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Hi All,
Im in need of some help for my partner who I have been with for the last 4 years.
Before me , He was in a relationship with someone for 13 years and they had a little boy who will be about 7 now.
4 years ago my partner found out she was cheating and the relationship deteriated that my partner left her and his son and moved back into his parents as he could not handle the break up.
Whilst moving back with his parents , She sold up and moved address's and has not forwarded any contact details onto him and will not reply to any of his emails. My partner knows she has moved on and now has another child and is not looking to split the family up, But not seeing his son, Is killing my partner and though he does not discuss it often, When he does he is emotionally distraught.
I hate seeing him this way and need to know what it is we can do to gain access.
My partners name is on the birth certificate and is not looking for custody but regular contact no matter how small.
Any advice on this matter would be greatly appreciated
Hi Vicsta,
Welcome to the site and I'm sorry to hear about your partner's current situation.
You mentioned that his name appears on the birth certificate, so he has PR and therefore has a right to be consulted on various aspects of his child's life such as schooling, religion, etc. Unfortunately PR doesn't extend to contact. UK Law determines that this is the right of the child, rather than the parent. Contact is usually controlled by the resident parent (your partner's ex) and if this is being reduced or withheld the non-resident parent (your partner) will have to apply to the courts for a contact order.
Does your partner contribute any maintainence payments to his ex for his child? How long has it been since your partner last saw his son? Is it four years?
He can apply for a contact order, but I think he may need to prepare himself for an uphill struggle. I'm sure one of the other Dad's will be able to talk you through the process, specifically how a court will overcome the obstacle of locating his ex partner.
In the interim, if you have not yet instructed a solicitor, I would call the Coram Children's Legal Centre (CLC) for some free advice on what to do next.
FM '70
I forgot to say that there's a link to the CLC's website at the foot of this page!
Hi Vicsta
Further to Filmakers advice above, have a look at this thread, - the last posting from the CCLC may help you, but if you need further help, let us know, and keep us posted on how your partner is doing - it may be worth encouraging him to sign up on here, as there's plenty of dads to give him support.
Thankyou so much for replying to my email.
Its definetely giving me a path to start following.
In answer to your question, No he has not seen his son for just under 4 years and has not made any child payments either. I believe his ex at the start of the breakup stated if he signed over the mortgage to her, She would not chase for payments but him and the grandparents would still get regular contact which my partner did do but the contact was for a few months only
I believe my partner feels that if he tries to gain contact that he would disrupt his son's family home and also the ex would want 4 years of maintenance.
Unfortunately my partner did go over and see her and though there was absolutely no violence, Words were exchanged which I believe was the last of any visits.
Im going to look at CLC now and will speak to them also, But again thankyou for your support with this
In answer to actd, I would love my partner to ge o line with you guys, However I know he thinks the worse at the minute and I will encourage him to come on here but for now its baby steps and getting advice and maybe a solicitor is a great start for us.
Again thankyou
Vicki
Hi Vicki
Just so you are aware, the CCLC aren't able to give advice if you have a solicitor, so I would hold off appointing one until you have spoken to the CCLC, and also read yoji's posts about representing yourself (top of the legal section) - it may be that you don't need a solictor, the legal process can be horrendously expensive if you are using a solicitor.
the legal process can be horrendously expensive if you are using a solicitor.
ACTD has made a valid point. Instructing a solicitor can be a very expensive process, especially if his ex decides to contest the application for contact. If your partner decides to represent himself he will find the CLC and this site incredibly useful, not just in terms of advice - but emotional support too!
Your ex has to be prepared for some tough questions from Cafcass and the courts. The child's emotional welfare will be everyones number one priority. He hasn't seen or heard from his father in nearly four years and I imagine that his mum has not been too complimentary about your partner. However, if your partner is serious about re-establishing contact, he will be resolved to face these questions and focussed on meeting his son. He can only expect supervised contact to begin with, but one would hope that this could be built on over time.
FM '70
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