Welcome to the DAD.Info forum: We are not open to new posts at this time
Our forum aims to provide support and guidance where it can, however we may not always have the answer. The forum is not moderated 24 hours a day, so If you – or someone you know – are being harmed or in immediate danger of being harmed, call the police on 999.
Alternatively, if you are in crisis, please call Samaritans on 116 123.
If you are worried about you or someone you know is at risk of harm, please click here: How we can help
please help.
about 6 years ago, when i was single, I had a one night stand with a former colleague. She was married with a son but told me she was separated. I honestly can't recall what method of contraception we used. I never saw her again after that night and the last I heard she was back with her husband.
Until a year ago that is when she rang me out of the blue to say that she had got pregnant and has a son. She also told me that she was dying of breast cancer and so wanted to let me know the truth. That was apparently why she hadn't been in touch before.
I met up with her and she behaved very strangely. At times angry. At times understanding. She told me she wanted nothing from me but then threatened to mess up my life. I already have 3 children with my ex wife and since this episode have formed a new relationship.
After a lot of threats and strange behaviour on her behalf I told her to leave me alone which she did for a year but then last Friday she turned up at my place of work making threats and demanding to see me. I wasn't there at the time but got a message. I rang her and asked her what she wanted and she said that her son asks who his father is (she has 3sons and he is the middle one) and has threatened to make me "suffer the way I made her suffer".
I said that if she harassed me then I would call the police. If the child is genuinely mine then I appreciate I have duties towards it (even though she says she wants nothing from me) but I am concerned that she is going to harass me and my family or worse.
What can I do?
Hi there Steve,
Well what a mess! I do have sympathy for her if she is indeed dying of cancer, this could also explain her erratic behaviour, and the anger she says that her son is expressing towards you. Although if he was conceived 6 years ago, he can only be just turned 5 and that's pretty strong language coming from such a little boy....you would think that a child of that age would have been shielded to a greater extent from this kind of information. His young life already sounds fraught with problems....
What do you consider your duties are to him? What do you want to happen? Is a DNA test on the cards?....I think that would be my first step before going any further.
I think you have been in denial for the last year and are in a state of shock that this has come back into your life again. To be honest, I think you need to give yourself some more time to get your head around it.
The mother sounds very volatile and it doesn't look like she's going to go away, which means you are going to have to deal with her at some point. You can call the police and stop the "harassment" with an injunction or such like, but I doubt that will solve anything in the long run and it will continue to disrupt your life.
I get the feeling that you don't want any kind of relationship with the child, thats your choice of course but I urge you to think seriously about this before walking away.
Have you discussed this with your partner? Her opinion is important as this will affect her life too...
Thanks for the reply. I have emailed a solicitor to arrange an appointment as I need to take control of the situation.
- Samaritans – call 116 123
- Shout – text the word ‘Shout’ to 85258
