[Solved] Do i Have to attend mediation?

There's a good section at the top of here about self repping read through it a few times to understand it. As it's a children hearing CAFCASS will be involved they will speak to your partner and his ex indivdually he can highlight the previous issues. I would suspect that due to the Ex breaking the previous court orders. etc that if they allow contact it will be supervised with CAFCASS keeping an active role during the length of the case. How do you know she's getting legal aid anyway?

Also due to her previous behaviour then it would be supervised contact only to begin with I'd think, I would write back and explain that you are not opposed to her having contact however it will need to be in a supervised enviroment to begin with and she can send them letters etc. I would also ask for further information who the new partner is etc you dont know him from Adam and I think you can get a basic background check done (Sara's law?)

If mediation is required then it will could come out of her Legal aid if granted. But I dont think it will be required in your case I think the lawyer is trying to call your bluff.

I'd also be in touch with the CSA to ensure she's paying for her kids as well.

Hi there Kelly 🙂

It sounds as if you've all been through a lot and well done you for supporting your fiance and his children.

From what you say, your fiance has had custody of the children for quite a while now and the longer that is the further away the chance of the mother getting custody back. Your fiance is the resident parent and as such is within his rights to stop any contact if he feels that there is a risk to the children.

Its good that youve kept all the abusive texts as these will be useful to demonstrate the kind of person the mother is. If you cant afford Mediation then you can state this in court, the judge may then order mediation through the court. As she is so abusive he can also say that he feels unable to communicate with her. The court may consider the case too complex for Mediation to be of any help anyway.

Has he got on to Social Services about her demands? I am surprised that they dont want to get involved with her as she is pregnant and because her other children were taken from her it would be usual for the Services to be involved with any further children. I wouldn't take her word for it anyway, and if your fiance hasnt contact them he should ASAP.

Once in court CAFCASS will be involved and will look into her background, they will talk to you fiance and as she was considered an unfit mother this will be an issue for her in court. She may have turned her life around but as she has had little contact with the children she cant expect to just step back in to their lives. In my opinion she will need to have supervised contact at a contact centre that is monitored for the safety of the children. There could come a time when she may well be allowed unsupervised contact but she would have to prove herself first and the childrens wishes would pay a part in that.

I'm not saying its going to be easy and your fiance may have to make some compromises but I dont think theres any real chance that custody will be given back to the mother as they are settled with their Dad now and that counts for a lot.

There are lots of Dads on here that have represented themselves in court so its doable...we are always here to help and support and there is also CCLC (Coram Childrens Legal Centre)that can give you lots of useful advice. They are there specifically to help parents who do not have any legal representation, they have a freephone number and they also post on here. I'll ask one of the Moderators to ask them to come along and give you some advice.

Best of luck 🙂

Hi,

Thank-you for getting back to me.

supervised is deffo the only way and this was on the contact order stating "because previously talking to children about adult related issues" We know she is getting legal aid as this is why she is doing it now, because of changes as of 1st April, she sent a text saying "hurry up else i wont get legal aid". He paid for half hour with a solicitor the other week and she said he does not have to go to mediation, so he contacted mediation and said he doesn't want to go as he has already offered her "supervised at contact center" so sees that there is no need for mediation as she is pushing for 3 hours alone once a week and he will never agree to it till he has reports back saying that she is ok alone with children now, (keep in mind the school also offered her an hour a week at the school, and the women had to step in once as his ex was talking about adult issues) after 2 weeks of not turning up the school would no longer help as it was effecting the children schooling in the afternoon. So he rang mediation, and they said that she already has her appointment booked and basically it would look bad on him if he doesn't turn up, and it also means she will get the paper work to apply to courts and advised him to come say what he has to offer and then he too can get the papers needed?? he has to take with him bank statements for the month to show his income to get legal aid, but we will not get legal aid so therefore we will have to pay £125 (so they have told us), just dont see how it is fair when we dont even feel we need to go, so this annoyed my partner as he paid solicitor and she says he dont have to go but now he feels he has to?.

As for her new babies dad, in the solicitors letter we received, it had a section in there that said about her now being in a womens refugee due to her babies dad being abusive towards her?? We want to find out how long she has said to have been in this relationship as she was singing his praises for as long as we can remember!!

Last night my partner looked up her solicitor and found that she is actually a 'family law executive' with very bad grammar, punctuation and the letter itself I would say is not worth the paper its written on as it is very contradicted!! Heres an example (just one of a couple lol)... at the start its states that she is aware his ex had the children taken off her because of drug and alcohol addiction aswell as suffering depression in 2010 (the actual date is 2011) , further down the letter it says "the last time she seen the kids was on her daughters birthday at his house" then a bit later on it says "on your daughters birthday your partner was there, therefore you refused to allow your children's mum to see the children, and because of this she has suffered a break down and has found it very hard to come to terms with not seeing her children". I have to say that on this day i had arranged to leave at 11am knowing she was coming at 12pm (like she was told). However she arrived at 10am, My partner panicked and tried to tell her to come back at 12pm, but as it was his daughters birthday I said i would stay upstairs out the way whilst she spends time with the kids, so she came in she knew i was there and said "she can come down im cool", i did say "no its ok" but the children came up saying "mummy likes you now you can come down, please come down" so for the children i did (for the last half hour of her time with them) she left and that was it nothing more said. And my step daughter will say the last time she seen her mum was on her birthday when i was there!! so its not as though we making that up. So if she has had a breakdown surely this is same as depression so therefore would we not be well within our rights to know that she is ok (by a doctor) since this is one of the reasons she no longer has the children?! But further on in the letter she makes out the breakdown is due to her abusive relations ship and says "my client now feels ready to resume a relationship with her children".

She doesn't pay a penny for the kids and never has done, the only money we get off her is £5 a month which is cost to cover damages she made to my partners car, and for compensation as she used his name after they split and got a store card so she has to pay that! she has never ever paid a penny to the children, he has said about going to CSA tbh.

Another thing... Social services wrote on the last lot of paper work in 2011 "we believe that (his exs name) has a personality disorder", so seeing this we looked it up, and found "antisocial personality disorder" and when we read it, it was like it was wrote bout my partners ex every single letter of it, right down to her never saying sorry for the things she has said about her own children, and even now she will say "you know im a good mum", "ive done nothing wrong" and blames everyone else, its crazy but we are no doctors so can not say this to the courts or anyone, but she really shouldn't be alone with children. She truly believed that social services will not bother her after she has the baby in June, she sent text messages saying they have seen her 3 times and are happy with her so are leaving her to it?. Obviously i do not know social services ways, but i do not feel the baby would be safe and i totally fear for that childs safety i really do. Her medical records will show that after both children she was on anti depressants due to postnatal depression!! I know the new baby is none of my business but there is alot more to this women than i have wrote here. :(.

Thank you again for your reply and sorry for my essay! im going to take a look at self repping section now :), he repped himself in the last court case and done really well and stayed up hours looking into things online, but hes just a lil worried that she will get her way now and he really fears for the children as they only ever talk about the 'naughty' things there mummy did 🙁 breaks my heart! xx

Hi,

Thank-you for getting back to me also, as you can see from my other reply i have gone into alot more detail, and your reply is also very useful we did not know about CCLC i am going to look into this now Thank-you soooo much.

No we have not been in touch with social services as they closed the case in 2011 so didnt think they would help us, do you think we should get in touch with them now?.

Thank-you again this is really appreciated.

xxx

Chin up Kelly 🙂

With your fiances past experiences at court and all the paperwork and evidence from the school about her contact, and Social Services reports that you have to back you up, I dont think shes got a cat in hells chance of custody....she hasnt even got her own accomodation.

I do think you should contact the Social Services and if possible, the Social worker involved in the case previously, as it will still be on file.

Solicitors try and bully LIPs so dont be intimidated by them! A LIP stands for Litigant in Person, which is legal speak for someone that self represents.

I wouldn't worry about what the Mediation service says about it going against you...as I said, this case is far too complex to be sorted through Mediation and you have already offered her all that you are prepared to give, which is supervised contact at a contact centre.

Thank-you again 🙂

Going to get onto social services this afternoon and i have also just been on CCLC a great help indeed thank-you.

So are we able to not agree to mediation? do you know how we can obtain a C100 without going? Mediation told my partner that going to mediation is the only way he can get one of these! I do know she dont have a chance of getting them and i have told him that but i guess there is always that dont when it comes to your children hey?! and of course he loves them sooooo much and just worries for them! Bless him.

Thank - you again xx

Yes you can decide not to go to Mediation, I would recommend that you write to them stating that you have already offered supervised contact at a contact centre which has been refused, and you feel that anything further at this point would put the children at risk. Also state that as Mediation is informal it wouldnt be able to address the complexities in this case, or take the appropriate action. Always keep a copy of all correspondence.

The form that the Mediation Service issue is called an FM1, this is a form that tells the court that Mediation failed and gives the reason for it. The C100 form you can download from the justice.gov website but you can also access it from here. If you go to the sticky about the C100 Guide and scroll down to the paragraph titled ...The Contact Application C100 , just underneath you will see C100 Form written in blue, click on this and it will bring up a downloadable copy of the C100 form. Alternatively you can get them from the court office or if your fiance has been to see a solicitor you could ask them if they can give you one.

Thank - you once again :)...

He contacted mediation telling them that he didnt feel it would work as he has offered her supervised contact center already and that he is sticking with that, he also explained about the abuse she gave him, so they told him that he does not have to have it with her and will have a meeting along as she already has one booked, so therefore she will get a FM1 form, and told him that he should come anyway to get that form and that she HAS legal Aid and although it is ending 1st April, she will continue to get it as she has put in for it before this date. Does my partner need the FM1 form? they have told him he does.

Thank - you i have found the C100 form 🙂 xx

I dont think your fiance has to have an FM1 for it to get to court. Theres a section on the C100 form, section 8 I think, you can explain about the reasons why you didnt go to Mediation there. You could also mention that the cost of attending plus the cost of the FM1 form put it out of reach for you.

Its true that both parties can be in seperate rooms at the mediation appointment. Its also true that as she applied for Legal Aid before the April 1st deadline she will be covered.

You could contact CCLC and ask them if you must have the form, in my opinion you dont,but maybe you should get clarification. My son was in Court last week, his ex had refused Mediation and he had the FM1 but she didnt have one....the case was still heard and the fact that she hadn't attended mediation wasn't even mentioned. 🙂