Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
i'm seperated from my wife and filing for divorse.for the 2 years we've been seperated,we've had a formal agreement that my 7yr old boy who is autistic, stays with me after i pick him up from school at 3pm til 7pm on tues and thurs,and stays over night on fri and sat til 6pm on sunday,he quite regulary stays over on either of the week nights also.i'm in a very good strong relationship with my partner and sometimes stay in her home,sometimes at my own flat,he has his own bedroom at both addresses and is well looked after and is happy.due to her own failure to hold down a relationship herself she has become very bitter and tries her best to cause problems in my loving relationship.she calls or text messg me up to eight times a day and its harrassment..she now said that i can no longer have him over night and that i can only have him when she sayes,or should i say...when it suits her!Can she get away with this?and is it my right to decide when and what days i have resonable access? thanks..
Hi jem 🙂
When you say you have a formal agreement is that court ordered or something that has been drawn up by a solicitor and is legally binding?
If you have a court order then it can be enforced by going back to court. This is a last resort though as it always puts lots of strain on the whole family, and is likely to make the mother even less amenable.
You might like to consider Mediation as a way forward. This may help you both to discuss any issues and with the help of a trained Mediator, find some common ground. Here's a link - www.nfm.org.uk
The constant texting can be a problem, we often suggest that a second phone be purchased specifically for the mothers calls and texts. That way it doesn't interfere with your own phone and its a way of taking back some control of the situation.....you don't have to keep it with you and you choose when to pick it up and check the messages. 🙂
Hi Jem,
I agree with NJ a 2nd phone would help you to be in control of how and when she contacts you, as you can leave it switched off until you want to check it, and with cheap pay as you go phones for as little as £20 it's a good option.
I don't think you have the right to decide when you have your son, but you have some say in it, it shouldn't be as and when it suits her.
I would as said try mediation to resolve the issues before looking at court.
GTTS
Ok i'm playing The Devil's advocate here........
Is this yet another case of the ex just trying to keep you control you by using the children?
OR
Has she been told/worked out that the fewer nights you get overnight access (contact) with your kids the more money she receives in child maintenance? Over 54 nights you can reduce your maintenance payments by a 7th !!! over 104 two 7ths etc… etc…
Tough one to work out as its most likely both....especially if she gets tax credits, housing benefits etc… the less you see your kids the more you have to pay to her.......
funny that most things come down to control and money with ex's......if want to see your kids you need to payout (control).....want to get your ex to play fair...payout (control)
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.