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Hello
My x partner and myself separated just before Christmas under distressing circumstances. After various fights and arguments with threats of suicide and killing the kids from my x i eventually called the police one night when she ran at me with a kitchen knife narrowly missing my head, with the kids in the room as well as my mother and 11 year old sister.
She was arrested and spent the night in jail and i was left with the kids for the evening, the next day i had a knock on the door, opened it to find 5 police men and a woman from children's social services asking that i hand over The Kids so that they could go back to My x's house. I asked why and the one of the PCS explained to me that while in custody my x had accused me of raping her.
the kids automatically had to go to her as i had been accused of committing a crime.
My X dropped the charge as soon as the Kids were back with her.
My x went to court and dispute breaking her bail several times was let off and nothing happened with the false rape claim at all.
When I was back home I called and asked social services to bring the children back as my x's accusations had been proven as purely malicious and simply made up to prise our children from me.
All i was told was no youll have to go to court to see them.
I was with my x partner for two years and we have 1 child together however my x partner has another child (M), who called me daddy also.
I have seen my daughter and M a few times since we separated for a few hours here and there.
.
The reason I am posting is that my x partner is now refusing any type of contact with my daughter or M.
Although I am on a reasonable wage I have a big mortgage to pay on my own from a previous relationship and I neither can afford or want to go down the distressing court access route.
I have tried arranging to see my daughter and M to no avail and My Emails are just ignored by my x now.
I am named on my daughters birth certificate and duly pay my child support payments as requested.
I miss My daughter and M so much and I really want to see them again.
I think it’s so important for children to see both parents while their growing up,
I have sent an email this evening to a family mediation service to see if this will help, but i have my doubts.
And the worst thing of all, I have done nothing wrong at all so why do I have to pay for wanting to see my daughter , and my x , who has never had the slightest interest in working in her life will get it all paid for to oppose me. The way in which the system works in this country is complete farce. I am so scared about representing myself in court in case I say or do something wrong.
KInd Regards
A
Hi andpaton
What a terrible situation to be in.
I have feeling that court will be your only option and if what you say is true then you will certainly have some ammunition. Based on what you have said I would strongly question why you are opting for contact rather than going for custody/residency.
If you are planning to go down the contact route, mediation will form a compulsary order. This of course may cost upwards of 120+VAT.
Going for residency would definately be a sensible option given the incidents, charges etc.
May I also just ask how was your relationship?
HI Yoji,
Thank you for taking an interest in my post and replying to me.
The are two reasons I would not apply for custody. Firstly and more importantly, my Daughters older sister, is not my biological child and I think splitting them up would do a huge amount of harm, and I cant go for custody of my daughters sister as she isn't mine, secondly I work a huge amount of hours Mon to Sat so I wouldn't be able to give Her the attention and care she needs on a day to day basis, when i go for contact i will be asking for as much as i can get and work from there.
With regards to the mediation, I have contacted the mediation centre twice in the last month and they are yet to reply to me, the first session is £60 +vat an then the suggested further two sessions and another £140+vat each. which of course I have to pay because I am not allowed legal aid, oh because I have actually made a go of my life and got a job and saved every penny to by a house and got promoted and saved even more to improve my life and try and build a home for my family, and the she takes it all apart and even after all she had from me , she wants more and wont let me see my daughter , and I still end up footing the bill for wanting to see my own daughter. and then when it goes to court I have to pay £170 just to apply to the court, what for? and then I have to pay more to get myself represented properly,
The system in this country for someone wanting to see their daughter is an absolute joke!
With regards to our relationship it was good until she eventually moved in (long story) and then things just went from good to bad and then from bad to worse, with constant threats to harm herself, which she did twice and threats to hurt the kids, although she never did this and ended up how i described in the last post
Hi,
I can understand it from this point of course, rarely is it helpful or beneficial to separate the children and of course i appreciate your predicament relating to work etc.
I would suggest that you at least continue to attempt mediation, i myself personally could not afford it, and thankfully when i explained my financial situation the courts fully sided that i could indeed not afford this.
So you know its actually £200 now to raise a Contact Application. Please be aware that you are coming over as bitter and i would say yes its understandable, but don't become bitter or hung up over it.
Yes you have made a go of it and good for you and the only thing you should now concentrate on is your child(ren) and yourself. Your ex is now merely a person with whom there will be a history between, and thats exactly all you need to know.
Likewise she will test your patience on occasion but just ignore it, annoys particularly bitter ex's more when you don't engage. She is looking for a reason to have bad come to you now. That is free advice.
Please keep us informed of how you go on 🙂
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