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My partner has 4 children ages 6, 4, 3 and 1. Over the new year we became concerned about the interest his ex's partner was paying in the 6 year old girl and the fact that he wanted to still take her out when he had split up with her mum and he would buy her gifts but not the other children.
We decided to keep the children and not return them to their mother as my partner had parental responsibility. Subsequently it went to court and the mother got the children back but a prohibited steps order was in place to stop her partner from seeing the children till CAFCASS could come back with a report. CAFCASS came back with the report and stated that there was no concern with her partner so the judge ruled that he could now see the children. My partner was given a contact order and could see the children every other weekend. Even though we were still worried about the 6 year old.
The mother has now moved in with her partner and left a 3 bedroomed house to move into a 2 bedroomed flat where all 4 children are having to sleep on a sofa. The eldest has been out of school for 6 weeks as they have moved to another are of town. The 2 youngest boys have been playing up for their mother. We have been having the children every other weekend but had notice certian things were happening with the children, they were not being fed. Left to be in wet nappies all day causing sores on their bottoms. We have also found out from their mother (who decides to tell us things when she has fallen out with her partner) that he does not let the boys into the living room so they have to either sit in the hallway or kitchen and that he picks on the 3 year old by calling him names and flicks his ears and slaps him across the head the make him cry.
We have reported all this to social services but felt they were not interested.
However last Tuesday we got a phone call from my partners ex who said that she could no longer cope with the boys and asked us to take custody. We said that we would not want to split the children up so if she wanted us to have them then we would have to take all of them. She agreed to this and contacted Social Services to tell them that she could no longer cope with the children. Although social services never asked us to take them, they did say that if we thought it was in the best interest of the children from them to be with us then we should go and get them. So we did.
Since last week they have been staying with us, we have got them into a routine. The boys are now attending nursery 1 day a week and we are just waiting to get the eldest into a school. As we both work fulltime my mum has been looking after them for us. I will be going on maternity leave in a few months so will be at home with the children myself.
We were told by a friend of the mother that she would be ringing and asking to have the girls for a couple of hours where she would then not return them and just leave the boys with us. And last night that is what she did. We declined as knew what she was doing and advised she could come and see them but not take them out until it was sorted in court. Subsequently she contacted the police and told them we had the kids for the weekend and not returned them so had kidnapped them. The police arrived last night and once we told them the story they were happy to leave the children in our care and said it was up to the court.
Now here comes the problem. We would like to put a residency order in, however our previous solicitor is still waiting payment from the last time we used her (we are paying monthly) so will not act on our behalf till the bill is paid and we pay another £500 upfront. Something we do not have at the moment. She did also state that because of the previous court visit we had broken the court order by keeping the children, however did say that because social services are involved it may not be too bad.
If we were to represent ourself by putting the residency order in how successful do you think we would be? Last time in court it felt like the judge was not interested in our concerns and just thought the children should be with their mother.
The children are very confused at the moment, they have witnessed domestic violence and the 3 year old is acting out and hitting. I have emailed womens aid for help and also young minds as im worried about their state of mind. I just dont know where else to turn.
It seems as though the mother wanted rid of them over the bank holiday period and now wants them back but its really not fair on the children to be dragged from pillar to post. They would be in a much stable enviorment with us and would be cared for and looked after properly but how do we show that to the court.
Any help or advice would be greatly appreciated. Sorry its so long.
Hi,
Firstly, you need to speak to the Childrens Legal Centre - it sounds as though you are currently unrepresented, so they are able to give advice.
There are no guarantees with the court decision, but with what has happened so far, plus the conditions that your children were living in (which was wholly unsuitable for 4 children), it certainly has a lot in your favour. I agree that technically, you have broken the terms of the court order, but in a way, you were forced to do so as your partner's ex could no longer cope - I would say that you certainly have a good argument here.
My advice is to get the children settled into a routine as soon as possible, which I assume you are doing. This bit is unorthodox, but the longer the children are settled into a routine, the less likely a court is likely to move them, so whilst I can't say that you should deliberately delay things, you certainly don't want to be rushing things along - take the maximum allowed time to do everything you have to and ask for another Cafcass report in court (to confirm that your partner's ex's arrangements are unsuitable, and that yours are best for the kids). By the time this is all in court, you could be months down the line and the court will have to have a very good reason to uproot the children again. Courts also generally prefer to keep children together, to your partner's ex wanting to take the girls only will help your argument further.
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