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Hi,
Since christmas contact with my daughter has got less and less and Im up to the point where I now see my daughter not at all, it started off and id see her 3 days one week and 1 day the next (as I work shift work). This then changed to one overnight a week then one evening a week till now I dont see her at all.
My ex has said that my daughter says that she doesnt want to see me as she is upset with me because I dont make an effort, but its her mum that is stopping me seeing her, so she is making it impossible for me to make an effort because I am not allowed to see her. She also says Im a danger to my daughter because:
1) I drove aggressively when my daughter was in the car
2) I lost her on the beach for 30 seconds 2 years ago.
3) I left her in the house alone for 5 minutes(literally) when she was 5 (4 years ago).
My daughter is nine years old and the longer I dont get to see her at all the more she is going to resent me and be influenced by her mother I feel. I have been to mediation which my ex refused to go to, so now I am going to see a solicitor on Wednesday to try and get contact, I would like to avoid court and see this as a last option, though my ex seems determined that I am only going to court to "rip her apart" and "drag my daughter through the courts".
My question is what sort of contact should I apply for, I was thinking 2 days a week rising to 3 if things go well. And how should I explain to my daughter that Im only doing this for her well being because I think she needs to see me and my side of her family, as my ex has stopped her from seeing her grandparents uncles and nephews and neices also.
This has been going on for a long time and this is my only option, do the courts also interview the child to get their perspective on things? I want to know if my daughter really doesnt want to see me, because I believe she is being influenced greatly by her mothers bitterness towards me, will a professional be able to get to the trut of things if they interview my daughter?
Also how long does a court order usually take to be made?
Alot of questions I know thanks for reading.
Im in almost the exact same position mate except my daughter is only 2 and I am currently 'allowed' 3 hours each sunday to spend with her.
Last month my solicitor and I applied to the courts, Im going for PR and a contact order.
Weekend just gone, my daughter met her Great Grand Mother and Uncle (on my side) for the first time whilst at my house. After my ex's mother had dropped my daughter off I got a text "Who the [censored] is at your house while you are suposed to be spending time with her on your own. Thats my agreement!!"
That just shows you how controlling she is.
Anyway, I myself am a bit unsure of how much contact to go for aswell. I also do odd shift work and it would need to be worked around that. I dont want to go for too a small amount of time and then have to go back to court in the future for more access.
On the other hand, would it be better to ask for more contact than I know I will get?
From what I have been researching, you can ask for contact originally to something that wont upset your daughters routine too much then it can be reviewed after a set time e.g. 6 months and if it is going well contact can be increased. Would be interested to see how you get on keep me updated, Im seeing my solicitor for the first time tomorrow to get the ball rolling.
Good to hear you are taking action whilst your daughter is still young, just because we dont live with our children makes us in no way second class citizens and there is only so much control/abuse you can take. I would like to pass on my best wishes for you and I hope things turn out in the best way possible for you and your daughter.
So I would say to you to go for how much contact you feel comfortabe with and leave it in the hands of the courts and take that as a first step to the amount of contact that works for you and your daughter. The main thing is getting regular contact with your daughter as any regular contact is better than none. Once you have PR your daughters relations (from your side) can also apply for contact orders too.
I have to keep reminding myself that Iam doing this for my daughter as so much personal stuff has been said about me by my ex that it is hard to stay focused, I have to keep making sure Im not trying to get one up on my ex and making sure Im not using my daughter as a pawn as my ex is doing, knowing this makes it easier to believe I am doing this for my daughter and my relationship with her and my focus is not being muddied by any other reason, as a friend said at work "it was our f$%k up why should my daughter suffer for it".
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