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Hello there,
I honestly never thought I'd ever be involved on a website forum let alone one which discuss if I can see my daughter?!? The situation so far with my now ex, is I have a 6 month old daughter (biologically) and a 5yr old step son. We were together approximately 18 months and like many, in a seemingly loving caring and fun relationship. Although there is more to the relationship than just our day-to-day stuff, we went through probably more challenges in 18 months than a couple in say 5yrs!! Anyway I'm babbling because it’s only been 2 weeks since the separation and I'm understandably hurting.
Nevertheless, I wanted to know a few things...I've read the information of my rights and understand the basics. I just want to see my daughter at least once a week and possibly overnight, ideally Saturday. I know this sounds selfish but I have my own home a great career and can provide and look after my little princess easily especially on a weekend. There's a massive amount of complexity to this situation, like moving my life to her flat (council owned and don't get me wrong I came from a council estate and have NO prejudices against this). I redecorated her flat, replaced all my furniture with hers (hers was in very bad shape and she agreed to replace it), moved my dog (of 6yrs I was alone with) installed two TV's, she's now on benefits and says she’s spoken to "CMoptions" who told her I will be paying £116 per week! etc, etc...all for the arrival of baby last February! There are reasons for the separation but won't go into them now. She has said I will never have her overnight because I'm not capable!! I mean I've fed and changed her, rocked her to sleep in the short period of 6mths. My ex won't let anyone get in and help with her and most of the time according to her "I'm doing it wrong!" And this is not true, I feel I'm the bad guy, then I bite and try and defend myself. I don't want it to go to court but if it does will I get the Saturday? And she says she can change her surname on the birth certificate to hers!!
Any help is very welcomed.
Hi and welcome
Are you registered as the father on the birth certificate? If so, then you have parental responsibility and she can't change her name without either agreement from you or a court order (which is unlikely to be given). As she is 6 months old, I'm not sure that you would succeed in court in getting overnight stays just yet, but it's something that you should be looking towards in the next few months possibly.
However, at this stage, I would look at mediation to see if there is any way forward as its alway going to be a better option if you can avoid court.
Many thanks actd,
Good to know there's others here that can help.
I am the registered and biological father on the certificate, although I'm reading so much material online which suggests even if I have co-parental responsibility I'm only (maybe at this stage) involved in the main decisions of her life (which is good). Because of what she said 'no overnights ever' am I probably panicing?!?! I understand the mum is the main 'carer' which I appriecate but it seems it's her understanding that she will set the rules/days/times for me to see my daughter?!?
She ended things and I've moved back to my previous house which I'm selling, having no furniture, so you can appriecate beng with her for 6 months solid and now nothing is quite a shocker!
Cheers,
PS: Your profile pic is good, I have a boxer!
PPS: we are unmarried by the way and not living together at the time of seperation.
Whether your ex includes you in the main decisions is largely up to her unfortunately - although in theory you should be consulted, in practice what this means is that your opinion should be considered, but she gets to make the final decision - however, you would be entitled to get reports from the school (obviously not yet) and have access to medical records etc, but it's not as open as it should be. It's possible that your ex may hav no problem with this later on, so it may all go well.
Profile pic is one of my favourites - it will change suitably as we approach Christmas 🙂
Cheers,
And just for clarity...if she doesn't agree to a friendly negotation or mediation, she cannot determine when/where/what day/ times etc...I can see her?
You've been a BIG help...yea and I bet you fill the christmas stockings with goodies!
If she doesn't agree, then as the parent with care, she can control those times - she is expected to be reasonable, but if gets to the stage where she isn't, then you are looking at going for a contact order through the court - it may be worth the hint that you are prepared to go there is necessary as that may well help to get her to mediation is she's being resistant. It's worth reading yoji's guide to representing yourself at the top of the legal eagle section as it will tell you the process involved.
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