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Hello, I have come to this site for some help and advice from other fathers.
I am in a really terrible position at the moment, I won't go too deep into the ins and outs
of the story just yet unless people are interested.
The jist of my situation is this:
Last year I was contacted by CSA to tell me I had an 8 year old to pay for... I knew of
this girl but any time I tried to get a DNA test done the mother would make excuses and I
felt there was no way I could as a man, force the issue like a woman can.
I am not on the birth certificate, another completely unrelated man is. The mother won't
co-operate with me to remove him and add me so I have ZERO rights in the eyes of the law.
I have to book weeks and weeks in advance just to make a phone call as for some strange
reason, my daughter is the busiest 8 year old in the world and is never free, at any time.
It can only be a maximum of once per fortnight if I do as my daughter doesn't want to speak
to me any more regularly than that despite her always asking me when can I come see her
again whenever we do speak.
I have traveled to see her 5 times since last year, as I live over 200 miles from her it
costs me the best part of £100 for about 4 hours of seeing her as that's all i'm allocated
if I'm lucky.
As far as I know I cannot get legal aid now as they removed it for family matters so I
can't fight her, I have no rights and struggle to build and maintain any form of
relationship with my daughter because the mother just wants to roadblock me as often as
possible.
How can this child support law be allowed to be so easily abused by mothers like this?
Where's my law as a father saying that I should have contact rights instantly like she does
with my money? I'll have to spend a bucket load more to get those rights and I cant afford
to do that, I cant even afford to go and see her anymore because CSA are crippling me. How
is this in the best interest of my child?
I feel like offing myself because this is heartbreaking, stressful and I have serious
medical conditions that are strongly linked with stress and this will make me ill.
What can I do?
I feel powerless and i feel it's what the government wants me to be...
I apologise if this message seems all over the place and not alot of sense... it's a true
reflection of my state of mind right now...
I just want to get to know my little girl and have the rights I deserve as much as the
mother does, she took 8 years of my childs life from me and I don't want her to keep taking
more 🙁
Hi R.Prior,
I wouldn't be so presumptious as to offer any advice as I'm new to this forum myself having been through (and still going through) an awful time with my partners ex and his two children. My partner suffered a breakdown last year as a result of his ex's behaviour. I just wanted to say that having read your post I absolutely understand the feelings you're going through and wanted to reassure you that you're not alone and you have come to the right place. There are amazing people on here, all with horror stories to tell and a wealth of experience. In the last couple of weeks we have received more constructive advice from members here than via two different solicitors we employed last year. The important thing is not to give up. It isn't easy but this is for your little girl and there's no better fight. Good luck!
....
I wouldn't be so presumptious as to offer any advice as I'm new to this forum myself ........
We would welcome your advice Las, the more the merrier and if nothing else, you may raise points that others can expand on 🙂
RP, it is certainly understandable feeling the way you do, but the situation you are in does leave some possibilities.
As far as I know, if she won't go do the DNA testing, then you can dispute paternity with the CSA. They can then order the DNA test which you have to pay for. If your ex refuses to have the DNA test done, then I think the CSA accept your word that you are not the father and your maintenance payments cease, and I think you can claim back maintenance to the date you disputed paternity (and you won't have paid for the DNA test). If the test proves you aren't the father, then I think the same applies, except you may be able to claim back the cost of the DNA test. If it proves you are the father, then you have lost the cost of the DNA test, but you have the evidence to go to court to have you name added to the birth certificate, and the existing father's name removed, and to go for a contact order.
I know it's not a particularly pleasant way of going about things in order to get contact, but at the moment, you are not getting any meaningful contact anyway. It is also a way of taking back some control of the situation, which is partly what is making you feel the way you are.
After reading through my post I realised I hadn't made clear that I've had the test done through the CSA and I am her biological dad, sorry.
Ah, right - in which case, you have every right to go on the birth certificate, a court will order this, and you can apply for a contact order at the same time.
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