic about gaining an extra overnight stay each week in the short term, maybe even two nights on the week leading up to the weekend that you don't have your boys.
I doubt that a court would immediately agree to 50/50 contact, especially given the mothers current resistance to your desire to extend your current contact schedule. What you're asking for is a shared residence agreement, which recognises that your children have two homes. Whilst these agreements are becoming increasingly common, I find that 50/50 arrangments tend to be happen as a result of a mutual agreement reached in mediation, or after an appropriate amount of time has passed and emotions aren't as raw.
I would advise that you ask the court to consider a stepped approach to shared residency over the next 12-18 months, to allow for your relationship with the mother to improve. It's also worth noting that a shared residency agreement doesn't need to be a 50/50 split. They are often 70/30 or 60/40 splits.
I have a shared residency agreement with my son's mother, although it's not enshrined in a court order. I have him two nights a week and alternate weekends, which works out as 6 nights out of 14.
FM '70
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