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Hello everyone !
I have searched and searched the internet looking for help and advice over the past few months and seem to have ended up back where i started. This has led me here looking for help.
I have a 4 year old daughter to my ex she was born in 2005 and i have registered the birth so have 50% pr. my ex also has 2 other children who were 3 and 4 when we first me they are now 8 and 9. No residence orders are in place.
2 years ago my ex left for the first time and we agreed to 50/50 care of our daughter which once she was settled into her new house quickly changed and she began to dictate when i could see my daughter. Not happy with this i took legal advise and when my daughter returned to the family home with me i did not allow mum to take her again, i was quite fightend that she was going to do the same. It was only going to be a matter of days before i had an appointment to see my solicitor so hopefull rectify the situation. But within a couple of days my ex had gone to an emergency court and got a prohibited steps order and i had to return her. The order was gained by telling lies, and i did not see my daughter for 19 days,untill this time had never been more than 1 night without seeing her. when i went to cort 19days on i was granted supervised contact for 1 hour on a sat(i could not believe how rediculas this was as i had cared for my daughter equaly, if not more throughout her life) I had no choice but to agree so i could see my daughter.
I got to see my daughter that day and within a day my ex rang me and said i could come pick her up for a few days (bearing in mind the order had been gained by her sayin that my daughter was at risk with me??) with this i picked up my daughter. to cut a long story short within 2 months of leaving my ex had moved back home with the kids and things were back to normal. Although there was a court date set to review the initial contact set out previously (which now was not relevent) My ex then refused to go back to court or speak to her solicitor and also did not want me to go (i refused as i felt it was my duty to stand and show that the whole thing was a nonsense and the court had been manipulated just for the needs of my ex) I went to court on the day and my ex solicitor asked ME? where my ex was. I explained the situation and the solicitors went into court while i stayed outside, the whole thing was dropped and the prohibative steps order was dropped.
2 years on and my ex has now left for the 2nd time with the children, again we agreed there needs to be no problems and we will look after our daughter on a 50/50 basis and we agreed that nither of us pay maintenance and if our daughter needs anyting i would pay.
Once again within a few weeks things started to change and she made it hard for me to see my daughter. We eventualy agreed via solicitors letters that i would collect my daughter from school tue overnight and thake her back to school wed, i wouid then get her from school fri and take her back to mum sometime sat. After this she then agreed via solicitors letter that we could now sort the issue out between ourselves and we continused with the arrangements but every other weekend when i was not working i would have our daughter till eiter sun or back to school mon (althought this was not in writing) i also had her extra days when my ex required. We had also agreed that i was to take my daughter on holiday abroad for 2 weeks in april, and that i look after my daughter for the half term week in feb so my ex could go away for a week (a holiday she never went on)
This has run smooth for 6 months now since we split until about 5 weeks back when we had parents evening (school said my daughter was fine and managing wery well at this time, they commented on how she asked if dad was collecting her every day and school had to eventualy say on the days i did collect her "yes dad is getting you today") the problem came when i dropped my daughter off at mums before the school meetin as mum decided not to go, as i was leaving school mum was there for her other 2 children we spoke about how well daughter was doing, and i asked where she was my ex said "with my mum at my house" i said ok and left to go home.Befor i drove home i rang my ex house to congratulate my daughter on how well her report was ans she was constantly asking me about parents evening before i went, but there was no answer at the house , with this i rang her mother and when i asked to speak to my daughter my ex mother said she was not with her and she did not know where she was. Now worried i tried to contact my ex but got no reply so iwent to her house hoping she had not left the chidren alone. The children were there and had been lift with a man who i now know to be her boyfriend. Clearly i was not to happy with this and took my daughter home and told the man i will return her later when my ex is home, there was no argument and me and my daughter went home.
That night my ex demmanded i take her back, which i did but she was not willing to talk to me about the fact she had lied about the whereabouts of my daughter and caused me to worry. She then said "right she is not going on holiday with you now" (now paid for). I left to let her settle down hoping she would comw round.
5 weeks on she has not come round and has collected my daughter from school before me (out of school early) on the days i am supposed to collect her. I have now not seen her since last sat, and recieved an ultimatum on fri and a solicitors letter saying she wished to reduce contact, giving the excuse that over the past few weeks my daughters behaviour in school has been bad and she has been tired. If i did not agree to this on that day FRI via soliciotrs then i could not pick my daughter up from school that day as usual ??? I refused to agree and went to school to collect my daughter to find she had gone and took her out of school early to prevent me gitting her.
With this i spoke to the head re the claim of poor behaviour and he said its nothing to worry about and its only been over the last week or so that she has seemed unsettled (the last 2 weeks she has not seen her father, could be the explination) the head said he is going to reccommend to my ex that things have been fine for 6 months and my daughter has been doing well (as was said just 5 weeks ago in parents evening) and that they should go back to how they were eg dad collects her tue and fri from school.
This brings me to today SAT i have now not seen my daughter for 1 week, and these things my ex always seems to do at weekends when i cant contact my solicitor i also am having a huge financial struggle due to my ex leving our property and debts and now not contributing, every time i have to use my solicitor i have to borrow money to pay, i have no idea how to stop my ex thinking she can control whan my daughter sees me and have tried and tried to bend over backwards to accommodate her, i had my shift pattern changed to accommodate the days she had suggested (which she has now requested change to complete different days days i dont have off due to my work already accommodating the previous request)
I dont know how to stop this and my daughter i can only imagine is distraught as she has not seen me for so long, i am also worried that on the days i am supposed to collect her that my daughter is seeing it as me lettin her down as i am sure mum is not telling her when she asks where is dad that she has not allowed him to pick her up. Is it just me or does anyone else think that this behaviour is unreasonable ( and what about if i go to court would they think this i am feared of my contact reducing)
Im going to stop there because it is very long winded and i hope someone can offer me advice or maby someone has experianced a similer thing. Thank you
Hi Mate
Having read your post we would like to ask one of our experts to have a look at your situation on the inforamtion given. This will be done in confidence and we will post their reply here. If you wish the reply to be private then please say so and we can arrange to contact you via email.
It may take a few working days to hear back for our experts (Childrens Legal Centre) so please do hang in their.
Hi
We have heard back for our partners at the Childrens Legal Centre - here is their reply.
If you wish to have more contact with your daughter or to formalise the contact you are having, the first step is always to try to negotiate with the other parent or person with care for the child, in this case your daughter's mother. It is advisable to commence this negotiation in writing, even if she does not respond or refuses to compromise, as you can then show that you attempted to resolve the matter amicably should it go to court at a later date.
You should also suggest mediation as a way of finding an agreement outside court which can be flexible and less confrontational than attending court. The contact number for National Family Mediation is 01392 271610 and their website is www.nfm.org.uk . Any agreement reached in mediation is not legally binding but it is useful to suggest mediation to your ex partner because if she does refuse to attend this will be shown in court that she refused to negotiate.
Contact is a right of the child, not of either parent. However, this is often not the case as the contact can be controlled by the parent with whom the child is living and that parent can refuse to agree to any form of compromise or agreement. If you are unhappy with the outcome of writing to the mother and suggesting mediation or the mother will not allow you contact or does not respond, then you are able to apply to court for a contact order.
To apply for a contact order you can use a solicitor, or you can represent yourself which is known as being a 'Litigant in Person'. As you explained you have a solicitor but you are finding it expensive. It is possible represent yourself in making this application, you will need to download the application for a contact order from www.hmcs.gov.uk or collect this from your local court. You require form C100, and you should also obtain forms CB1 and CB3. The C100 form is the application for the order, and the other forms are guidance on how to complete the application, where to file it and what will happen next. When you file the application there is a fee of £175. You will then receive acknowledgement from the court which will include details of when your first appointment in Court will be.
When the matter goes to court, the judge will hear all the circumstances. There is an assumption that a child should have contact with both parents and it is rare that contact is not granted, however it is for the judge to decide what is best for your daughter and whether or not he feels that granting a contact order will be in her best interests.
You mentioned you are worried that your contact time will be reduced if you apply to court. However contact will only be reduced if it is shown that you pose a risk to your daughter. You will be able to show from the previous court hearing that your ex girlfriend fabricated the evidence before the court, as the Prohibited Steps Order was dropped. Also if the school are in support of the previous contact arrangement you could try to obtain a letter from the school setting this out as evidence.
Applying for a contact order could be beneficial for you because if an order is made, this will be legally binding and your daughter's mother will be expected to send her daughter to contact sessions, and can be penalised if she does not do this. There are various sanctions the court can put in place for breach of a contact order, such as fines, warnings, unpaid work and in extreme cases imprisonment.
We hope this information is useful to you, if you require further information regarding child law please call our advice line on 0845 120 2948.
We hope that this information is useful to you, do post again and let us know how things go.
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