Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: We are not open to new posts at this time
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
I drop my son back to nursery in his morning session at the end of contact and his mother picks him up. Since Christmas I've got him to nursery on time 2-3 times, the other times he's late or his mother tells me to take him straight back to her if she knows he's late. He goes mad each Wednesday because he really, really doesn't want to go back to her. I can't talk to her about this because in her eyes he should want her and only her, it'll cause a huge row and I'm likely to not see him for a while. I've tried everything, getting up early so he gets more time with me, toys while travelling, treats, bribery, talking about all the fun he'll have! I can't physically force him into his clothes, shove his breakfast down his neck and drag him out of the house. He was half an hour late last week and his Mum announced yesterday that as of next week, she's limiting me to one or two nights a week because he can't keep missing nursery. I've mentioned he gets upset in the mornings and she acts like I'm lying, she could easily change it to an afternoon session as she's a stay at home Mum and it's his free 15 hour entitlement but she won't. We have to leave at 645 in the morning to get to his nursery on time, she refused to let me have any other days of the week but now she's cutting it down to this little!
I know this looks bad on my part but he goes bonkers about going back, takes ages to calm down and get ready and will still have a little cry on the way back. Once he gets to nursery he's fine because it distracts him.
...It so difficult and I do sympathise....have you thought of capturing his upset with your phone? It might help her to see what you're up against.
Perhaps you could suggest Mediation, it would give you the opportunity to discuss a different approach with him, such as changing the days you have him etc. Its really all about getting the mum to be more flexible with you and that can be hard.
All I get while he's here is he hates her, she's horrible, he doesn't want to see her, he wants to stay here, he wants me to hide him from her. She knows he gets upset leaving but not the true extent of it, she'd flip out and take it out on him and that's not fair, he can't tell me things as "I'll get in trouble with mummy". I hate seeing him so unhappy.
We tried mediation before but didn't even get that far. She'll probably be nice as pie infront of people but vicious and manipulative towards my son and I.
How old is your son? Is there no way that his days cannot be changed so that he doesn't go to nursery on the days you take him back. It must be really hard and I so feel for you.
Hi liamunited,
So your Son currently attends Nursery? 30mins late? I honestly don't see the issue here unless Mum is claiming something about it?
School and 30minutes would be a very different matter.
If she is threatening to cut down Contact i would suggest you tell her you are not in agreement to this and as what the reasons are that she "flips out" so to speak? That should be your first port of call. If she then insists on the one night a week make an appointment with a local mediator
If she declines the above then you have a reason to begin Court proceedings. Hopefully and in many cases, the mere threat often does the trick 🙂
How old is your son? Is there no way that his days cannot be changed so that he doesn't go to nursery on the days you take him back. It must be really hard and I so feel for you.
Don't be silly.. that'd mean she was doing something for the benefit of someone other than herself, lol. Nursery are 100% ok with it when he's late as long as they're phoned with an eta. It makes me laugh because when she texts and finds out he's not at nursery bang on time, half the time she asks me to take him straight to her so how is that all down to me when he doesn't go at all? Adding to that that I see in his nursery book that she doesn't bother taking him in some days.
I don't see the problem either, obviously I don't want him to be late all the time but I think she overreacted because she's slowly realising our son doesn't want to be there and trying to show some sort of "power", she's a big control freak. I told her calmly that I'm not going to agree to it and I don't think it's in our sons best interests. She hasn't spoken to me since so hopefully she's just cooling off!
I feel sorry for you fella. I am amazed that she thinks being slightly late is such an issue, it's lucky if my daughter is at aschool for more than two days in a row with my ex. I would record everything and have an attendance record printed off from the school and a letter to say that you always let the school know when he will be late. I have recently been going through the school to obtain why my daughter has missed so much and why she is constantly late and they have been very good at providing all the details I need for my next court date.
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
