[Solved] Going to court to gain more access costs & advice

Hi Lee and welcome to the site!

I can't see any reason why you shouldn't have overnight contact. I would suggest that you write to the mother and/or email her and POLITELY ask that she reconsiders the current contact schedule. If there any issues that need to be ironed out suggest that you use a family mediation service to resolve them and they can help you both develop a new contact schedule. Let her know that you really want to be able to sort this out amicably without involving the courts or the CSA (as so many other people do needlessly).

If she refuses I think the only course of action open to you would be a court application, but the court will have expected you to have at least tried mediation first.

Have you got evidence that you paid off £15,000 worth of her debt?

The current CSA guidelines state that you're expected to pay 15% of your net (take home) pay to the mother, but this will change to 12% of your gross salary shortly. You are supposed to deduct 1/7th of this for each night in the week that your child stays with you. It seems to me that you're more or less paying the the CSA recommended amount, so I'm assuming that she wants to avoid the CSA as it may affect any benefits she's claimin?

Good luck and please let us know how you get on!

FM '70

Hello and thank you very much Filmmaker_1970 for answering my concerns I really appriciate it.

I do not have proof that I paid £15000 worth of her debts as I can not prove what she spent the money on but I can prove through Bank Statments that I paid her a 1 off lump sum off £15000 and for 7 years I paid her £100 a month to help with her son as his dad stopped paying child support, When my daughter was born we agreed I would pay her £250 a month and buy all the nappies, cream, wet wipes etc.

I will sugest mediation to her as to be honest for my daughters sake and the sake of her son who I got on brilliantly with for 8 years I would not like this to turn nasty.

In regards why she does not wnat to go through the CSA I can only have an educated guess which will probably end up at the same conclusion you do, ie family tax credit, single parents allowance etc but maybe I am wrong to judge.

Kind regards Lee

I think you're in a fairly strong position.

She may make loads of threats initially, but if she continues to be obstructive I would advise that you apply for a contact order. The court would probably order mediation anyway and I often think court ordered mediation is potentially more productive as you can request that any agreement you come to is taken back to the court and enshrined into a court order. You can't do this in standard mediation, as any agreement is taken at face value and is not legally binding.

You can also go to the CSA and have payments made through them. She will know this and this may be a lever that you can use to negotiate a more favourable contact schedule. Don't make any threats, but let her know that you have options.

I would also seriously look at speaking to her about repaying the £15K you gave her. Or you may just want to write it off. It's up to you!

Hello Filmmaker_1970 and thanks for your help you have been great.

To be honest I was made redundant and the £15000 I gave my ex was my redundancy money, At the time I was very much in love and did not want to see the person I loved struggle when I could help!

Now in hindsight and with me being on a very tight budget I would love the money back 🙂 But I would never ask her for it as it may come across as im doing it for the wrong reason and I dont really want to cause her any stress as at the end of the day she is my Daughters mum and i dont dislike her just want her to be fair with me.

I honestly believe I have a amazing case as I dont have a criminal record, always worked full time at respectable companies, have my own house and car and above all no one could say anything about me not being a great dad.

I ahve suggested mediation to her yesterday and she just laughed and said dont mither me and things may improve. lol.

Will just keep her sweet for a while and see what developes.

What makes me laugh is all as i really want is a few more hours each day and my daughter overnight off a weekend 1 night! I said to her instead of leaving my daughter with your mum leave her with me and give your mum a break or I will have my daughter and your son overnight anytime and you can see your new fella and "get rattled in everyroom in the house" prob not best way to put it but genuinely how I feel and I thought a helpfull offer.

If this was to happen would kill 2 birds with one stone, she has fun and most importantly i get the love of my life overnight again the answer was a "no, she is to young"

I don't agree that your daughter is too young and I think overnight care is an essential part of the bonding process.

You know what your options are, so proceed in the way that you feel is appropriate.

The only thing you have to be concerned about is that if you make a court application, she may try to reduce or stop contact to attempt to control the situation.

You usually have to wait 6-8 weeks from the point of your application to the date of your first hearing.

So you need to weigh up the pros and cons for yourself.

Cheers,

FM '70

Wow 6 to 8 weeks I could not cope with that! I felt the pain every second of every minute for the 9 days my daughter was away.

Reading some stories in here I realise how lucky I am compared to a lot off other unfortunate fathers.

For the time being I think I will keep her sweet and monthly ask her for overnight access but as it is and with my daughter only being 2 i like the fact that i see her daily and we have a little routine even if its only for 2 hours, But I hope and believe that seeing her daily is better than seeing her perhaps 3 times a week but for longer hours!

I hope im doing the rigt thing seeing her daily though and building a set routine

Do what you feel is best for you and your daughter. You know the personalities of all involved and are far better placed to make a judgement call 🙂

Good luck!

FM '70