[Solved] Ex Wants Me To Sign Permanent Visa for Australia!

Your daughter's views are paramount. She will get free legal representation but I realise there are pros and cons to going down the legal route. It may be worth taking her to a solicitor to get a formal record of her views about the proposed move without taking any further action at this stage. I have no experience of your situation but would suggest you call the Reunite helpline for advice.

I would also suggest that your partner call the Police regarding your ex's behaviour. What you are describing is an assault. They will not do anything but if you press the issue they should log the call and you can then use this as evidence. I would also suggest recording all interactions with your ex and keeping a file of these.

Don't sign anything without taking legal advice.

best of luck

Hi there and welcome 🙂

Both you and your daughter have rights! Because of your daughters age, her wishes will be listened to and no court in the land would allow a mother to use the child as a weapon in this way. It is possible to apply to court for both a prohibited steps order and residency without using a solicitor. The prohibited steps order stops your child being removed from the country without your permission. If you take a look at the top of the Legal Eagle section you will find a couple of stickys, one is about the C100 form, which is the form you would fill in and submit to court for either defined contact or residency, and its also the form you would use to apply for a prohibited steps order, it costs £200 to apply. The other is a guide to representing yourself in court, and has lots of useful information about the court process.

You can download the form from www.justice.gov.uk or if you go to the sticky titled "C100 Guide" and scroll down you will see just below The Contact Application C100 heading, C100 form written in blue, if you click on that it will link to the form.

Hers a link to the National Family Mediation Service ~ www.nfm.org.uk As you have mentioned Mediation, this may be something you would wish to explore before going to court. Far preferable than trying to mediate in either yours or your ex's own homes.

Childrens love is unconditional and has nothing to do with money and the trappings of wealth. If your daughter wants to stay in the UK then the mother will have to accept this ultimately, and any threats to stop financial support if she refuses to go to Oz are probably just a tool to get her daughter to do as she wants. Once she realizes she cant have her own way on this, then if she loves her child she will support her.

Best of luck. 🙂

Thanks for your advice peeps 🙂

I don't know what she is planning on doing at the moment although I am expecting a solicitors letter. I had my daughter as usual this weekend and she confirmed to me that she would want to stay with me if her mum went to Oz. I have also been told to contact CAFCASS as a mediator. I have a friend who said they were very useful in his situation.

CAFCASS stands for the Children And Family Court Advisory and Support Service, and are a court ordered agency...their role is to prepare reports for the court in cases where children are involved. I doubt that you would be able to ask them to intervene outside of the court setting. If you were to go to court for a Prohibited Steps Order or for Residency, CAFCASS would then become involved. They would interview your daughter and both you and the mother, they would then prepare a report and make recommendations, which would usually carry weight with the judge.

Right, well....just got the letter.

Pretty much everything I expected, about how Amy's quality of life and education will be better etc etc, blah blah blah!

This weekend I will have to ask my 13 year old daughter the most important question of her short life....DO YOU WANT TO GO WITH MUM OR STAY WITH DAD? This is a question that a parent really shouldn't have to ask their 13 year old but I have to. If she really wants to go I'm not going to stand in her way although it will break my heart completely. If she wants to stay then a) She has to be firm with her mother which is not easy and, b) Do I need to trawl all of this through the courts if she doesn't want to go and can make her own mind up.

The next stage is to see whether I can get legal aid and then contact her solicitor to say that I am not willing to agree to the request for my consent.

Do I bother if my daughter wants to go? Shall I go for all out custody?

If your daughter wants to go, then if it gets to court, she is old enough that her opinion will be heard - it doesn't mean that a judge will definitely act on her opinion alone, but there would have to be a good reason why not. Is there any chance you and your ex can sit down together with your daughter and talk to her together?

t. Is there any chance you and your ex can sit down together with your daughter and talk to her together?

Good question....I am putting the question to my daughter this weekend. We have discussed it before and she has said that she wants to stay in the UK. My ex is taking her to Brisbane for 2 weeks in march for a 'holiday' (its actually a 'recce') that's where they're planning on living. I know she'll show her all the wonderful beaches, houses, schools etc but I still think my daughter will want to stay here.

Sitting down with a mediator is a good idea however, if at the weekend my daughter clearly states that she wants to go I cant see any point in trying to stop her! I still think it's much too big a decision for a young 13 year old to make. I really dont know how I would cope without her in my life!

I cant make my next move without knowing once and for all what her wishes are.

I would suggest that it's time to tell your daughter how you really feel about the situation, but obviously avoiding any negative comments about her Mum.

I would hate to be in your position.

Very best wishes

I don't know about your current living arrangements, etc so on and so forth...

But, I don't know... Maybe Australia sounds good to a 13yr old. I'm 35 and it sounds good to me. Could you move to Australia too ? That'd be cool for the girl. Maybe it's worth a thought?

Perhaps its something you and her could look at together. If you said to her, 'look, if you really wanna go, I'm coming too. but if you really wanna stay, I'll do all I can to make that happen, cos I'm ya Dad and I love you whatever.'

And then, you see, knowing that you're going as well, Australian beaches might not seem so far away to your ex...

Wow....thanks for your replies.

Firstly I asked her today about the possible move. I told her this was the most important question she will be asked in her 13 years of life! She told me she didnt want to go.

As for no negative remarks about her mother! I mad the decision a few weeks ago that she had to know what her mother was REALLY like. She is completely psychotic, a control freak of the highest order, she doesn't have her daughter's best interest at heart and she wants to use her as a tool against me. She is a truly disgusting human being!

And move to Austrailia?, dont be silly! 😆

England is the greatest country in the world, the opportunities here are endless if you really want to work at life. I could write a book on the reasons she should stay here but lets just give you the top 4....

1) She would be moving at THE most important time in her education, the implications of leaving for a Oz and a new, completely different education system are unthinkable.

2)She has over 30 close family members (Grandparents, Aunties and uncles, cousins etc) who she regularly see in the UK not to mention all her school friends.

3)England's culture has no comparison IMO, from museums to comedy, art to sport, music to food, TV to Countryside....I could go on!

4)In England we are lucky enough to be able to jump in a car in the morning and have driven through over 7 different counties by nightfall with all the wonderful consequences that can occur from doing so....Try that in Australia!

Do I need to get a solicitor to reply to the letter or do I do it myself. Shall I wait until I get a court order and then go to CAFCASS?

...I dont think you need a solicitors letter, unless you dont feel confident enough to write it yourself but from your posts you seem more than competent! 🙂

IMO you should tell her that your daughter is old enough to have a say in such a big change in her life, and that if she is not willing to accept that your daughter wishes to remain in the UK, then you will proceed to court for PSO and full Residency. Suggest attending Mediation to talk it through and stick to your guns! 😉

Nanny Jane - you have no idea how much you have cheered me up tonight. You're post was exactly the spark of confidence I needed to continue this challenging episode of my, my partner's and my daughter's lives, thank you. 🙂

...You're very welcome lordbenny 🙂

The NFM have what they call child inclusive mediation which I think would be a good idea for you all. Your daughter would also attend and be given the opportunity to express her opinions and wishes in a calm and neutral environment. Your ex will have no choice but to listen and take your daughters wishes seriously. If she is still insistent that your daughter must go and you end up at court, the fact that you have made every atttempt to resolve the situation will be to your advantage.

Good luck 🙂

NannyJane says it all really, great advice.

I have to say though, I don't agree with you tell your daughter hat your ex is 'really like' I think thats a big weight to put on a young girls shoulders especially with all that 13 year old have to deal with generally anyway. Don't forget this is her mother you're talking about & while i'm sure she doesn't agree with her mum's behaviour, she is still her mum & she does love her & may feel awkward/torn.

Nannyjane - you have pm 🙂