[Solved] Ex has filed a non molestation order on me...

Morning Blaser24nig

You mention about an undertaking, in my case a few years ago my ex tried to have a non molestation order and a prohibitives steps order set against me.
When this went to court we told the judge that what the ex had aledged were fabricated events made to hinder contact the other side could offer no proof of what they were aledging and the judge saw straight through their lies and was not at all pleased with their tatics so the judge dismissed their application for both orders and just asked me to take an undertaking which I was happy to do.
This the judge explained is a promise to the court that you haven't done what you have been accused of and you have no intention of doing such a thing in the future either.
And to the other party the judge went on to say that an undertaking is not an admission of guilt and it is not something to be used as a beating stick to try to blacken the other side that is taking the undertaking.
So an undertaking is an oath to say you have and never would do what you have been accused of.
I hope this helps you in some way.

Morning Blaser24nig

You mention about an undertaking, in my case a few years ago my ex tried to have a non molestation order and a prohibitives steps order set against me.
When this went to court we told the judge that what the ex had aledged were fabricated events made to hinder contact the other side could offer no proof of what they were aledging and the judge saw straight through their lies and was not at all pleased with their tatics so the judge dismissed their application for both orders and just asked me to take an undertaking which I was happy to do.
This the judge explained is a promise to the court that you haven't done what you have been accused of and you have no intention of doing such a thing in the future either.
And to the other party the judge went on to say that an undertaking is not an admission of guilt and it is not something to be used as a beating stick to try to blacken the other side that is taking the undertaking.
So an undertaking is an oath to say you have and never would do what you have been accused of.
I hope this helps you in some way.

You stated "we" - did you get a solicitor or represented yourself?

Did you get this sorted on the first court date?

Hi at that time I had a solicitor but I did speak for myself too.
That's not to say you couldn't represent yourself. The help,advise and support you can get off the guys on this site go's along way in helping you.
And yes it was sorted on the day. I swore in the undertaking that brought the exs claims to an end.
I had contact resumed immediately that day it was written in to a temporary Contact order going forward to be extended once a final hearing and all relevant statements from all parties had been considered or an agreement could be reached between parties. And a date was set for the first directions hearing regarding contact.
So it was a good start.
But one thing, it didn't stop the ex from making up stories, but by Me remaining calm and not reacting to what they did and doing things the right way and being honest and dignified the ex always fell flat on her face.
So keep diaries of events txt letters emails etc as evidence.

Hi at that time I had a solicitor but I did speak for myself too.
That's not to say you couldn't represent yourself. The help,advise and support you can get off the guys on this site go's along way in helping you.
And yes it was sorted on the day. I swore in the undertaking that brought the exs claims to an end.
I had contact resumed immediately that day it was written in to a temporary Contact order going forward to be extended once a final hearing and all relevant statements from all parties had been considered or an agreement could be reached between parties. And a date was set for the first directions hearing regarding contact.
So it was a good start.
But one thing, it didn't stop the ex from making up stories, but by Me remaining calm and not reacting to what they did and doing things the right way and being honest and dignified the ex always fell flat on her face.
So keep diaries of events txt letters emails etc as evidence.

Thank you so much. The only mistake I made was stopping when I saw my son with her. She was with her BF and they both lied against me (I was alone). So that is the basis of the non molestation order and also the other lies about me kidnapping my son and being always violent towards her. I have not been charged or anything (also wasn't arrested) but I would have thought with her track record, she doesn't have a chance?

You are welcome,

I was also accused of attempted abduction of my daughter from school in the same application and relevant papers that were served. And even tho no evidence was offered of the aledged abduction, I still produced a letter to the court from our daughters headmaster stating no such event had ever taken place and that the only time I had attended school was for parents evening.

In my experiences and in talking to other dads (and even some mums who have separated) that the mothers are sometimes encouraged or suggested to by their legal advisors in some instances to claim they are being bullied/harassed etc to get results. Unethical i know but that's how some operate.
And you arnt doing anything wrong in going over to see your son, but just be aware of how things can be twisted.

You are welcome,

I was also accused of attempted abduction of my daughter from school in the same application and relevant papers that were served. And even tho no evidence was offered of the aledged abduction, I still produced a letter to the court from our daughters headmaster stating no such event had ever taken place and that the only time I had attended school was for parents evening.

In my experiences and in talking to other dads (and even some mums who have separated) that the mothers are sometimes encouraged or suggested to by their legal advisors in some instances to claim they are being bullied/harassed etc to get results. Unethical i know but that's how some operate.
And you arnt doing anything wrong in going over to see your son, but just be aware of how things can be twisted.

Thank you so much, I never thought I would be in this situation and always wondered why/how people get in this situation, now I know and you have been of great help, thank you very much. The hearing is 6 weeks away.

Questions:

Can I bring witnesses to court?

Can I obtain written statements from witnesses to bring to court?

One last thing, when you went to court, where you offered the undertaking or they wanted you to accept the accusations? Reason I ask is that from reading several articles and gathering information, you always almost get offered the undertaking, is this the case?

I was the same it was a nightmare I couldn't believe some one you thought you knew so well could blatentley lie.
I just got what ever evidence I needed and had that with me just in case and the statement from the school.
If you have police incident numbers have them to hand so you can quote them if need be. I found that most of the evidence that I have gathered for court isn't needed as usually the court hears this sort of accusations alot of the time and deals with it by dismissing it and focusing on the future, but that doesn't go to say you shouldn't keep documenting evidence through out, yes its tiring at times but you can never measure what you get accused of next.
As for the undertaking we offered It to the judge in first instance stating no such incidents had ever took place and wouldn't ,but to offer assurances to the other side we would take an undertaking to show our goodwill. And the judge said that is what they were about to suggest anyway so it was resolved immediately.
Keep asking on here for advice because there are lots of dads with different experiences and it may help.
You sound like you are doing really well so far.
And I'm glad if ive managed to put your mind to rest a bit I know how you feel.
Yoji, Darren n Actd are great to giving you pointers also.
I'm self representing at the moment re contact and find the advice here valuable even tho I have been through court over the past six years many times I still find it daunting.
Keep us posted on how you get on it could help us all in some way. 😉

I was the same it was a nightmare I couldn't believe some one you thought you knew so well could blatentley lie.
I just got what ever evidence I needed and had that with me just in case and the statement from the school.
If you have police incident numbers have them to hand so you can quote them if need be. I found that most of the evidence that I have gathered for court isn't needed as usually the court hears this sort of accusations alot of the time and deals with it by dismissing it and focusing on the future, but that doesn't go to say you shouldn't keep documenting evidence through out, yes its tiring at times but you can never measure what you get accused of next.
As for the undertaking we offered It to the judge in first instance stating no such incidents had ever took place and wouldn't ,but to offer assurances to the other side we would take an undertaking to show our goodwill. And the judge said that is what they were about to suggest anyway so it was resolved immediately.
Keep asking on here for advice because there are lots of dads with different experiences and it may help.
You sound like you are doing really well so far.
And I'm glad if ive managed to put your mind to rest a bit I know how you feel.
Yoji, Darren n Actd are great to giving you pointers also.
I'm self representing at the moment re contact and find the advice here valuable even tho I have been through court over the past six years many times I still find it daunting.
Keep us posted on how you get on it could help us all in some way. 😉

Thank you so much for your help, I have written my evidence, now collecting statements from people. I would definitely keep everyone updated...

Hi

I have very little knowledge in this area, but I'll add a couple of thoughts.

Firstly, while an undertaking to the court is a promise, breaking that promise is then contempt of court for which there can be severe penalties, so the courts take the giving of an undertaking quite seriously - offering to give one can only show you have good intentions, and I'd offer before it's suggested by the court, if possible.

I would contest it on the basis that it's unfounded, is probably a means by your ex to restrict/stop contact and that the order might make contact difficult or impossible, but as others have said, the undertaking is probably a good way to go.

Hi

I have very little knowledge in this area, but I'll add a couple of thoughts.

Firstly, while an undertaking to the court is a promise, breaking that promise is then contempt of court for which there can be severe penalties, so the courts take the giving of an undertaking quite seriously - offering to give one can only show you have good intentions, and I'd offer before it's suggested by the court, if possible.

I would contest it on the basis that it's unfounded, is probably a means by your ex to restrict/stop contact and that the order might make contact difficult or impossible, but as others have said, the undertaking is probably a good way to go.

Thanks for your input. The reason why I am leaning towards the undertaking is because my ex has legal aid and I don't and can't afford a solicitor (got quoted 4k). So I would be representing myself and this is a completely new territory for me...

Word of warning, my ex tried the same to me,
I accepted to take an undertaking to the court as I hadn’t done anything that she had alleged….this was a big mistake as my ex tried several times prior to this to get me an harassment warning by the police…..i had proved to the police at every time that I had not harassed her (Kept every message, phone call records etc…) and proved that it was actually my ex using the police to get me a warning...the police actually tried to give her a warning which then resulted in her trying this!
however once I had taken the undertaking to court she tried several more times and the police told me that as I had an undertaking to court then I was obviously a problem and harassing my ex! I wasn’t, legal advice was then that the police were wrong in their assumption but I still got issued a verbal warning that is still on record against me!
So think very seriously about taking legal advice rather than just accepting the undertaking!

Word of warning, my ex tried the same to me,
I accepted to take an undertaking to the court as I hadn’t done anything that she had alleged….this was a big mistake as my ex tried several times prior to this to get me an harassment warning by the police…..i had proved to the police at every time that I had not harassed her (Kept every message, phone call records etc…) and proved that it was actually my ex using the police to get me a warning...the police actually tried to give her a warning which then resulted in her trying this!
however once I had taken the undertaking to court she tried several more times and the police told me that as I had an undertaking to court then I was obviously a problem and harassing my ex! I wasn’t, legal advice was then that the police were wrong in their assumption but I still got issued a verbal warning that is still on record against me!
So think very seriously about taking legal advice rather than just accepting the undertaking!

I don't contact her in any way, I don't even have her number, don't go near her aswell, thats why I thought it would be a good idea besides the solicitors want to charge me around 4k to represent me and more if the case goes on and on. I really can't afford it and an undertaking is the only way for me right now.7

Question: How long does an undertaking last for?

Don't think there's a time limit. If you haven't already done so, read yoji's "guide to representing yourself" - a good start. Since you don't have a solictor, we can call on the services and advice of our legal experts at the CCLC (childrens legal centre) which won't cost you anything, or there's no reason why you can't find a solicitor you trust and just use them to assist in preparation and advice, while you do most of the work, which will cut your costs considerably. And of course, we're here to help.

Don't think there's a time limit. If you haven't already done so, read yoji's "guide to representing yourself" - a good start. Since you don't have a solictor, we can call on the services and advice of our legal experts at the CCLC (childrens legal centre) which won't cost you anything, or there's no reason why you can't find a solicitor you trust and just use them to assist in preparation and advice, while you do most of the work, which will cut your costs considerably. And of course, we're here to help.

Thank you, I have read it and was very informative. The solicitor's I am finding are asking for ridiculous amount which I can't afford at the moment. I have gathered from this forum and from solicitor's website that 95% of this type of case is usually dealt with by an undertaking and also if challenged, the costs of my ex could be awarded to me as well so I can't afford to do that.

sounds all very familiar, my ex took out an emergency non mol order application on the basis of me contacting her 6 times in the weeks following our split. The application was full of exaggeration and nonsense and its a traversty that these emergency applications are accepted but i digress. in response to this thread. the undertaking has to be accepted by the applicant, the undertaking will specify a duration and details of what you are prepared to promise not to do. i contested and went to court and despite offering an undertaking on 3 prior occasions they saw my evidence, credible witness and that i eventually got legal representation and offered me the undertaking in the waiting room just 5 minutes before the hearing, offering me slightly more contact as a bargaining chip. For legal aid you need to have £733 or less disposable income, they take into account only tax,NI,maintenance,rent/mortgage so do your sums, try the legal aid online calculator (find it on google) and try get help if you can. Good luck!

sounds all very familiar, my ex took out an emergency non mol order application on the basis of me contacting her 6 times in the weeks following our split. The application was full of exaggeration and nonsense and its a traversty that these emergency applications are accepted but i digress. in response to this thread. the undertaking has to be accepted by the applicant, the undertaking will specify a duration and details of what you are prepared to promise not to do. i contested and went to court and despite offering an undertaking on 3 prior occasions they saw my evidence, credible witness and that i eventually got legal representation and offered me the undertaking in the waiting room just 5 minutes before the hearing, offering me slightly more contact as a bargaining chip. For legal aid you need to have £733 or less disposable income, they take into account only tax,NI,maintenance,rent/mortgage so do your sums, try the legal aid online calculator (find it on google) and try get help if you can. Good luck!

Thank you so much. In your case, did your ex refuse to accept the undertaking and wanted a full trial?

I don't qualify for legal aid and can not afford the astronomical legal fees and the threat of me being awarded her costs as well. I have read in several forums including this one that sometimes even with evidence, you can loose and have that order put on you, I really do hope that they offer/accept the undertaking even though I have witnesses to almost all the lies.

my ex refused an undertaking 3 times, once offered in front of the judge at the directions hearing (with no solicitor on my part) They said they wanted the power of arrest should i attempt to follow or harass her, her barrister saw her dubious case and the fact i had turned up with witnes's and this is when they accepted. I would have gone into court and contested it, as would my solicitor but in the long run I avoided a nasty legacy for my daughter by not having her extended family chucking mud at each other in the courtroom and that was the deciding factor for me. If you think you have a very good case and evidence and she refuses the undertaking, i say go for it, should she win and try claim costs she can only get what you can afford to pay

oh and dont forget if you win, you can claim costs from her !

oh and dont forget if you win, you can claim costs from her !

That would be a tall order, she has worked for probably 3 - 5 months all her life...

Hi everyone, first of all, thanks for your help in this matter.

Secondly, my case is coming up in 2 weeks and I am panicking and a bit scared and keep thinking about the worst case scenario. I really would want to be able to see my son say every weekend or alternate weekends but in my ex's non molestation order and the rest, she states she would only allow me supervised contact. Is this possible? Also I am willing to take an undertaking as the order was full of lies and I am not going to do any of those anyway. Some help would be nice guys...

Fearing for the worst isn't necessarily a bad thing as it means that you will be more prepared to counter what she throws at you - much better than being unprepared thinking it's all going to go well.

Supervised contact is a possible option - again, be prepared for this and if you think it's looking like it going that way, then have a schedule ready for supervised contact initially, but moving over a period to unsupervised contact etc - try to get this written into the contact order so you don't keep needing to go back for a variation of the order.

I am going through the same process at present. My thread is a few lines down from this thread. I do have a barrister acting for me and she advised at my hearing last Friday not to accept the undertaking and to fight the case as if you do accept the undertaking it can affect my upcoming contact order case.
I know how you are feeling with the case getting nearer, just tell yourself that she has done far worse than anything you are alleged to have done, tell the truth and judges see this all the time and can smell BS from 100 miles.

I am going through the same process at present. My thread is a few lines down from this thread. I do have a barrister acting for me and she advised at my hearing last Friday not to accept the undertaking and to fight the case as if you do accept the undertaking it can affect my upcoming contact order case.
I know how you are feeling with the case getting nearer, just tell yourself that she has done far worse than anything you are alleged to have done, tell the truth and judges see this all the time and can smell BS from 100 miles.

I have read a few stories about fighting the order and loosing despite the women having no evidence and ultimately greatly affecting the contact with the children even worse. As per my earlier post, I don't contact her in anyway so the undertaking would be ok. The contact order I filed would be heard on the same day as the non molestation day. I think the court just wants to deal with everything in one day.

Also I simply cannot afford the astronomical cost of lawyer/solicitor/barrister...

Hello everyone, just an update...

Had my first hearing today and I got everything I asked for. I took an undertaking, the non-molestation order was dismissed. Now I can see my son every Saturday for 4hrs as I haven't seen my son for over 5months for 3 weeks, then for 8hrs for 3months, then a review to agree overnight contact which is very very ok for me.

Just a big big thank you to everyone on this forum, You all helped me and thank you so much, I really appreciate it.

Excellent result!

Keep us updated with how things progress and have a lovely time with your son 🙂

FM '70

Congratulations, this may have been some time ago but no doubt it is still a very warming outcome for you.

Cutting a long story short, I am acting as a Mackenzie friend for a gentleman in pretty much identical circumstances as yourself. He is not very good at putting his case across so I have suggested he put forward a position statement, I would like to hear your thoughts on this. Do you feel a position statement ( written correctly ) would support him ?

Come on mate you can't come here and start touting for business! Using your website as a username is a dead give away!

You won't get anywhere here, we already have adequate assistance for our members and its free...we don't even ask for donations!

... not to mention posting on a thread that's 2 years since the last post.