Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
I split up from my ex partner 7 years ago. I have a son, 8 years old, with her. First I had to go to solicitors to stop her changing his name and to get parental responsibility. Which she agreed to but never signed.
Then 3 years ago I had to go to court to get access (as she refused all access for a 6 month period) and parental responsibility. I got this and more than I asked for in terms of access. Because the courts had recognised how unresonable she had been.
But now she has again refused all access for no reason. And breaching the court order which the police state they can't do anything about and just to go back to the solicitor. (which costs a fortune)
As it happens we do not have the money to go back to solicitors/court as it has cost roughly £3K altogether.
Does anybody have any advice on where I can go from here?? ❓
If it is any help I have not once breached the court order or changed it in any way. My ex partner has manipulated it frequently i.e. change times to earlier, where to drop off, when/where to pick up etc. She is always difficult and will shout/scream/be abusive/threaten my wife over anything i.e. my son having a ham sandwich for tea when he had had a large sunday dinner only a couple of hours before, also sending letters saying NOT to wash his clothes then the following week shout and scream at NOT washing his clothes.
Any advice would be grateful or if anyone has been in a similar situation as I am at my wits end..
Hi Wayne76,
Just something my solicitor said to me friday when i asked about the future of my situation and if a court order gets made that my she then breaches or messes me around then i can take her back to court...the solicitor says there should then be no reason why i couldn't then ask the court to claim my costs back. I have no idea how this can be done or what to do but will need more advice on this issue.
i do find the whole cost issue shocking.....that i should pay for wanting to be in my childs life.
I mean....if you had a car accident that wasn't your fault you claim costs from the other driver.....so why if it's your ex preventing contact with your child should you be found to be the victim should you be the one who has to pay? I pay maintenance for being the NRP so why should i pay for being vitimised by the ex too?
imagine a rapist claiming costs of his victim!
A warning on the costs issue, it can be time consuming, and the costs would be claimed from your ex, so if she doesn't have the money, then you aren't going to get your costs paid, and you have racked up costs in claiming costs.
Wayne, as you are no longer being represented by a solicitor, have a word with the Children's Legal Centre about going back to court for enforcement - your ex is in breach of the court order, which is contempt of court - the penalties can be anything up to a spell in prison if she persists.
Hi
Hopefully i can map out a way forward. I have been through all this myself, and rather than pay thousands to a solicitor who will have many other clients wanting his/her time, i did it myself - you should watch Lorenzos Oil as an inspiration. But it would mean reading and putting things togther. Total cost to me £175. She spent thousands and i won hands down.
A potential solution - contact from school to school through a contact order and then agreed single place for drop off and pick up during holidays...
Hope this helps
Richard
Total cost to me £175. She spent thousands and i won hands down.
Thought this was worth stressing 😀
Thanks for the advise it really means a lot to me.
I received a letter from her solicitor on Wednesday stating that she want to change access to once a month (instead of once a fortnight). The reason being I apparently told my son that it was ok to be naughty. Which is ridiculous. I don't know any parent who would say that. Plus why a solicitor would even send a letter for that.
Today I sent a text asking to even speak to my son, which she refused. So I contacted the police and explained the situation and they said I was within my right to come up and ask for my son as I have a court order.
This is suppose to be my weekend with my son so I went up just to ask if I could have him or even just to speak to him for 2 minutes. She flat out refused again and I walked away. She then sent a text saying she would get an injunction against me. What would that mean to my cause?
I have replied to her solicitor saying I would not compromise and that I have a court order that states I should have access to my son once a fornight.
Hi,
Aside from the issue of the frequency of contact, I think you need to find someone independent to act as an intermediary when handing over, either a contact centre, or picking up from school, or someone your both trust (tricky sometimes in this situation) - otherwise she is going to make claims that you are harrassing her at her house and it will be her word againsts yours, you really don't want to be in that position in court.
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.