Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: We are not open to new posts at this time
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi guys
ive just recently broke up with my girlfriend of 2 years, we have a 4mnth old son, she is doing everything possible to make things awkward to be civil as i had expected she would, but she has recently refused to let me see my son on 2 occasions due to her own anger, she told me she would never use our son as a weapon but obviously her stance has changed, and she can pull this gimmick anytime shes angry or upset. My question is, is there any way that i can get me n her to a solicitor and have us both sign an agreement to allow me to see him for a set amount of days/time a week and would it stand up in court if she reverted to these tactics again that she using which in the long run is only hurting my son??
id be so greatful if anyone can help
thankyou
What you are talking about is really is mediation - this is the first step down the road, and if you are going to go to court eventually, you would generally have to show that you have at least tried mediation, unless there is a good reason not to. At this stage, as far as I know, any agreement reached is not legally binding (but I'm not too sure, as it's the one thing I haven't been through), but if an agreement is reached, and then your ex breaches this without good cause, then it would not look well for her later on.
If no agreement can be reached, then the next stage is to go for a contact order. The first stage is usually a concilation hearing in court. At this stage, the court cannot create a court order, unless it is by agreement of both parties, but they can certainly encourage and steer both parties towards an agreement - for instance, by asking an awkward party exactly what their objection is to something in particular - unless there is a genuine reason to object, it's difficult to say to a judge 'because I don't want to'. If an agreement is reached, then an order is made, and this is legally binding, and penalties can be imposed if it is not adhered to.
If no agreement is reached, then it goes to further court hearings (how many depends on how complex the situation is, and whether hearings need to be adjourned for further evidence), but at some point, the court will make an order which they feel best suits the interests of the child (not the parent).
One final point - your post asks if legal agreements work - they cannot force a person to comply with the order, any more than a 30mph sign forces someone to do 30mph, but if the order is not complied with, then penalties can be imposed, so whether it works depends on how much your ex is prepared to buck the system, but having a court order is definitely much better than not having one. You should also be aware that either party has the absolute right at any time to go back to court to try to have the order varied.
karltay, i am in a very similar position to yourself, and you sound like your in the same position i was a few months ago. I have a a 4month old girl and my ex has stopped contact and made it very hard for me to see my daughter. Even though had a 'legal' agreement, she actually made the agreement in writing to my solicitor it stood for absolutely nothing and she broke it as and when she wanted. In the end i had enough and applied to the courts. My first hearing was last week and they didnt acknowledge the 'legal' agreement we had made and the fact she broke it.
My advice to you would be, go to mediation. You can refer yourself and ex, she is going to most likely decline the first invitation. Do not give up there, i would suggest you make at least three referrals before you apply to the courts, which should be the last resort. The first thing i was asked in court was had we been to mediation? Which we had only once, two days before the hearing, even though i made five referrals the first of which was in March but i ex declined all.
Even when you get to court, the first hearing, and you dont come to an agreement they will not my an order against mother wishes. But do not make the same mistake as me, i ended up agreeing to a ridiculous arrangement and because i 'agreed' CAFCASS recommended the judge made no order even though she was ready to do so.
Anyway you do not have to worry about this now, go to mediation and try and agree on something, stay firm though do not be bullied into anything you do not agree with but at the same time try and be reasonable and look at it from you sons best interests. He is still very young and because of this it will be you and not the mother who has to do a lot bending over backwards.
If you need any more advice and want to go into more details PM me and i try and help best i can.
K
Thanks guys, much appreciated, i just hope things will calm down as soon as possible i really dnt understand what women get out of doing this surely they can see the damage they r doing to their child?
what women get out of doing this surely they can see the damage they r doing to their child?
You'd think so, but it's not always the case - and it's not just women who do this either.
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
