[Solved] Hello. New and looking for advice

Hi Sean,

Welcome to the site - I have moved this thread to the Legal Section on the site because I think it is best placed here.

I have no experience of a deed of separation - but hopefully some other members of the community may have.

Gooner

Hi Sean and welcome 🙂

I'm afraid a deed of seperation is not a legally binding document in the same way that a court order is.

I'm sorry to hear that your ex is going to inhibit contact as this will impact on you and your little girl. Perhaps if you were to talk to her and let her know that there are options open to you, but that it would be better to sort this out between yourselves. Outline the fact that if you were forced to go to court, the judge would consider it detrimental to your child to reduce the contact that she is used to, and it would not be in her best interests. If she realizes how seriously you take your parental responsibility she might change her mind....its worth a try. However dont use court as a threat more that you are prepared to do whatever it takes to maintain the bond you have with your daughter.

Have you thought of trying Mediation to try and sort this out? The courts would expect that all other avenues have been exhausted before asking for court intervention. There is a fee for this service. Here is a link ~ www.nfm.org.uk

Good luck with everything

...I have to correct myself here....It appears from information that I've just come across on the Mediation website, that a deed of seperation can be enforceable if it has been drawn up in a certain way by a solicitor.

If you use the link to the Mediation website I gave you in my previous post you will find a section on the left hand side called
"Support me I'm..." hover over that and a new box opens click on "Separating". It opens up a new page and if you scroll down you will come to a section titled "Making Terms of Separation legal" ....the information about it being enforceable is in that paragraph.

I'm sorry for giving you the wrong information. :}

I think a divorce court could override the deed of separation - generally courts can do that on any court decision from an equal or lower court. However, I would say that it is a very good bit of evidence to present to the court - your ex should have to give justification why she thinks that it should not continue that way, and of course, you have the option of applying for residence yourself.

Thanks for the reply's. The solicitor I used to draw up the deed of separation seems to think that unless something major has changed, I should be ok. The thing is, ok isn't good enough and I cant afford to go to court. My ex will get legal aid due to her earnings and knows I will struggle to afford a solicitor. The reasons she has gave me, for wanting to change everything, I think is nonsense. I work full time, 8-4:30, and when I have my daughter I use my mother to drop her at school and pick her up. I then pick her up when I finish work. She claims that I'm not pulling my weight. I also play football on a saturday 12-4:30, again I use my mother if I have my little girl. Would a judge see this as not doing my fair share, I love my time with her and would pack football in if I had too.

Hi again

Have you thought of self representation? Its not uncommon as solicitors fees are prohibitive for lots of hard working Dads.

I dont believe a judge would view a grandmothers help as anything other than normal family involvement. Your daughter will have strong bonds with all of her immediate family that she spends time with. When my son was granted Residency of his 5yr old son he was living with me, and I helped him a lot, I also have a strong bond with my grandson. This is no different to the majority of families up and down the land! I'm sure the judge would feel that the bonds your daughter has with you and your mum are important to your daughters well being and to suddenly inhibit contact would not be in her best interests...

Are you sure your ex's desire to limit overnight stays is less to do with "you not pulling your weight" and more to do with the amount of maintenance she can claim?

Good luck 🙂

Just throwing in my "two peneth worth" .....

If she reducing the amount of time you will have your kid per week.....i wonder if its just motivated by the finacial benefits to her for you having less time!

my ex won't let me have overnights with my son because she would loose a 7th of my maintenance for every night per week i would have him.....well that and she's a total control freak and mentally unstable - not libelous as she has a doctors note in the court file saying she has a brain problem!!!

The greed and the need to hurt the other parent who either left or was pushed away seems to be the main motivation from most of the posts i've read here on this site. :boohoo:
i really wish that the ex's with the kids would actually see sense that its the child's right to a father (or mother) in their day-day/week-week lives.