[Solved] Desperately in need of advice!

Hi there 🙂

Before the judge said she was signing the case off did she say specifically that she wasnt awarding you any more contact? Did you speak up when she said she was signing the case off?

In all honesty I dont think you would be successful if you appealed. The judge may well be of the mind that as the child is only 18months old she is too young for overnight stays yet. Thats not to say I agree with how she has handled your case....Some judges are biased towards the mother, and in my opinion it appears that this is worse where women judges are concerned.

Did you present the judge with a timetable of contact, what did you ask for? I always advise anyone going for contact to set out a comprehensive timetable of increasing contact, to include holidays in the summer and Easter, shared christmases and birthdays. I also suggest asking to have access to passports written into the contact order.

I'm really upset for you that you didnt get heard and have ended up with less and nothing with regard to holidays etc. Dont give up, leave it for six months and then reapply to vary the contact order. Next time you will be much better prepared and know what to expect. I feel the judge has dismissed you offhand, and because of your inexperience you wern't as vocal as you could have been...thats not a criticism, the courtroom can be a very daunting place.

You could try writing to the judge and asking for clarification as to why you were not given the opportunity to ask for contact that would encompass the changing needs of your daughter, that you were hoping to get contact increased over a period of six months to include full weekend contact at the end of that time. you could ask her to reopen the case so that your requests may get heard and given consideration...its a long shot though.

Thanks you very much for your reply.

The judge said that she believed we could sort it between ourselves. My ex took the opportunity to lie and say contact distressed my son - I have photos of our time together and he always has a great time!
I can't understand why the judge thinks that a woman who denied me contact for months is capable of reasoning with me to increase contact as my son gets older...

I had with me a progressive contact schedule backed up with reasons why such a schedule would be beneficial to my son. She didn't want to see it. To be honest the judge would barely look my way...

How would I go about writing to the judge?

I agree with NJ I doubt very much you could appeal. NJ's suggestion of writing to the Judge is a good idea, I would write to the Court and mark it for the attention of the Judge who heard the case.

Your son being only 18 months old is a reason why the Judge left it at 10 hours a week for now, but with your ex's final comments, I am really surprised that the Judge signed off on it as it shows that the ex is not happy with the 10 hours a week!

Did you both have to file statements with the Court?

If you don't have any success, leave it 6 months and re-apply. Then file a statement, showing photocopies of the photos and a copy of the proposed contact schedule.

...Sorry for referring to your son as she and daughter.....a momentary senior moment! :}

I feel you pulled the short straw and got a poor judge. It has been something I've often noticed, when a woman judge has been sitting, their attitude barely masks their bias! 😡 This happened to my son in March, the female judge allowed the mother to sulk openly, have outbursts, pull faces, and worse of all ignored serious safeguarding issues highlighted by CAFCASS....it beggers belief! The only person the judge told off was my son, for referring just once to his son as my son, not our son! Unbelievable...

The name of the judge will be on the Contact Order, so just address the letter to her at the court. To be honest, if she wouldnt even look at your proposals, and indicated that you should sort it out between yourselves, I cant see her taking any notice of your letter.

I know its hard but I think your best bet is to try and get evidence that your ex is not interested in progressing your contact. After a month write her a letter/email requesting extra time, remind her that the judge expected you both to work together in the best interests of your son by agreeing to progress contact. Suggest what extra contact you want to move up to, and ask her to reply with her agreement or refusal, and if she's not happy to increase contact, then ask her for her reasons.

If she agrees all well and good, if she doesnt then write back and express your disappointment and ask her for a schedule that she would be happy with. This can be done in writing, by email or txt, just as long as you can transcribe the txts or photo shot them...just so long as you have a dated copy that can be filed as evidence if/when you go back to court to vary the order. If posting her a letter get proof of postage. Any communication you have with her keep a record of it. I think if you write each month proposing extra contact and make no headway then you will be within your rights to take it back to court within 6 months.

This is what you are going to have to do to prove that she is incapable of working with you for the benefit of your son, and is trying to prevent you both from establishing a strong bond by denying you proper contact, or recognising your sons changing needs as far as progressing contact as directed by the court.

We didn't have to file statements - it was only supposed to be a directions hearing! You can imagine my astonishment when she said that was it.
This judge didn't mask her bias either - I wasn't even allowed to defend the lies she told about my son not wanting to spend time with me. She visibly only made notes in her notebook when my ex spoke, not even once when I spoke did she make any notes.
Sounds like your son had a tough time of it too - I hope he's doing well now!

What upsets me most is that I used to have 6 of 14 days with him and now I can't even have a full day to take him out unless the ex has something better to do and gives me a couple of extra hours.
I'm quite the pro at evidence gathering now luckily! I have every receipt of everything I have ever bought my son and transcripts of all correspondence with the ex in the past year (when I did research into dads rights I quickly realised you have to be on the ball).
Thank you both again. I'll continue with the letter to the judge ( any ideas on content?) and will wait a while then try to progress contact through the ex.

My only concern about asking the ex for more contact each month - what if she cites it as harassment? She isn't beneath that!

If the order states that you are to work out further contact between yourselves, then requesting the enactment of that in writing can't be construed as harassment in my opinion. If you were sending daily texts or even weekly letters then she might have a point.

As far as letter content to the judge....just voice your concerns about not having a defined schedule of progressive contact to work with, and your sense that without that guidance your ex will continue to be obstructive and non compliant with the directions she (thejudge)has given. Ask her to reconsider signing off the case and respectfully request that she permits a further hearing to allow more definition for both parties. Mention again that your contact has been drastically reduced and with no safeguarding issues you find yourself at a loss to understand why. Speak of your commitment to your son ( remembering to refer to him as our son!) and your responsibility to uphold his right to have both parents fully involved in his life.

It's very difficult, if she barely hid her bias in court she is likely to dismiss your letter anyway.

If you'd like to run the finished letter past me you can either post it on here or PM me with it and I'll read through it 🙂

Good grief! Rubbish Judge. If its meant to be a Directions hearing that's why its called a Directions hearing, the Judge tells you what she wants, not just sign off the case!!! I am sorry that happened to you(:

Yes do be respectful in your letter to the Court,

Ain't that the truth! Injustice is alive and well in the Family Law courts! 😡

It doesn't sound like due process has been followed here. I would look into an Appeal on those grounds. I think that an Appeal has to be made within 14 days of the decision being made so best to look into an Appeal as quickly as possible. It might be worth contact the following link for advice on making an application to the Court of Appeal http://www.rcjadvice.org.uk/

Thank you for the advice, I called Coram free legal aid this morning, and the advice was pretty much similar to yours nanny, try and write to the judge and if that seems to fail, then proceed with asking every month with the ex and see what happens regarding the contact

, I'll pm you with the draft tomorrow and then get it in the post!

Thank you again for all your help in the situation, I honestly do not know where I would be right now without it!

Just keep connecting with us and we will try and help you through this as best we can. You are seeing your son, I know it has been reduced but at least you still have an ongoing connection...It's small consolation but its something to hold onto and build upon. 🙂

I am at my daughters tomorrow, it's my babysitting day, I get back home at about 4.45pm. Unfortunately she doesn't have Internet access so I won't be able to take a look at your draft until then, but it will be the first thing I do as soon as I get in...even before I put the kettle on!

I've sent you a PM 🙂

Just had some great news, it seems like the letter to the Judge had worked! I called up today to find out where the order was as I have changed address since the last hearing, and the clerk looked at the file and said it was strange as it seems like the judge has marked it for another directions hearing but not given it a date, so the clerk will be putting it before the bench for a date on the case! It means more court, but it is not the end of the road it seems! I cannot be more happy that things are looking to continue!

Oh, and I am getting the papers they didn't send to me which is good 🙂

Thank you so much everyone, I couldn't of done this without your advice!

keep on going - it's worth it in the end 🙂

That's great news dad407!

Nanny does know best 😛

I discovered the same thing today - if your not getting anywhere there is no harm writing to the judge.....

BW

Aww thanks Boycie! I've been away this weekend, just got back so I've got some forum catch up to do! 🙂