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Hi,
I lost contact with my son 3 years ago when my ex moved him 100 miles away without informing me or telling me where they were moving. She changed all numbers etc. It took from April 2009 until March 2011 to track her down and find out where my now 5 year old son is living. As soon as I knew where he was living i contacted a solicitor and for 9 months letters went back and forth between our solicitors and didnt get anywhere as my ex refused anyform of contact (even letters and phone calls to start with)
In Jan this year I lost legal aid and have now decided to represent myself. I filed at the court on the 18th and have a court date for 3 weeks. I contacted my ex's solicitor to serve the papers however they refused them saying they were not representing her, i then attempted to post them to my ex to find out she had moved AGAIN.
Last year I contacted the local council for where my son was living and proved my PR, they put me in contact with his school and i have built up a good relationship with them.
The only place I knew my ex would be 100% is the school so I drove 100 miles to serve her the court papers. I tried to catch her on the way to the school so my son did not have to witness anything however I did not see her so I served her as she left the school. She refused to take the papers so I followed her down the road (about 10 feet behind her) and again asked her to take the papers. She did not, she then turned around and walked towards me and screamed at me to get out of her way which after asking her to take the papers again I did. It was clear she was not going to take the papers so at that point I got back in my car and went to leave. By now she is standing in front if my car on the phone to the police giving them my number plate. I drove away from her and parked up the road. 5 mins later the police arrived and asked me what had happend. I explained the situation and they asked me to wait whilst they spoke to her, 10 mins later they returned and asked me to follow them to the police station which I did. It was here that they informed me that my ex had said I had "grabbed her by the arm" and violently shook her. I was cautioned and informally interviewed in which I denied this. My partner was with me at the time and due to threats she recorded the entire meeting with my ex on her phone. It is not the clearest video and at some times is filming the floor lol but communication between me and my ex is heard at all times. At not point does my ex turn round and say anything to indicate that i had grabbed her or was hurting her. Bearing in mind she was holding her 1 year old daughter in her arms you would have at least thought she would say "get off me" but she doesn't. The police have seen this video and let me go however they have not told me if I will be charged yet.
My ex is still claiming i assulted her and the police have not told her the altercation was recorded. They have told her they will take DNA swabs from her coat to see if i touched her!
In the meantime I am still waiting to hear from the police and we are suppose to be going to court for a directions hearing on the 17th May!
In the past my ex told me that if i ever tried to get contact she would accuse me of DV (i reported this threat to the police!) She also phoned me out of the blue last year and her and her partner made threats to kill me, my partner and our daughter! again this was reported to the police!
I am now terrified of what to expect in court and how am I suppose to deal with the false allegations and lies I know my ex is going to continue to throw at me!
Any help will be amazing!
Thank you!
Hi and welcome to the forum.
I've heard of women making allegations before, but I think this is one of the worst cases I've come across. I think the best thing I can do at the moment is to ask the CLC to pop on and give advice, I don't think they have expertise in the criminal aspect (ie the police involvement) but hopefully they can give advice on how best to put your side to the court. It will probably be Monday before they pick up their emails, so keep checking back here.
She is crazy! She has accused her step dad of sexual abuse (he was arrested and charged) it later came out that she lied. She accused him after we split up however I was the person she phoned to support her and go to the police with her to report this (at the time I had no reason to doubt her). I had my son for Christmas 2008 and received a call from her on christmas day saying it was lucky my son was with me as her current partner who now lives with her still and my son apparently strangled her and threw her across a room, again the police were called and she gave me the crime ref number. My inital reaction to this was not to return my son to her whilst her partner was living there however she told and promised me that he had moved (all lies) and it was shortly after this that she moved with this man and did not disclose her address etc.
Over the past 3 years my partner and I have had to report her to the police 5 times due to violent threats (all over the phone) and the fact the she told me that if i ever tried to get contact she would accuse me of dv........ this was reported to the police immediatly as even though they could not act on it I wanted it recorded that she had made this threat.
She is a really nasty piece of work and I know I have alot worse to face when we are in court as she is determined i dont see my son.
I understand I have not seen him for 3 years (through no fault of my own) and I have written a statement which i have given a copy 2 the ex and a copy to the court of the contact I want to achieve including a really gentle approach to restart contact with my son that will cause as little disruption to him as possible. :dry:
Hi Rich,
Just had a read of a familiar story. This sort of thing is quite common and is what i call an "ambush".
Don't worry about Court. You've got a little time yet before you need to start to worry. Have CAFCASS contacted you?
What sort of Contact are you asking for?
As with regards to the "Assault" have the Police taken it any further? Even if this were just a caution, i would Contact your local station to see what you can do to have this removed. If you are saying you have evidence that "cannot lie" then they cannot issue you with a caution. They have no basis of a truth, and therefore no basis of a case. The one element is that because the floor is sometimes being filmed, she could potentially argue this was when you "assaulted her". Either way, your partner witnessed this.
Hi and thank you for your reply.
The contact I have asked for is as follow:
1) Alternate weekend from friday after school until Sunday afternoon.
2) Alternate Xmas, Easter and birthday (his birthday falls during the school summer holidays)
3) 4 days/ 4 nights during all half term breaks
4) 3 weeks during the school summer holidays (I have asked for 3 weeks as I believe my ex wont agree to this as I hope we can meet in the middle)
I have also asked for permission to take my son abroad for a max of 7 days during my contact time that will not affect his school etc. I have included on my statement that my ex will be given contact details/ address etc of where we are staying etc.
I understand my son is going to take time to rebuild his relationship with me and I have suggested for the initial visits we meet in a play centre for a few hours at a time where he can slowly get to know me again.
I live 100 miles away from my ex and am happy to cover all travel and travel costs to support this contact and am able to provide a statement from my employer confirming they are happy to allow me time off to support this contact.
I have also said I do not expect staying contact to start straight away as this is not fair on my son as he will take time to get use to me being in his life again.
I work with vulnerable children in care and witness on a daily basis the emotional distress family seperation and parental alienation can cause and this situation has been heart breaking for the last 3 years.
I went to the police station voluntarily as i was not aware that my ex had accused me of this. The police officer said that he had to caution me on suspected assult and interview me (this was done very informally and my partner was allowed to remain in the room with me whilst this interview took place) The police allowed me to return home after they had seen the video however they had to take a statement from my ex. She does not know my partner recorded the altercation so the police officer said they would compare her statement to mine and the video to see if it all added up and would let me know shortly (this all happend on Wednesday) so I am going to contact them tomorrow.
I received a letter from CAFCASS yesterday informing me that they would phone both parties for a half hour phone interview prior to court. I phoned them myself yesterday to make them aware about what happend on Wednesday however they refused to take any information until someone contacted me.
Prior to my ex moving my son and I had a really healthy/ strong relationship. He stayed with me every other weekend fri- sun and every wednesday day/ night (he was not in school at this time).
Even though my partner witnessed the altercation the police have said she is a biased witness and they were not interested in what she had to say 🙁
My mum has also written a statement for me to use in court if required that details the abuse and verbal threats she received from my ex and her partner (she works for the police so I am hoping that will have some standing in court)
Again thank you for your advice. My partner has been amazing and has researched family law and now knows it like the back of her hand however we are both at a dead end regarding the assult claim. She is a very calm person and she is going to be my mckenzie friend in court. She has put me a folder together of all letters/ emails/ police ref's etc etc for when we go to court etc, It is nice to get some advice from other dads who have been through the court process.
What is really worrying me is the line of work I am in, I have a CRB check every year due 2 the kids I work with and I would not risk my job and the comfortable life me and my family have.
Its as if my ex craves attention from people in authority and I am hoping the police and courts see repetition in her behaviour and past false allegations.................. fingers crossed!
Hi Rich,
Your proposals seem fair 🙂
I have to say, that imo, CAFCASS by refusing to take the statement on the Wednesday issue, has not been dealt with properly. I don't know if your partner has explained or researched, but when your C100 was sent to the local Court, this goes to a centralised CAFCASS base/HQ. From this, an Adviser is assigned to the "case". Any information put forward should be recorded or taken on behalf of your CAFCASS officer.
I was shocked that CAFCASS refused to take any information from me, they said it was because an officer had not been assigned to the case however I had already received letters/ forms from them so I believe someone had been assigned to the case.
We have not been able to find alot of information on cafcass apart from reports stating how biased they are etc, their website is also very bland as to what happens now. I am going to phone them on Monday again and insist they take the notes about what happened the other day or at least arrange for someone to phone me back urgently.
I have tried to be a lenient as possible in my proposals and thought by including letter from employer, and willingness to cover travel and costs will encourage the ex to allow contact. I have also included pics of what will be my sons room if/ when he stays and have left it as a blank canves so that he can choose the decor etc to give him his own comfortable/ private space in the house 🙂 Hopefully these little things will look good.
I just want it sorted now, I have missed the last 3 years of his life (first nativity plays/ sports days etc) and i'm not prepared to miss anymore on the grounds my ex wants to forget her past. My son recognised me on Wednesday (again recorded on video) and reached his hand out to grab mine when I said hello to him only to have it snatched back and dragged down the street by his mother!!!!
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