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Hi there, your gonna have to bear with me on this one.....this is a long and winding issue.
My partner (we are in a gay relationship) has an ex-wife who knows about our relationship, but the children dont they are 15 / 13 and 9. She has made his life misery since thier divorce 2 years ago threatening him with telling the kids, all for extra money. She has been abusive verbally, calling my things like Liberace....
The children used to stay one night per week, but her solicitor put a stop to that, realising, that she would get more child support if the children stay less than 52 nights per year.
Earlier this year, she met a man in Jan and in March married him, only turned out to be a transexual and even advertises herself on the net, we have screen shots of this as proof. We had not done anything about this, as we thought each person is different.
Now last week, she text my partner asking for more money, only for him to say no...she text at least 3 or 4 times a month asking for more money. This time she replied that should would get her new husband to pay for this specific item with her comment calling my partner a "Fat poof" and he is "More man than you". At this point my partner returned with a comment about knowing that he is a transexual and he has a website etc and even MMS'd a picture of her / him.
At this point she went balistic im not sure she knew and threatend to tell the kids about us. She has now removed all ways of communicating to the kids including Facebook / PSN and now my partner is distraught unable to contact his own children. We are waiting for a solicitors letter from her solicitor as she does this all the time, and we are prepared to complete a C100 and file this.
I was hoping someone would be able to help, is there anything that can be done as soon as to enable my partner contact his kids, they are only getting one side of the story and she is terrafied that he will tell them about the Transexual father, but we dont know if she has told the kids about our relationship and my partner thinks that the kids dont / wont want to know him anymore.
Any help would be great and I know its a one off situation but any assistance would be brilliant
Many thanks
My own view about this (and I'm not saying I'm right) is that your partner should be telling his children about his sexuality. Yes, it is going to come as a shock, but if he doesn't, then just think of the effect on his children if his ex tells them, or if they find out in years to come. Kids are aware of what goes on in society, and it may cause problems for a while, but honesty is always going to be better than trying to deceive them. Of course, it also has the added benefit that his ex then has no means of blackmailing him. I would suggest that if/when he tells them, the two of you shouldn't be obviously gay (kissing in front of them for instance) for a while - if they are having trouble getting used to the idea, then they'll need to come around at their own pace, or even be given the opportunity to not face the fact at all.
I would suggest that, at all costs, you don't raise the issue of his ex's partner with the children - let his ex be the bad one if she's going to be, don't sink to her level. It may be worth him making that commitment to his ex in an effort to restart contact.
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