[Solved] Ex Stopped contact after argument

Hello Joe C

Very sorry to see the position your left with

Ok first things first! it seems the only alternatives your left with is offer her mediation. if refused then the legal route, and the cheapest approach is £200 C100 form with you self representing.. I know that is daunting if you've never been through the system before. but in my view much better then a solicitor they will only drag it out and bleed your money dry. you can always look around for a decent mckenzie friend with a little extra cost to advise you through the process. and i am here if you need support with i'd like to think other members of dadtalk.

Good Luck.

Hi Joe c , when you say you have no money are you unwaged as the court fee of £200 will be reduced and you can still gey legal aid for mediation

HI There,

The above is right, i would start by writing to your ex first asking formally for contact to be re started asap, explain you don't want to go the legal route but if that is your only option then it is what you will do, as said offer mediation first as this will be looked at by the courts to resolve the conflict before they will order any final order.

If you have to go to court the judge is likely to place an interim order to startt with, this may be at a contact centre if your ex manages to paint you in a light that it would be needed.

Has your ex given any reason for wanting to use a contact centre?
Make sure you keep every message you receive or send between the 2 of you as it may be needed later on.

GTTS

Unfortunately this sounds very much like yet another Ex trying to keep you under her control!!!
Do as she says or don’t see your daughter!
These “so called mothers” absolutely disgust me……we fathers do everything we can to see our kids….jump over every hurdle and through every hoop for any amount of time with our children and these ex’s do what they are just to punish us for not agreeing with them……

Why does she want it in a contact centre? What right has she to demand you see your child in one of those places if you’re of no danger to your child!!!!
I fought my ex on that one after doing a 6 sessions at one of those centres based on the CAFCASS reports and Centre reports….the judge agreed and awarded me un-supervised contact as her evidence and demands were un-reliable and un-reasonable.
I jumped through every hoop to see my child and she knows I still will….but now the courts have seen her for her true selfish person that she is and I don’t take it laying down any more.

Rant over! 😡

Did your ex put this in writing (text / email) to you? ……..if so keep it and file it somewhere safe for if you need to go down the legal route. This will help you in your fight should you need it.

Anything she says verbally to you make a note of…..keep a diary of events/altercations/incidents….times, places, what YOU BOTH SAID…not just one sided…..all these will help paint a picture that your ex is using the kids as a weapon against you.

There are a lot of fathers on here who have had this done to them…..the courts do see it day in day out so are aware it happens….but unfortunately its up to you to prove it!

So keep a record of everything from now on….if you have past texts/emails and notes of events then keep them all.

If the ex starts getting worse its just her trying to keep you doing what she wants….control!!!

I see a little more information about the situation is needed to get some fair and honest advice.

Basically after a very traumatic birth where i nearly lost both my daughter and my partner I was diagnosed with PND, I couldn't bond with my daughter and was just holding her was a struggle, this made me very angry and frustrated and sometimes I lashed out. This obviously made my ex scared, and she didn't trust me to be on my own with my daughter (I didn't trust myself either.) I felt so dissapointed that I couldnt be the dad I wanted/thought I was going to be. I got help though, had counseling/anger management and things go much better but there has always been a lack of trust from my ex with my daughter and I don't blame her for that as I'd feel the same in her position.

I agreed that supervised visits would be needed until myself and my daughter were comfortable together and to help my ex feel comfortable with everything too.

but since the argument she's refusing to let me see chloe unless I go through a contact centre, and I know If I file that form c100 (I believe thats a contact order form?) she will use my past problems against me and then the court wont grant me contact?

If she’s insisting on reported contact sessions then I think they’ll be you, your daughter and a contact centre staff in a room making notes.

I appreciate your honesty that in itself says a lot about you, some are not so honest about themselves……..the courts appreciate honesty despite what you may have done in the past.

I’ll be honest with you I can see why your ex would request this now but if you were having supervised contact before she’s going to have to prove you’re a threat to her/your daughter for a court to change to what you already had.
Having said that in my own case my ex started lying to the courts when I took legal action for more contact and it reduced my time with my child until I had to do whatever it took to get to see my little one…..supervised contact!
CAFCASS observed a couple of contacts and were clear that there were no safeguarding issues in their report but my stubborn ex wouldn’t budge on her stance and the judge suggested that it had been 4mths since I’d seen my little one that a contact centre would be better for all as it would take the pressure away from handovers and reintroduction of contact for the little one.
I wasn’t happy but did it for 6 sessions to get any time with my little one…….its worked out in my favour being flexible and doing all it takes….my ex hasn’t been and has finally p*ssed off the courts enough for them to grant me the enforcement order with penalties of possible imprisonment if she breaks contact order again by being in contempt of court!

So…..if you end up at court you may be asked to look at doing an Anger management class, I was advised back then if I had anger issues to admit them and then seek help off my own back…that would show you’re serious about wanting to be in your child's life. My ex tried that one on me too….but I was able to prove I’ve never been a threat to her or my little one.

I agree and can understand why she is asking for supervised contact.

Your honesty is as said good, as we can give better advice.

Your issues are in the past but will be looked at either by the court or cafcass, if they get involved, but they will look at them as being in the past unless they see a current threat. They may ask for supervised contact to take place to start with so they can assess how things are but as soon as you show you aren't a threat they should remove the contact centre and allow contact.

If you go to court the jude will look to the future and what is best for your daughter and not the past, as said they will listen to whats happened but your honesty will help this as it shows you acknowledge your problem and faced it.

I would still ask her to attend mediation as the first step and see where it takes you.

GTTS

Sounds like you've had a tough time. I think you should be really proud of yourself for getting help and being able to admit your problems. It makes me quite angry that women don't give enough credit when it is due in these situations. most of the stories on this website make me ashamed to be female. I hope to god I never feel the need to behave even close to the situations described.

Have you tried suggesting that you have time with your daughter with perhaps her grandmother present or a teacher from school. A third party who is familiar to your daughter. This could be a stepped process to getting things back on track. Put the argument behind you and offer to take them both out to a movie and burger...

Keep calm, keep positive and keep trying to reach out. if all else fails and you end up in court I hope it goes smoothly.

Good luck!

. most of the stories on this website make me ashamed to be female.

I've said this before to someone else - no need to be ashamed, there are bad mothers just as much as there are bad fathers. Fortunately, that vast majority of both are generally very good - you're obviously in that category 🙂

The problem I have is that I cannot afford to go to court without full legal aid? Even £200 for the c100 is money I don't have although its not impossible and a small price to pay to see my little girl.

Our previous contact arrangements were supervised by my daughter's god parent, but because my daughter wasn't seeing me enough she was much closer to the god parent and wouldn't interact with me in a positive way. Me and my ex agreed that contact would take my daughter out together as my daughter was far more relaxed when her mum was around.
After about a month of this contact my relationship with my daughter was so much better, she was quite happy for me to have her on my own and my ex was allowing me to have my daughter on my own for short periods of time.

The reason this has stopped is because of our argument, she was shouting at me and I shouted back, then I lost my temper and hit my fist into my other hand, obviously as soon as I did this I realized i had lost my temper and I apologized and left.
My ex is now saying I still have anger issues, and is "Scared" that things could go back to me throwing things around in pure rage, however. I feel that my anger was justified during the argument, my ex was being very inconsistent in regards to my contact arrangements (One day it would be fine to take my daughter out on my own, the next it wasn't) So obviously as a father who loves his daughter to bits this was making me angry but I felt I managed my anger in a positive way.

Would the above incident count as a present danger to my daughter in the courts eyes? I've always been honest with everyone about my problems, and I would NEVER put my daughter in any kind of danger so If I thought my temper was an issue then I would not put my daughter in a position where I could neglect her.

I'm not asking for much, I've just asked that a similar contact arrangement is put back in place, but because my ex doesn't want to see or talk to me and feels I'm a danger to my daughter she has said she wants me to go through a contact centre. She told me she wants notes to be taken and for them to let her know how shes getting on, I've explained that these types of contact centres are the court ordered ones and she knows I don't have the money to take her to court, but she still insists she wont come to another agreement.

I haven't seen my princess for 6 weeks, I never thought I could miss someone so much. but also I feel like a rubbish dad for not doing more to see her, Its horrible when friends ask how my daughter is and I have to lie to them and tell them shes doing great when in actual fact, I don't have a clue on how shes doing.

In fairness Joe, I don't think you have a choice. Its either court or nothing, so you have to find a way to sort the pennies.

I don't mean to sound unfair, but I think your ex is quite within her right to do as she is doing & being cautious. You clearly do have anger issues that need to be resolved....the first step is to admitting them, so *high 5* for doing that, but until you go to court & also get help, I don't see why the situation would change.

I had a friend who doubted her ex's father in law, so asked him not to allow visits when the child was with him. He did & twice the child came home with minor bruises. The second time my friend called the police & SS......they were brilliant to her, BUT she is now on an alert with SS, because they suggested her * decision making* & *who she trusted* was questionable. She is an amazing mother, but what she should have done was never allowed the child to go with its father if she thought there was any chance the father would take the child to visit with the FIL.
I'm not saying you would ever hurt your daughter....BUT if your ex has the slightest doubt, then she is doing exactly the right thing.
If someone else told you the story & you didn't know the people involved, you would probaby agree.
Chin up & try & think of making a plan to move positive steps forwards.

Thanks James, straight talking is probably needed right now.

I do realize its either court or nothing, but It will take me a very long time to save the money needed to see me daughter, (We're talking a good couple of years minimum.) I'm going to miss so many things, I've missed so many things not seeing her the last few weeks 🙁

I hope she is doing this for my daughter's sake and not a selfish reason, she is a great mum, but I can't help but think she's doing this because she doesn't want me in her life anymore not because she feels I'm a danger to my daughter.

...just thought I would mention that you may be exempt from paying all or part of the £200 fee for submitting the C100 form. The combined booklet and application form "EX160A Court Fees - do you have to pay them" gives more information.

You can get a copy from the court or download a copy from the website www.justice.gov.uk

How are contact centres as I’m just getting a contact centre set up to allow me to see my daughter who I haven’t seen since Father’s Day cause my ex broke up on me on my first Father’s Day

I’m still in a battle to get my name added to my daughter birth certificate as I always wanted to be on my daughter birth certificate and in my daughters life but my ex mum is invoking everything and saying I don’t want to be in my daughters life and now saying I mentally abused my ex

Hi and welcome

This thread hasn't been active for over 7 years, you are probably better starting a new topic of your own and asking any questions you wish.