Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi, question re access for expat dads. I'm a Brit who moved abroad to work when things got tough in late 2009 and job was on the chopping block. Had conversation with Ex that essentially discussed whether continued financial support outweighed me being around as much, her choice was for the money unsurprisingly.
From day one I have paid our agreed level of child maintenance (above CSA requirements) and have maintained contact through Skype. I have been able to travel back (my biggest expense of year) three times to see him in that time, but now - since she moved in with partner - access is getting tougher.
I am often limited to just 5 minutes a week on Skype, she has refused to let him visit me in Abu Dhabi saying I will abduct him (no evidence that I would ever do that), and that she doesn't want him exposed to 'people like that' (ie she's a racist) and now when I ask to visit him in UK, which would mean 6-year-old boy missing last two days of school term she is also point blank refusing (even though she has taken him out of school for a week for her own family holiday).
Do I have any options? We have managed to do this amicably(ish) until now and nothing is subject to court orders, neither or us has sole custody and there is no residency order in place etc
Hi there Scott and welcome 🙂
As you work/live abroad its makes it harder to organize contact. If you were resident here the next step would be to try Mediation, this is where you would go through the Mediation service and with the help of a trained Mediator, discuss all the issues and hopefully reach an agreement. It might be worth approaching the Mediation Service as they may be able to arrange something like a web cam meeting for you and your ex. It would be worth enquiring, heres a link ~
www.nfm.org.uk
Before applying for contact through the courts they would expect that Mediation had been attempted. If you cant set anything up with the Mediation Service it might be worth talking to a solicitor. Courts will accept that sometimes Mediation cant be accessed and not being in the country is a good enough reason for not being able to use the Mediation service prior to applying to the court.
At court you will be able to put defined contact in place and also indirect contact such as Skype can also be ordered, so you could ask for this to be increased, I dont think expecting to speak to him every day for 15mins or so is a lot to ask!. Also you could ask for larger blocks of time during the school holidays as your time with him is limited through the year, say 3 weeks during the summer and permission to take him abroad. You could also ask for christmas and birthday contact to be shared, one year you would have him and the following year the mother would have him.
Best of luck with everything 🙂
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.