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Having a nightmare of a time!
I have a wonderful little 4 year old - we are extremely close, In fact far closer than he is to his mother.
My ex and I separated earlier this year and she forced me out our home to a place a couple of miles away.
I see my son for 5 night out of every 14 day cycle and now plus half holidays.
I have now moved house to within 5 mins walk from him and I want to increase my contact, and also take care of him when she is unable to due to work or going out etc. She is resisting this preferring to dump him with her mother or friends, especially giving the latter preference over his father.
She is, and always has been, immensely jealous of the relationship we have and I think she is trying to break it down - it's as if, when I'm not there I don't exist, thus trying to make me into a half father. She is also very heavily dominated by her awful parents (who have money) and recently returned from a holiday with them - before she left we were getting on great, and then she started to ignore my emails and texts regarding our son, and became very negative.
She has now got a lawyer who has requested I don't contact her - saying that I was harassing her although it was two way conversations via text and email.
I have begged her to try and discuss this between ourselves, or via mediation but is falling on deaf ears. She refuses to reply even via the lawyer to issues relating to our son.
I have told them that this is really not in the interest of my little boy and still get no response. I must also mention that there is no question or accusations of abuse or violence.
Sadly, I believe a great % of this comes from her parents influence - the mother even dragged away my son from me so he wouldn't see me in the street, twice in one week.
My next step I guess is to apply for a Contact Order. Unfortunately I am self employed and recently started up a new business.
Therefore, my lawyer has told me that I don't apply for legal aid and wants to start charging me £200 per hour which I haven't got.
All is what I am interested in is the welfare and happiness of my little boy and have a strong belief that 2 loving parents are better for him and his development than one - or 1.5 as my ex would prefer.
Has anyone else been through similar circumstances, working on their own without a lawyer.
Any advice or help would be greatly appreciated.
Many thanks
Hi Antonio
Firstly welcome to dadtalk 🙂
I have sent a link to your thread to our legal experts over at the Children's Legal Centre, it may take a few days to respond do please do hang in there
Cheers
I use a lawyer, and though he charges more than you have been quoted, I consider him worth every penny.
You can take someone in to court with you as a MacKenzie's friend - they can't speak on your behalf, as I understand, but can assist and prompt you, so that you aren't there on your own. I also believe that judges are usually understanding if people are respresenting themselves - they are more concerned with the welfare of the child than being sticklers for the niceties of court.
Sadly I'm unable to afford the hourly rate a lawyer at the moment.
Have heard before that courts would be sympathetic if I'm representing myself with is comforting.
Unfortunately her family have money and have hired a rather nasty piece of work.
Hi Antonio
Buddy i'm sure our legal experts will post soon. they will give you advice about self representation at court as well as what you can expect.
Hang in their bud. 😉
Sadly I'm unable to afford the hourly rate a lawyer at the moment.
Have heard before that courts would be sympathetic if I'm representing myself with is comforting.
Unfortunately her family have money and have hired a rather nasty piece of work.
Taking this from the other side - my lawyer is very good but I don't think he'd have been anything like as successful if it wasn't for the fact that there was a mass of evidence against my ex and an extremely conclusive CAFCASS report. So from your point of view, as long as there is no evidence of wrongdoing against you, their expensive lawyer can't make something out of nothing.
Thanks actd,
Sadly my ex is extremely revengeful as I saw when she divorced her husband a few years back so I wouldn't put it past her and her family to lie, lie and lie to get what she wants.
What kind of accusations are common in a case like this?
What do CAFCASS look for? What type of questions do they ask?
One thing she can't accuse me of is being a good father as she has written a schedule for my access for the next few months.
As it looks like I'm going to have to represent myself I need as much help and support as you guys can give me having been through something similar?
Many thanks again. Really appreciate it.
Dear Antonio,
Thank you for contacting the Children’s Legal Centre, an independent charity concerned with law and policy affecting children and young people.
We apologise for the delay in responding to your question.
At present the mother is the resident parent, and therefore does have the ability to legally control any contact that you have with your son and to even stop contact if she wishes. The resident parent should always be reasonable and not restrict contact without good reason to do so however at present there is nothing to prevent the mother from doing this.
If the mother will not speak with you directly, and you have been asked not to contact her, it may be advisable to send any correspondence through her solicitor so that she can not claim harassment.
Generally the first step prior to applying to court is to suggest mediation. Although this is not legally binding it can help couples come to an agreement and the court does like to see that other methods have been attempted prior to applying to court. This request can be directed to the mother’s solicitor.
For more information on mediation you are able to contact National Family Mediation on 01392 271610.
If this is unsuccessful then you are able to make an application to court. Generally you would be applying for a contact order.
It is quite common that people represent themselves in family courts and in order to make the application you can download the forms, C100, CB1 and CB3, from www.hmcs.gov.uk .
The C100 is the application. This should be filed at the Family Proceedings Court closest to where the child lives, and there is a filing fee of £175. The CB1 and CB3 are guidance on the court process, orders that can be applied for, serving papers on the mother and other useful information.
The matter will then go to court and be heard by the judge. It is likely that there will be several hearings prior to an order being granted.
As you are representing yourself, the court should ensure that you are aware of anything that you are expected to do and matters of process, although they can not offer you any legal advice.
You are also able to have a Mackenzie Friend present in court, which can offer moral support and take notes for you, although they are not able to speak to the court unless rights of audience are gained prior to the hearings.
There is a lot of information available on representing yourself from websites such as www.elc.org.uk (under the headings; law, UK court system and Litigant in Person) and also from the Families Need Fathers website.
Although you plan to represent yourself, the mother would still have a right to have a solicitor if she wishes to.
When making their decision, the paramount concern of the court is what is in the best interests of the child in question. There is a general presumption that contact with both parents is best for a child, and it is very rare that this is not granted.
If a court order is put in place, this will be legally binding. The order will automatically have a penal notice attached to it and therefore you can apply for enforcement if the mother breaches the order and she may be penalised for any breach.
We hope this information is useful to you. Should you require further advice please contact the Child Law Advice Line on 0808 8020 008 and an advisor will be happy to help.
Kind Regards
Children’s Legal Centre
I have to say that my experience of CAFCASS was very positive. My ex was not wholly truthful (to say the least), and her family and friends backed her up, though one or two of her friends at the time did make statements backing up what I was saying, rather than take her side. However, the CAFCASS officer was very astute and produced a report which was very concise and accurate - the court placed a lot of reliance on this resulting in orders in my favour. The courts and CAFCASS recognise that once you are at that stage, there is a lot of animosity and personal opinions and are very good at seeing through this. I was also surprised just how sharp the judges' minds are - they may sometimes appear to be 'doddery old men' but they don't miss much.
My children now live with me, and contact with my ex is very strictly defined, and supervised.
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