Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi there, I'm new to this forum but have a question that I need help with. A little history, I split up with my then wife in 2004, we had two beautiful daughters Reese 3 and a half, Ashleigh 14mths, 2005 we got a divorce and in the settlemnt we have 50/50 custody. since the split I have had the girls every weekend, Christmas and took them on summer holidays and always paid the agreed amount to my ex for maintenance without fail every month.
Forward to now Reese nearly 13 and Ashleigh 10, although throughout the last 9 years the girls have said that they want to live with us (me and my current wife) more so Reese I have tried to gloss over it and put it down to the fact that weekend life is fun because they both get 100% attention. But Reese has become more fixated and vocal about her wanting to live with me now, I have asked the obvious questions, is home ok etc and her responce is yes but, its not here with you, there are other things but I wont go too indepth I would have them both in a heart beat.
My question is: Does the 50/50 custody and girls opinion count, I have tried to broach the subject with their mum my ex but, to try and resolve it as peacefully as possible, but all she is interested in is getting the money, any signs of issues she errupts, as far as she is concerned its her house her kids her rules and opinions no one elses count.
Hi there 🙂
I think it might be helpful to try either Mediation or Relate, both are child inclusive, both charge for the service.
Mediation is where you would attend, each of you alone initially, then together and with the help and guidance of a trained Mediator discuss the issues and hopefully come to an agreement...you could discuss with the Mediator the possibility of including your children in the discussions, it might be that as its the older daughter that has issues about who she wants to live with then it might be helpful for her to be included...they are so grown up at 13!
Again Relate can help families through break down and break up and can also include children in the counselling process.
If these suggestions aren't an option, or are not successful then you could apply to the court for a Residency Order, but courts are loathe to intervene where there are no safeguarding issues and usually splitting up siblings is not an option.
If you were married when the children were born then you have Parental Responsibility for them...Theoretically you could keep hold of your oldest daughter if she became so unhappy that it was effecting her emotionally, this isnt something I advise generally and if you were to consider this course of action I would advise you to telephone the police just to make sure that they wouldnt get involved if the mother were to call them and accuse you of kidnap! Also if you did this you would need to apply for Residency, and yes, because of her age she would be listened to...
I think if you possibly can you should try and sort this out without resorting to court action as this will create lots of bitterness and everyone will be affected. It might be helpful if you speak to the school to see if she is unsettled there as if she is unhappy this will usually be reflected by her school work and behaviour.
Best of luck 🙂
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.