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Hi,
I am new to this site and any advice that I can get will be much appreciated.
I am 24 years old and have a 5 year old daughter who I deeply love. When her mother fell pregnant we were not an item. We did not get into a proper relationship until my daughter was 9 months old. Unfortunatley things did not work out between her mother and I and I left when my daughter was 3 years old. When I left I went back to my own mothers house, and left all of my belongings i.e furniture etc in the house that my daughter and my ex lived in. From the moment I left her, she did not want me to have any access at all to my daughter, but my mother was allowed to see her every Sunday at my mothers home. This at the time was an ideal situation, as it meant I did not have to trail my daughter through courts etc etc. After a few months my ex stopped my daughter from coming to my mothers house, and my mother went to a solicitor and gained grandparents rights. There was a court order put in place that my mum get my daughter every Sunday from 11am to 5pm. Since i left my ex we have very little contact. I have tried to reason with her for my daughters sake, but to no avail. I contact her at christmas or birthdays as my daughter will tell me what presents she would like, but i am always afraid that maybe her mother will have got her the same thing. I have asked her on a number of occasions for more access to my daughter which at first she seems to agree with, but then very quickly changes her mind, which is deeply upsetting for me. I have moved out of my mothers house for a year now, and I am living with my new partner, who I have been with for a year now. As soon as my ex found out about this, she claims she does not want my new g/f to have anything to do with her daughter as she does not want to distress her etc etc, which to a point i fully understand. I still attend my mothers house every Sunday to see my daughter for a few hours, but every week it gets harder and harder as my daughter does not want to leave without me, or if I leave before she does, she wants to come with me and having to tell her that she cant breaks my heart. It is even worse to watch her break her heart and sob uncontrollably. Over the last few weeks I have decided to try one last time with her mother to come to an agreement over access, but today, my mother, who still has a court order to get my daughter every sunday, has received a letter from my ex's solicitor saying that she is taking my mother to court to have the court order stopped as she claims my daughter is returning to her mothers home distressed and cheeky and banging doors. My ex spoke to my father to say that the reason for her doing this is nothing to do with my parents, but to do with family arguments that are supposed to occur in my mothers home. I can assure you that this is not the case. the reason my daughter goes home distressed is because she is leaving me and wants to stay with me. I am at my wits end and it is tearing me apart. Any advice would be ever so appreciated. My daughter is the most important thing to me! I should also point out that my name is NOT on the birth certificate and I am going to a solicitor for help in gaining some sort of access to my child...do you think I have a chance?
Thank you for taking the time to read this and I hope to hear from anyone soon.
Kind Regards,
Criago
Craigo, Thanks for the post, I've forwarded this over to our friends at the Children's Legal Centre to ask them to respond as there are obviously some key legal aspects to what you've shared. It may take them a couple of days but we find the advice is always worth the short wait!!
Just another angle might be for your parents to consider calling the Grandparents Association helpline? I work for the Family Matters Institute one of the organisations behind Dadtalk and we've been working with the Grandparents Association to lobby the Government to change in the law surrounding Grandparents access? It might be another angle of support / advice or way to address the contact issues?
The contacts are http://www.grandparents-association.org.uk/index.php or http://www.grandparents-association.org ... pline.html
and the helpline number 0845 4349585
Hope this helps, Buzz
Thanks very much Buzz...I look forward to hearing from the Childrens Legal Centre
Hi Craigo
As I read your post my heart broke for you and your daughter. I know a little of what you are going thorugh as I am splitting up with my wife. I have two kids 5 and 7 and, although I have access, there are a few difficulties. I can only imagine the pain frustration and distress you feel. I don't have any clever advice I am afraid I just wanted to let you know that I understand what your going through and wish you all the best along your journey! I hope it works out.
You are a great Dad, even if you haven't had proper chance to "do" it yet.
All the best!
PAK man (Paul)
Dear Craigo,
Thank you for contacting the Children’s Legal Centre, an independent charity concerned with law and policy affecting children and young people.
At present it appears that you have taken a very reasonable approach and have attempted to negotiate with the mother regarding contact. The other possibility before going down the legal route is to suggest mediation.
The contact number for National Family Mediation is 01392 271610. The mother does have the right to refuse this but it may still be worth suggesting so you can show you have attempted all other routes.
If an agreement can not be reached or the mother refuses to attend, then the only other option you would have would be to apply to court yourself for a contact order.
You are able to do this yourself or with a solicitor, and as you stated that you intend to see a solicitor they will advise you on how they will proceed.
With regards to not being named on the birth certificate, this means that you will not have Parental Responsibility unless you were married to the mother, which it appears you were not.
Parental Responsibility gives you the right to a say in the major decisions affecting your daughter’s upbringing, for example schooling, religion, medical treatment and whether the mother could take her to live abroad.
At present the mother is the only person with any decision making power regarding your daughter and can make all of these decisions without consulting you.
Assuming the mother will not agree to you having Parental Responsibility, then you are also able to apply for a court order to gain this.
If this matter does go to court then the judge will look at all the circumstances and would make a decision as to whether or not to grant these applications based on what is thought to be in the best interests of the child in question.
There is a general presumption that contact with both parents is best for the child, and it is very rare that this is not granted. The court would also generally grant an unmarried father Parental Responsibility where they feel it is safe for the child to do so.
With regards to the letter that your mother has received, your child’s mother can not stop the contact granted by the court without taking the matter back to court or she will be in breach of the order.
Your mother has the option of making an application for enforcement to the court if she wishes to do so.
The forms that your mother requires will be either the C78 or C79, depending upon when the order was issued. If your mother also obtains form CB5 this will explain the relevant forms and the process for having the order enforced. All of these forms are available from www.hmcs.gov.uk , or your mother can choose to see a solicitor regarding this matter.
We hope that this information is useful to you. Should you require any further advice, or would like to know how to make any of these applications yourself, please contact our Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help.
Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre
would it be worth considering having contact at a contact centre - that way your ex-partner could not object to the contact arrangements.
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