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Hi all and thanks for taking time to read this. Sorry if this might seem like a minor issue from an outsiders point of view, but it is something that could very easily escalate and cause me concern and worry.
Situation basically. Daughter was born in October 2008. Split up with ex-girlfriend Feb 2011. My name is on birth certificate and I was present at the birth. Didnt realise when we split up that she had been seeing someone else behind my back for 3 - 4 months. As I didnt know this I gave her over £1,000 towards setting up new home to rent somewhere and have evidence on bank statement. Then found out she had set-up home with a new guy. Since then I have paid every month without fail a standing order for maintenance, this was arranged as an agreement through the CSA who checked my payslips etc, and I also save money into a seperate savings account. As far as I am led to believe, my ex and this guy are no longer together. Although what I have so far said isnt the issue I am going to move onto, I thought maybe you need to know this when hopefully giving me some advice.
Arrangements made between the two of us privately since we split up are that I have my daughter every other weekend from Friday night to Monday morning. So me or my parents pick her up on a friday afternoon from Nursery, then I drop her back off to Nursery on a monday morning.
Currently, because she moved to be with this other guy in a different area, they are living half an hour away from me at present, so on a friday and monday it is a one hour round trip each time. I really dont mind as I love my daughter to bits and it also gives my parents chance to see her if they pick her up for me, due to my working hours.
I am now in a position where last year I started seeing someone who I worked with ( after me and ex split up !) and I am moving in with her and her 6 year old son on 16th June 2012. The move will mean that I will then be an hour away from where my ex and daughter live. Now onto the issue that is unbelievably causing problems.
My daughter goes to a dance class for 3 year olds on a Saturday morning for an hour every week, which is by where my ex now lives. I have been going out my way to make sure she goes to this class every time I have her. However, now I will be living an hour away I can't commit to this any more both financially on travelling costs, and also not fair on me or my daughter to spend another 2 hours round trip in a car, for one hours dancing, so I am looking for a dance class she can do where I will be moving to, so I get good quality time with her rather than being stuck in a car. Problem is that this is not good enough for my ex and she is saying that I either carry on taking her on a Saturday morning all the way to where she lives, or she doesnt let me have her on the Friday night and I will have her from saturday late morning (after the class) until Tuesday morning. I cannot do this due to logistics and working Monday evenings and the problems this causes so I need to stick to friday - Monday.
This probably seems a really stupid post, but something as small as a one hour dance class is causing me lots of nasty text messages and voicemails from my ex telling me what a bad dad I am etc.
Please advise best line of action. I am considering getting an access arrangement from the courts if I have to.. do you recommend this or something else? Negotiations between the two of us is not possible as she is totally non-negotiable on this matter. She has already said to me to take her to court if I want to. I fear that if I don't go along with her demands about having to take her to dance class by her, my ex or her mom will pick her up from Nursery on a Friday before me or my parents get chance to get there, so that I have no alternative. I hope you can help.
Many thanks in advance.
Noel.
Hi Noel and welcome
Firstly, it's not a minor issue at all - anything that restricts contact is very important.
Ultimately, your ex is currently the parent with care, and there is no contact order so she can control whether your daughter sees you at the moment. It may be worth suggesting to your ex the possibility of mediation as it's possible that with an independant third party, she might be a little more cooperative, and you might be able to reach a compromise. Otherwise, you are looking at going to court for a contact order which will set down what contact you can have legally, and can then be enforced by the court.
Have a read of yoji's "guide to representing yourself" at the top of the legal section, as this gives a good idea of the procedures you may need to start on.
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