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Hi,
My husband and his ex partner have separated over 2 and a half years ago. They have two kids together a boy of 9 and a girl of 3. Long story short she is denying him any kind of contact or access to the children. Last time we saw the kids was the Christmas of 2010, since then nothing, she has changed the house phone number, the locks on the house that they jointly own with my husband, Skype account is blocked so my husband and his son can't chat (which they were doing before every day).
In November 2011 we went to a solicitor and started the whole process as we want regular contact with the children. We got legal aid, meanwhile my husband never stopped e-mailing his ex asking her to sort things out between themselves without having to drag the children through court but ... no reply. He got hold of her phone number and he is phoning her up every day hoping that she will pick up the phone and let him speak to the kids but NO.
The Mediation Consortium contacted her in January of this year and eventually after her trying to slow down the process as much as possible they had a meeting with mediation in April, but she obviously wasn't ready to mediate as she answered to everything with "NO, I am not letting him see my children" She is claiming that his son doesn't want to see or have anything to do with his father. Both of us find this strange and don't believe it as last time we were with the kids everything was fine. We know that she has said some horrible thing to the kids about their father which are all lies.
Anyway after Mediation didn't work, we have applied for legal aid again and our solicitors are now waiting for Legal funding to decide whether we qualify or not so we can proceed to courts and get that contact order that seems like the only way to get to the kids.
Our question is is there anything that my husband can or should do while we are waiting as it has been such a long time since he last saw his two beautiful children, more than a year and a half now??? We are both desperate to get our family together as we had a baby as well and the children don't even know they have a little brother.
Any help will be appreciated !
Hi GC,
Sorry to hear of your situation. Its not as uncommon as some people would make out.
If you already have a Solicitor acting for you, who is i would assume getting this case up and running as quickly as possible to the local Courts, in the mean time all i can suggest is to keep positive, keep busy and keep a diary.
As some people on here know, i'm actually quite against going for Mediation as a first priority. In my opinion in situations like this, the Courts must become involved. They may make a direction that Mediation is to take place, however i would argue that Mediation in the past has proved unsuccessful and there would be a legitimate concern that Mediation may be used a stalling tactic.
Its important to also remember that in this situation, given the age gap between the children, for the daughter separate contact may be argued by Mum. His son, in my opinion is old enough to recollect his Dad. A Court in my honest opinion should be convinced that a direction following the first hearing could be for your husband to have him for a few hours in the interim each week. The idea is that this builds up to overnight stays.
You also have an argument to consider in that with a new brother in the picture, it is beneficial for your step children to have involvement 🙂
I would also suggest that rather than your husband calling every day, he text. You'd be very surprised how easily this could be treated as harassment. The texts if he does decide to send them need to be focused on the children.
Is your husband paying maintenance?
Hope this has helped somewhat and any other questions or updates, please keep us posted 🙂
Hi Yoji,
Thank you for your reply and advice.
We are trying to keep positive but as you know in situation like that it is very easy to feel helpless and upset. We are keeping diary of everything that happens, every attempt that we have made to contact the children, all the e-mail we have sent and received from their mother and so on.
Yes my husband is paying maintenance 🙂 We are doing everything right all we have left to do is wait and hope for a solution.
I agree completely with yoji about texting rather than calling, and keep a record of the texts so you can show these to a court if necessary. I would say that when it gets to a court issuing a contact order (as I'm 100% certain that they will), you raise the point at that time that you are concerned thay your ex has been so obstructive that she may not comply with the order. This will hopefully prompt the judge to issue a stern warning to your ex on the penalties available should she not comply - always worth getting it said if possible, in my opinion.
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