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I work for stagecoach i have in place been taking care of my girls who are 3 and a half P and L for 15 months having them 6 nights and my ex partner has had the girls 8 nights .This is so we can contribute and also do our respective jobs .As of 3 september the girls are attending pre-school which is in the mother village some 17.9 miles from my door to the girls school .i have still made sure the girls get to school at a proper time and also collect them too when the girls are with me .My ex has all the tax credits all the benefits and recently she has got a new chap the 3rd in 8 months and he has a dog whom is a english bull terrier .i found out this and hit the roof being as only after 3 weeks he had moved in with the dog,i said you dont know the dog let alone the man .she has since this date septemeber 15th not let the girls speak to me at night and this has always been in place when well from birth but since i bought the issue of the dog it has pretty much stopped .the dog has scratched lola and just last week bitten paris on the nose.we attended a pre custody hearing ,she lied in court when i brought this up and said there was not a problem with the dog .lie after lie in the court . because i have interferred with her life i have in August been hit with csa too even though i have the children nearly half the time one day less in two weeks .i have been told by the benefits agency to ask her if she will share the child benefit which is a joke she wont share anything furthermore sticking me for csa too which the csa deem i have to pay £32.00 a week which is ludicrous and it seems like i am being branded as some sort of eveil father .I do so much for the kids and take them to all their close familyon my side uncles grnadparents etc which are in leicester i also take them to my exs grandparents as she fell out with them months ago and no longer allows the children to vist them which i think is also wrong .i am doing so much and take the girls everywhere fun . I cant believe how the system is making my life so hard .I only come out with £278 a week and i am sinking under the pressure financially as she is making it this way .Can anyone help and i have asked that the children at the pending hearing have 50/50 care as this will take the fincancial aspect off somewhat .Its just a total manipulation from my ex of a system and i feel so under valued as a true loving parent
IS THERE ANY HOPE OR HELP FOR ME
I HAVE NOT GOT LEGAL AID I SAW A SOLICITOR AND HE SAID THE GOVERNMENT AND AUSTERITY IS DOING AWAY WITH HELP FOR ALL BUT THOSE ON BENEFITS LIKE MY EX IS
PLEASE ANY HELP OR INFO WOULD BE SO APPRECIATED BEFORE MY HEARING IN POSSIBLE DECEMBER OF THIS YEAR 2012
thanks kevin
Hi Kevin,
Welcome to the site.
Just to let you know, I have edited your post to remove some details that may identify the individuals mentioned.
Wow sounds like you're going through a tough time at the moment. You sound very frustrated and I can imagine why. You sound like a genuinely caring father.
You don't have to have a solicitor represent your in court, you can represent yourself (and avoid a lot of the cost). It may sound a little scary but a few members of the DAD community have represented themselves successfully in court - check out this guide about how to represent yourself in court. .
Have you considered the two of you attending Mediation. This would enable you and your ex to meet face to face, and with the guidance of a trained mediator, talk through the issues and hopefully come to agreement. It would give you a chance to talk about your worries and concerns about your childrens safety as well as hash out all of the other issues the two of you have.
Mediation might also help you both to agree to contact that works for you both. Here is a link to the National Family Mediation website.
Also, which may help, DAD is now running Coaching For Separated Fathers It is worth a look to see if we can help.
Gooner.
Hi Kevin and welcome 🙂
Lets start with CSA...If you google the CSA calculator and fill it in, it will tell you what you should be paying. You are entitled to a reduction if the girls stay overnight for more than 52 nights per year...as it seems that they stay with you 3 nights per week that would equate to a reduction of 3/7th, which is almost half of the full amount you are liable for. If your ex is claiming benefits, then moving her new partner in will have an effect on the amount she should receive. It is against the law not to declare changes like this to the benefits office as his income would count towards the household and her benefits would reduce accordingly.
You are right to be concerned about the new partner and his dog. I think you should start a Diary. Keep a record of all communication, what is said over the phone, keep all txts and emails and write down anything that concerns your girls, arrangements that have been broken etc. Did you take any photos of the injuries you girls received from the dog. If not I would advise you to do so in future, photographic evidence cant be disputed. If you are really concerned you could phone the police and explain that an unknown male has moved into your childrens home and you know nothing about him, you could mention the injuries to your girls and your ex's denials...ask if you could have his background checked or at the very least, that they log your concerns.
Did the judge at the pre custody hearing mention Mediation, this is usually the expected route prior to any court action. It might work in your favour if you suggest that you both try this, and if you can reach an agreement and the amount of contact you have with your girls is acknowledged on the statement, this may also help in court. If she refuses to attend, this would also look favourable as you are making every effort to sort things out amicably. Heres a link ~ www.nfm.org.uk
Always try to be calm and reasonable with your ex, regardless of how she is behaving, especially in court. Dont respond to nasty or abusive txts from her...The court will want to see that you only have your girls best interests at heart.
The financial burden of employing a solicitor is very heavy and can leave you with a bill for thousands. Have a look at the stickys that are at the top of the Legal Eagle section. There is "The Contact Order C100 Guide" and the guide to "Representing yourself in Court".
There are quite a few Dads that go down this route to avoid the crippling solicitors fees. Its worth having a read any way, as preparation for your court appearances.
Your solicitor is ill informed. In April next year as part of the Reforms, there will be changes to the Legal Aid system...the only ones that will qualify for Legal Aid in family law will only be those cases where abuse or domestic violence is involved. Straightforward custody battles will no longer be paid for by the state, wether a parent is on benefits or not. I started a thread about it in the Current Affairs, News and Topical Discussion section and there is a link to more information about this there.
Good luck with everything Warren. 🙂
...I see Gooner has already covered most of the things that I have, sorry for repeating them! 🙂
...I see Gooner has already covered most of the things that I have, sorry for repeating them! 🙂
Never feel sorry for agreeing with my words of wisdom - they are normally few and far between :whistle:
hi sorry for chipping I have just been looking this for my case as I have two children and being a new single person after marriage failure I have been left looking at one bedroom flats wwhich no good for childcare but housing benifit just dont them into account beecause i dont get child support but woman on phone told which i dont know if true i need to check if I get shared care I am entitled to claim chld benifit for one child and wife would claim for other same for child tax credits if wife doesnt agree I can just go to dwp and ask them to investigate an they will decide
Hi yes your spot on there .its a bit of a joke really as the hmrc ask you to talk to your ex and see if she will share the child benefit if not give you that and keep the child tax credit .I have serious doubts about some of the advisors at hmrc .really what you have not enough to live on oh dear never mind is what you will get from your ex trust me.the only way will be a invetigation by the benefits team,just explain your issues and i hope they see the sense your ex partner does not see
kev
many thanks bro ,yes very difficult time .its like im ok as long as i pay up and get back in the box.at the pre hearing i said that there was no point in mediation as this had gone on long enough and it would drag things out i want the court to hear the evidence and decide.its now scheduled for a final hearing at the family proceedings court for a final hearing sometime after 29th november.When the judge transferred it over to the family proceedings court is it any less than the county court and will it affect the money i have paid up front to represent my self ?
Thanks for the info hear from you soon gooner and thanks to all that helped here
its a worrying time
she actually denied the dog attacks in the pre hearing and caf cass were non too enthusiatic about any looking into anything further hence it moved over to family proceedings court
what do you make of that ? should i be worried ?
many thanks for that Warren just a quick one i asked for the mediation to be bypassed as i had spoke to a solicitor and he advised me there slittle point as it had gone so long down the line and it would be better to go straight to a hearing instead which i said at the pre hearingmy ex denied all attacks by the dog of her new boyfriend and so cafcass were not interested in persuing any matter of child checks and so the judge pushed the case to a final hearing in the family proceedings court behind the county court buildings.does this affect my payments to represent my self do i now have to pay again .i thought £200 covered me for 3 court appearances including the pre hearing /
i do have photos of the marks yet she is trying to brainwash the girls to say it neve happened is what im getting back from the girls and bear in mind there only 3 and a half its just awfull
what can you tell me apart from keep taking the pills
As far as I know, the £200 covers the proceedings until they are completed, rather than a fixed number of hearings. Would be worth giving the court a call to check with them.
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