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Hello all,
In something of a situation. My ex has custody of my daughter. I spend as much time with my daughter as holiday entitlement from work allows. Between myself and my ex we do not have enough holidays to cover my daughter's holidays from school. Childcare outside of this is done by my ex's mother. She has told me that she wants to be paid for the time she looks after her in excess of my holiday entitlement.
While I obviously care a great deal that my daughter is well looked after and appreciate all the that is done to serve this end, my feeling is that since I do not have custody then the responsibility for arranging childcare is my ex wifes and the mother in laws requests are unreasonable. We have an agreement that holidays would be shared (I take that to mean as holiday entitlements allows) but this is presently informal from the divorce agreement. I'm soon to have a hearing re a contact order and believe she is being difficult in light of this. Obviously a difficult time for me as this women is also passing on negative remarks about me to my daughter and ex has seen fit to be as difficult as possible re access.
Any chance of taking time off work and looking after her - may work in your favour when it comes to court that you are prepared to care for you daughter where as the monster in laws are doing this for cash incentives.
Thanks boycieuk, Yep I am having to take time off next week but I have a feeling that employers patience will only stretch so far. The thing is I took a weeks holiday just recently and I was only "allowed" to have my daughter for half of it as the ex's mother in law wanted her. I realise that they are being awkward (could obviously sy something stronger at this point)
I don't begrudge supporting my daughter's care in any way but my feeling is that I don't have custody and any time outside the agreement is care on my ex wives behalf?
Yes that is the point........Outside of arrangements is for your ex to manage. If she is struggling to manage this must be brought before the courts as there could be safeguarding issues/potential negelect which means a formal structure should be in place in the best interest of the child. Given no formal agreement has been reached you can make the point you have made every reasonable attempt to maximise contact but now they are trying to be financially abusive and controlling. Good luck
As you are going to court shortly for a contact order you should be able to sort this out. As you point out, her difficult behaviour is down to the impending court case and this is common....it causes friction. But hopefully once you both have some definition as far as contact is concerned things should settle down.
Many parents work full time and this creates childcare issues during school holidays. It's the first time I've heard of a grandparent charging for looking after their grandchild though! If you pay child maintenance then this covers all costs with regards to your child. As you took a week off work and were denied contact because granny wanted her, did your ex pay her then...I don't think so!
Perhaps you can suggest to your ex that if she is prepared to agree to a shared Residence Order and share the child benefits, then you might be prepared to share the child care costs!
I am assuming that you pay maintenance too? That should cover childcare.
if you did not have your daughter as much as you do, your inlaws would still be childcare, but for nothing? Sounds like someone is trying o get more money from you.
NJs suggestion is a good one.
A quick addition - once the contact order etc is sorted out, the order gives a minimum amount of contact that you are allowed, it does not force you to actually have that amount of contact, so if the contact order says you can have your daughter every holiday for the whole holiday, you don't actually have to take time off to make sure you have that contact. What you ex could be handing you here (without her realising it) is the opportunity to have a lot of contact written into the contact order and afterwards, you can tell your wife that you will have her whenever you can, but not for the whole time she wants.
Just another thought , if payment is exchanged then she would have to be a qualified child minder and have insurances and Ofsted reports !
Just another thought , if payment is exchanged then she would have to be a qualified child minder and have insurances and Ofsted reports !
good point 🙂
I did think that she may have to be qualified, but wasn't sure if it included family members...been a long time since I needed a childminder! 😆 So that is a very good point!
wasn't there a case a while back where two part time police women came to an arrangement so that when one was working, the other looked after her child, and vise versa. I'm sure the Inland Revenue at least were involved, but I'm sure there were other issues.
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