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I met with my solicitor on Friday, she pointed out that if my (soon to be) ex-wife doesn't agree to me having unsupervised contact at the 1st court hearing, it will take 20 weeks for CAFCASS to report back to the court after their investigations. After that, the court can start doing something.
I've done nothing wrong. My ex has no grounds to stop me from seeing my son, we were married when he was born, I've never abused her or him, I've always paid CSA on time and in full. She decided to leave me as she re-found her faith in Islam and couldn't be with a non-believer.
The only things she "could" claim are:
- I've openly admitted that I used to smoke cannabis (as the wife did, too), but we stopped a long time ago.
- I drink alcohol (the wife did, too), around 10-12 units a week (far from being an alcoholic).
- I had 2 strokes last year, but my consultant has said I'm capable of looking after a child.
My solicitor said that instead of the ex having to show that I'm not safe to look after our son, that she only has to accuse me of something I have to pay for the drug or alcohol testing or get a stroke specialist to attend the court.
At the moment, my son is being brought up being spoken to in Punjabi - in England (even though my ex & I are English - but her family want him to speak Punjabi, Hindi, Urdu & Arabic - "he'll learn English at school") by people that have openly admitted that they don't like white people, non-believers and the British culture. I don't want to stop him from learning about both backgrounds, but she only wants him to learn about her heritage. I'm concerned that the longer he's only with Asian Muslims with superiority complexes, that he'll not want to be with me.
So as a father, I'm guilty until I can prove myself innocent. But to get the court to stop her from doing her "parental alienation", I have to prove she's guilty.
Hi StrokeBloke,
That's a real pain about contact being supervised, and in another post I see its like 160 miles away!!
From what you say I see there is the potential for quite a few unplanned costs, and court / solicitor is expensive.
I wonder if there is anything you can do to help 'evidence' any parental alienation you recon is happening. Hopefully your solicitor is advising you. I'm sorry you're concerned that perhaps in the future your son might not want to be with you.
It sounds like a long journey through court - I hope it works out for you.
/orange
Thanks Mr Orange,
I've shown the texts to my solicitor showing some of the comments directed to me. The fact that the family are not teaching him English is one example.
Some of the comments from her family show a tendency towards racism which I'll try to ensure that the court specifies that they shouldn't teach my son those views:
"At least he's got our family's culture, as to be British means to be a drunk and a racist", they weren't actually talking about me, they were talking about their view of the general British way.
"I like you, but there's no way that my daughters will marry a gora" (gora - white person)
When she decided to marry me, her family disowned her & my family had already accepted her for who she was without issue. To my knowledge, none of my family have every made racist statements to her or her family, we never tried to force her into our beliefs or brainwash her.
As far as I know, to get a decision from the court, it will cost me £7k to £10k, maybe more if she appeals.
In our talks, my solicitor and I still can't think of a legal standing that she can take against letting me and my family spend time with my son.
I'm pleased to hear your solicitor can't see any legal stance she can take to stop you sering you're son.
From reading other reports on the site, it seems to be that she doesn't need a legal stance. Just ovaries.
:p
I'm not planing to give up anyway. I've set up a payment plan with the solicitor & I'm expecting to be paying into it for a few years. More if needed. My son is the most important part of my life.
In my experience mixed race children that are denied knowing both cultures will seek out that which has been denied them. When he starts school he will be taught about multi culturalism and diversity and the acceptance of all. He will learn what it is to be British and if all that has been denied to him he will seek it out. The family he lives with may be able to keep him exclusively within their beliefs now, but that wont continue once he is out in the world.
My grandson has a half sister whos father is part chinese, she didnt meet her father or his family until she was 6yrs old. She had been unhappy for a couple of years she would say things like I'm ugly, my face is fat and why is my skin darker....She was noticing the differences between herself and her mum and brother, both blonde with blue eyes! It took me a year to talk the mother into allowing her to meet her "chinese" family and she hasn't looked back. She now knows where she fits in the world and she's a complete little person now!
I wish you all the best, we have to stamp on racism in all its forms, for the sake of all our children.
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