[Solved] Got a contact order....but!!

Hi. Has your shift pattern only just changed? I was just wondering why this wasn't mentioned during court that flexibility is a must. Saying that the courts will presume that although the court Order is there to be abided by, there is room for a little flexibility. It sounds as if your ex is just being stubborn. You could write her a letter explaining that you need to be more flexible, and if not you will have no option to go back to court. If that doesn't work you will have to use the c100 form and will will have to re apply for a amendment of the current order, with the times/flexibility you want. Or at least get a note attached saying this. You can also mention you sent a letter with no avail. I was in a similar situation and as my ex doesn't work, and has no commitments the judge didn't look favourable on her being stubborn. (ironically after my ex stating the court order word for word she is now Ignoring it, word for word but that's a different story).

Hi,

I had said in all the written statements that I had submitted to court that there would need to be an element of flexibility to account for any changes. I have just written to my ex asking her to change a few forthcoming days but as I said she is deliberately refusing to do so because it makes no mention of this on the court order!!

Hi,

In the court order does it not mention "or as otherwise agreed"?

This is usually written in to provide some flexibility.

Regards,

Dave

Hi Dave,

It lists the alternate Fridays and Saturdays and then at the end it states...' such further additional contact that may be agreed between the parties.' I took this as meaning the annual holidays, birthdays, fathers day etc which we had agreed on but wasn't part of the contact order proceedings. She is saying that because there is no mention of 'flexibility' or 'change' in the order she is deliberately refusing to do anything, I have said that any change she makes for me I would obviously do the same for her on quid pro quo basis. Apart from the changes to some Fridays and Saturdays I am now also concerned that she can still dictate all other 'additional' days of contact throughout the year like holidays, etc......and I went to court to try and prevent that from happening!!

I have the same issue with my order in tht it is wooly and gives the ex wriggle room. I would prefer it to be precise myself.

Unfortunately I think that with any "contact" order they are still very much in control.

I think you have to appeal to her sense of reason and if she stll doesnt want to be reasonable invite her to mediation and tell her that you may have to take her back to court.

If you can afford to I would get back to court and have the order made clear but appreciate mediation should be a first step.

Regards,

Dave

Dave,

Unfortunately, 'sense of reason' doesn't figure high with my ex! If I suggested mediation she wouldn't even consider it...I think the control issue you mention is the important factor as far as she is concerned. Do you know specifically how I can request the order is worded?

Thanks,

Mark

Hi....I agree with Dave as far as mediation should be your first port of call. Regardless of her refusal to attend mediation, this may change when she receives a formal letter from the mediator requesting she attend. Then if she still refuses you will be issued with a form FM1 which you need to submit to the court along with form C100 to prove mediation has been attempted.

I wouldn't worry about the wording of a new order at the moment. It's good enough that you had spoken of the necessity for flexibility during the previous court hearings, all of the statements and paperwork are all on file and can be referred back to if you need to go back to court.

Nannyjane,

The contact order is literally just 1 week old! It is a result of over 5 months of court proceedings of which mediation was not an option as we both stated we had attended voluntarily before the court process and it had not worked and the court had accepted that mediation would not resolve anything. Would I still need to bother with the formality of approaching a mediation firm as I did before knowing that it was not going to happen or would the court see this matter as a follow-on from the final hearing which was only last week! I think given the fact we have both just put ourselves through a long and hostile court process tends to suggest that mediation is not going to happen?

I see... Has she stated that she will not be flexible? .....as you haven't had time to test the usability of the order with it only being granted a week ago.

My feeling is that if she responds to your letter with a refusal to accommodate working patterns then you could write to the judge that made the order and tell them that the mother is refusing any flexibility which had been discussed during the hearings. Ask for permission to return to court to try and resolve this and attach a copy of the correspondence between you and your ex, specifically any written proof you have that she is being difficult.

Alternatively you could approach your employer and explain that you would like a definitive weekend work pattern to accommodate the court order. A letter from your employer outlining you work pattern and reasons why this has to be flexible might also be a good idea.

Nannyjane,

She has stated in a written reply ( unfortunately now thrown away by me!) that she is sticking to the very letter of the contact order, and as it does not state any agreed flexibility or change...she is insistent that she wont even discuss it! My working pattern is always going to be changeable and unfortunately I can do anything about this....other than leave!!! It only affects the Friday and Saturday, so if I'm working on the Friday fro example and would have my son on the Saturday and vice versa. However the contact order is worded so that this is now a very strict alternating pattern starting this week, I have given her dates up until Xmas that I will need to change but she just will not accept this. Is it a common thing to be able to write directly to the judge in the case? Is there a precedent for this do you know?

Thanks

Mark

I've known of others that have written to the judge when a situation has arisen.....With some success! It such a pity that you didn't question the content of the order at the time, did you have a solicitor? If you did then they should have asked for the order to accommodate the changing weekend situation. If you didn't have a solicitor then you can say that you didn't realise that you could question the content of the order before it was drawn up and authorised.

Try and get her to put it in writing again that she is refusing to be flexible....however as long as she is sticking to the order she isn't in breach.

If you have your working dates up until Xmas then this will help your argument and you could include a copy of this if you need to write to the judge.

Thanks Nannyjane,

I didn't question the order as it was written up and handed to us separately in the waiting room on the day and I didn't read it fully until I had got home! I was aware that the judgement had the Friday/Saturday arrangement but didn't realise until I read the order that there was absolutely no provision or even mention made for flexibility and change, had I realised whilst still in court the exact wording I would have raised an immediate concern. To be honest I was a little frustrated at the court process as it appeared the judge and magistrates rarely, if ever, even bothered to read our pre-submitted statements each time we had a hearing! So although I was very clear from the start in my statements to the court that I wanted an order to recognise the need for flexibility and change it seems that this was never even read!!