[Solved] domestic abuse

Hi and sounds sh*te mate but thats the nature of the ex's nowadays from what i read...........see posts in the welcome section only a couple of days ago "Confused" http://www.dad.info/dad-talk-forum/welcome-to-the-forum/24620-confused#24753

its a sad and sorry thing to say it but this seems to be the first way for the ex to get you to start doing what she wants....control you again!

I would also advise to watch what you say to her/how you contact her etc as you could be playing into her hands and before you know it's a non-molestation order against you which she can use agaisnt you in child hearings.

Do not contact your ex in person or via phone…….i would not contact her unless you have to and then do it only by text message, email or letters. Keep copies of all of them because they can be used as evidence should you need to defend yourself…this is quite likely if your ex has already started this way of going about things.

Do not argue with her via messages….be the bigger person no matter what mud she may try to throw at you…….she is looking for a reaction from you to back her allegations up and attempt to prove you’re what she’s claiming you are!

You first need to contact her and suggest trying mediation to get things sorted out for the sake of the kids….the kids need you in their lives! Texts, letter or email…not in person…if she refuses then reply saying that she leaves you no option but to take legal action and apply to court for a contact order (look in to residence orders too) then get your C100 filled in and applied for.

If she tries the “Non-molestation order” route then make sure you do not admit to anything or accept to take an “undertaking to courts” if you can prove you’ve not done anything to be as she is claiming….if you do then it can be a struggle for you later.

Remind her that the kids are part of both of you not just hers! Use the words “our” or “ours” when talking about the kids…..my ex always says “my” child never “ours”!! and I like to remind her he is a part of both of us not just her!
Lastly read up what she could potentially throw at you next to prepare yourself mentally for a bitter fight……way too many fathers here been or going through the same…….

its so disgusting to me that these mothers cry “DV” as soon as you stop doing things their way and start thinking for yourself!

hi thanks for reply have not contacted her in any way she changed her number so cant text she turned up with a police escort to coll some of her and the kids stuff but wot makes me laugh is she as already been to the house twice to do this on her own just cant believe y she being like this i have loads of old text saying how much she loved me and loved me spending time with her and kids and we only just came bk off a 2 week holiday to tenrife in oct so some1 who was domestic abused was ok coming 3000 miles away with just me and kids lol

hi again forgot to put she turned down mediation so if i send letter can she still say im harrassing her and get an injunction on me advise pls

If you keep the letter short and polite then I cant see why you cant send it dont discuss anything else and keep a copy for yourself also send it recorded delivery so you know she's got it. Unless you've already got a copy of the letter from her saying she wont attend in which case get a C100 form filled in and pay £200 to the courts you should then have a hearing within 6-8 weeks. See the stickies about filling in the form and self repping.

Instead of sending her a letter asking her to agree to mediation, you could just start the ball rolling by making an appointment at your local mediation centre. Go and discuss your concerns with the mediator, they will then write to your ex and invite her to attend for a chat, once the mediator has talked to you both, then you would both attend and talk things through and hopefully come to some agreement. If she refuses to attend, the mediator will supply you with a form FM1, which tells the court that you attempted to set up mediation but she refused.

she has refused by letter so were do i get that form

...If you have her refusal by letter then you can present that at court, the judge can still order you both to attend mediation, to see if agreement can be reached though. Heres a link to the mediation service ~ www.nfm.org.uk

i'll be honest here....doesn't look like you have any option other than legal action.

check out the "representing yourself" sticky and the "C100" at the top of the legal section........all the info you need is there and there are plenty of us here who can offer our experienced based advise.

see my solicter today was really good said i got a gd case and going for emergency contact order