Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: Important Information – open to read:
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
Hi all,
As some of you may be aware I have multiple issues with my partner and her lack of dedication to my son.
If I wanted to how would I go about getting a residency order so he could come and live with me?
I am aware that because I have a [censored] my chances are low, but I think her instability could counter this and swing it my way. Issue to date are below:
1. Originally agreed to see him every weekend, this was fine. I did find it difficult and say some stuff that I really shouldn't have (basically that I didn't want to see him as it was too hard - any father who is going through this knows the pain having to see your child drive off in someone's car, knowing that you are not going to see him for a week, is unbearable) Despite this i never missed a weekend with him.
2. She stopped me seeing him for 10 weeks when she found out that i had a new partner - she actually accused me of abusing my boy (beating) This was despite the fact that she had already met someone, and had let him into my sons life not only as her new BF but as a baby sitter - not a problem in general but as they had only been going out for a few weeks and i was not consulted i was slightly annoyed to say the least (managed to bite my tongue)
3. Eventually got to see him again and we started on a every 2 week for the weekend, this was not good enough for her. when i said that every weekend was a no (i wanted to keep some sort of consistency in his life) she claimed that i never wanted to see him and that she had to force me to see him.
4. She didn't bother to arrange a new flat, despite being given 12 months notice and now lives with her mother (nothing wrong with that per say) her mothers house is hazards to a fully grown adult, let alone a 4 year old. often he come to me stinking and in dirty cloths. (she applauded herself as he arrived to me this weekend gone having just had a bath - would have that this was normal? not something to be cheered about as it should be happening anyway)
5. I have NEVER missed a support payment, one month early on she gave me the wrong details and it went to the wrong account. I made the effort and over paid her for 7 month to make up the missed payment.
6. Most recent: she has said in text that she was going to move to Australia and that even if she doesn't go that she would send him to come and live with me as (and i quote) "you can offer him a better life". Today she has said that she never said this (I have it in writing - granted it a text - all backed up on email)
So angry at the moment, Have i got a chance? I know I can give him a better quality of life, i know i can keep him happy and would NEVER stop her, her family from seeing him.
Advice on how this would work, what i need to try and prove etc.
Vaz
Hi Vas,
From what I recall you had previously experienced problems and had to threaten legal action, which actually seemed to work and contact was restored?
How much contact are you getting at the moment and how often? Does the mother ever block or reduce contact?
Obtaining a residency order is very, very difficult. You have to prove that your child is at emotional or physical risk by remaining with the mother. I agree that her attitude leaves a lot to be desired, but whether it's enough to convince a court to give you residence of your son is questionable.
Unless the mother has been obstructive with contact, I'm not sure there's much you can do to justify court action at this point.
I also have issues with my ex and have to bite my tongue on regular occasions, so I know how frustrating all this can be. You can try mediation, but I suspect that it's her lifestyle that upsets you and I'm not sure mediation would solve that. As I mentioned I have similar issues with my ex and I have come to realise that I'm a lot happier when I don't concern myself with her business. It just winds me up.
I agree with FM - gaining residency is very difficult as courts are generally reluctant to move a child from their home unless there is a risk to the emotional or physical welfare of the child - it would normally need official intervention to help. If you ex did go to Australia and leave your son with you, even for a few months, you would have a good chance of getting residence as your home would effectively become the permanent home and on the same basis, a court is less likely to uproot him from your home.
Hi,
thanks for the responses.
I am aware of the difficulties, re-reading this think it was more of an outlet then and course of action i would follow at the moment.
one day, maybe.
Cheers
Vaz
Welcome to the DAD.info forum.
We don’t like to set ‘rules’, but to make sure that you and the other dads are kept safe, we have some requests. When engaging with the forum, please be aware of the following:
- The forum is not moderated 24 hours per day.
- Many of the moderators do so on a voluntary basis. Whilst they may be able to provide some guidance, advice or support, they may not be able to deal with specifics.
- We are not an emergency crisis service so if you or someone else is in immediate danger, please call emergency services.
- If you are concerned about the safety of a child, please click here to find the support you can get for them (link to new page)
- If you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123. They are open 24 hours a day, 7 days per week.
We hope you find this forum a supportive environment and thank you for joining us.