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Hi I am genuinely hoping someone can help.
Divorced 6 years ago, we were married but all we did was argue and I didn't want my children growing up in that type of environment.
Always had my children 2 nights a week, plus more when needed. Always paid my child support on time, gave the house to the ex wife to ensure the children had stability. Always been to sports days, assemblies, help with homework etc etc.
My ex wifes new husband who they have a baby with has always seemed to be a bit aggresive, and the stories I hear from my children are that they constantly argue.
Today, my oldest who is 9, told me that yesterday the husband got stressed because he wasn't tidying his room properly, pinned him to the bed, shouted at him, then smashed up all his lego.
Calmly I talked to my youngest son who is 7 seperately, and he told me the same story. He also says that mummy was in the room shouting at the husband to get off, but didn't really do much else.
Obviously my blood is boiling but I want to try and stay calm. I have called my ex wife to ask for an explanation, sadly her maturity levels are not all that and she just screamed and swore and hurled abuse.
Where do I stand? I need to know what went on. I am fed up with my children constantly being depressed and upset and their Mum's house, and now with this incident, I really don't want them to go back. But what can I do?
Really looking for all options here. As far as I am concerned right now they are not going back on Sunday. She is now playing the guilt trip saying if I call Social Services she will lose her job in her school (she is a teaching assistant). One minute she's texting me saying I can have the kids, the next telling me she'll call the police if they're not back on Sunday as agreed.
What are my options? I have read in the States there is Emergency Custody Orders, are there similar things in the UK? Do I call Social Services - can you even call them about something like this?
Any help would be really appreciated right now. Thank's so much.
Andrew
Hi there,
It's just my opinion but your ex seems scared from what you say about her saying you can keep them and then changing her mind.
As far as I know there is a emergency custody order here too,I would give social services a call and explain situation see what they say, if your ex is a teaching assistant then it shouldn't make any difference to her as it's her husband that your concerns are with, your ex standing by shouting backs up my view that she is scared too.
Yes may find that social services investigate and find no concerns but it will set hour mind at rest.
Darren
I agree with Darren regarding social services. Going for a residence order is far from guaranteed, and your ex is certainly going to side with her new husband if it goes to court, and while your children will be able to speak to cafcass if it gets to court, there is certainly no guarantee thaty their wishes will be what the court goes for.
I would suggest that you tell your ex that you are unhappy with the situation with her ex and that you are reporting him to social services, rather than just spring it on them.
Hi guys
Thanks for your kind advice.
I have tonight told her that I wont be taking them back on Sunday but will be calling Children's Services on Tuesday morning to come out and see where we all go from there. I have told her that it is him I am reporting and that as such, I can't see how it will affect her job.
She is threatening to call the police now. I actually don't really care about that, half of me wants her too so I can tell them what Matthew has told me and see what they say about it.
The sad thing is I know that this is going to open up a whole can of worms and she will never forgive me for this and will now go out of her way to make my life [censored], but I dont quite know what else to do, I can't ignore this just on the basis that I dont want to annoy my ex with it all.
And as it stands I now have a partner who has gone to work probably wondering what the [censored] she's let herself in for with all of this so I wont be suprised to find she comes home then leaves! Oh the joys! Still what doesn't kill you makes you stronger I guess 🙂
Thanks again everyone
unfortunately, as it's the weekend, we can't get the CCLC to comment until it's too late. I do wonder whether it might be worth preempting your ex and calling the police yourself.
Can I just second what ACTD has recommended. What you've described is an assault and I think the police need to be informed. If you have any text evidence from the mother that confirms that the incident happened, I would show it to the police and let them handle the matter.
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