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Hello to you all, I am not sure if this is the correct forum to post in as I am not seeking Legal Advise but I cannot find the appropriate forum elsewhere.
I have two children and they stay with me two or sometimes three nights per week (Fri-Sun or Fri-Mon), I also have my children extra during holidays.
At the moment I live in a one bedroom flat with my partner and when my children stay with me my son sleeps in the bedroom with us and my daughter on the sofa.
I have been waiting to rent some social houses just built near me, I have waited 4 months and got a viewing last week. Whilst there I was asked to show child benefit forms to prove I have children. Of course their mother gets child benefit not me, in fact I have no evidence at all I have my children because my agreements with my ex are informal.
I pay 20% of my post tax income to my ex in payments, I do have a letter from the CSA to prove this but nothing about access. They told me I need to provide them with proof by next week or I do not get the house.
I spoke to my ex about us making a formal agreement through a solicitor but she has refused. According to her it is me 'scheming to pay less CSA', we both know that I should only pay for the days I have the children (for me a minimum of two days per week) so she'd stand to lose 28% of what I pay her. I told her that this wouldn't be the case, that on the agreement I will be happy to state that I will pay the current amount, but still she will not agree to it.
Two weeks ago she was crying and telling me how much she loves me and wants me back, after I asked her to sign this she said she would do nothing to help me and my partner get a house.. Even though we are moving for the sake of the children, to give them both a bedroom.
My option is of course to get a solicitor and go through Court, but of course that takes time and really I've waited for so long and would be gutted if I lose this house now.
Is there anything I can do? CSA do not deal with access ofc, so they can do nothing for me. They will not accept a signed letter from my ex they said it has to be from an official source. I really wish I'd know this 4 months ago :/
Any advise will be greatly appreciated.
Hi,
having the child benefit opens many windows and a lot of agencies use it as proof of you having children living with you
here's a link to shelter there's a section on over crowding and how you work it out
www.shelter.org.uk/SocialHousingCrisis
www.gingerbread.org.uk/factsheet/27/Housing-options-for-single-parents
Do as much research as you can, did they give you there policy on housing . did the council accept you on their waiting list
I would get a letter from your local mp to explain your situation
Your only other option would be to rent a bigger place and like Bass said pay what your supposed to be paying this would help with the rent
Id agree pay what is recommended then supplement as an addition. This needs to be formalised as it has the potential to get messy.
Good luck
Thanks for the replies.
The issue right now is not the fact that I pay more than I should for the kids. This is an issue that I will work to resolve some time in the future and thank you for the advice on that, but right now the important thing is being able to prove that I have my children 2-3 days a week.
In regards to the house I am going for, it is under the Governments rent to buy scheme with Yorkshire housing. It is not that the house is cheaper in general and financially I would be better off, but rather the fact it is close to my work, it is ideal for the children and a mixture of other things. It's not about the money it is about being able to provide Yorkshire housing with proof that I have my children.
The woman I went to see said she cannot just take my word that I have them, or anyone could just walk in and apply for the house, and I must provide her with evidence that I have the children. It is this that I am struggling with, other than a letter from a solicitor I don't know what I can do.
A birth certificate or CSA payments do not provide evidence that I have the children over night. Hope this helps clarify things a little better.
Probably an obvious question, but have you asked them what they consider acceptable as proof? They should know what they will and what they won't accept.
I did ask several times but she didn't specify. I think she was as clueless as I was.
She just repeated that it had to be something 'Official'. She said evidence from the CSA about payments and 'something official about access'.
I have attempted to speak to my ex again in the last hour. She is refusing to sign anything at all and said as I am 'harassing her' she will cut off access altogether until I take her to Court.
Great stuff :/
I'm sorry to hear that. I'm at a loss what to suggest as you ex holds all the cards at present. It may be worth asking whether any such accommodation will come up in the near future, and assuming it will, then postpone this and go for a contact order so you have certainty of that..
It seems like I will have to forget about it and apply for somewhere else. It's so stupid that something so trivial can prevent me moving into a house I have waited four months for. Such a waste of time..
Hi did you get a terms and conditions leaflet of what the requirements to rent to buy were
No I didn't get any leaflets at all. A viewing was arranged and I turned up alongside several other people. I haven't seen any terms and conditions.. I was just told verbally that I needed evidence I have children and have them over night.
I am about to e-mail them with a letter from the CSA showing I make payments, but cannot provide them with evidence of access..
Could you explain that the mother is being obstructive and request that they write a letter to her just to ask for confirmation of access. Or perhaps you could get a letter from them to show to your ex to prove that there are no hidden agendas, and that she would be helping her children by complying....a long shot I know :unsure:
Another option would be to ring the main office of the organisers/agents to see what they consider proof, if the agent who showed you the property didn't know that is not an adequate answer...."proof". Even in the solicitors I worked for, we had to state what proof we needed of evidence. I would certainly let them have a copy of the CSA information, that is proof you have the children as a starter...secondly..did you use a solicitor in any of these agreements? Very often a solicitor will write a letter.
They surely must provide you with a method of proving that the children stay over, it's not your fault the mother won't help...if you pay through the CSA, do they make a reduction for the overnight contact, if so they should write you a letter confirming this. It's so unfair that you are penalised in this way.
It all boils down to the magic child benefit payments, its like if you have that it opens up the doors
Thank you for the replies.
I did send them a letter proving that I pay CSA. I doubt it is enough, she did keep repeating I need proof of over night stays. I was told I'd be contacted today if I was successful so I fear the worse :(. My Solicitor has now shut down and I have no letter about access. The only letter that was ever sent was from my solicitor to my children's mother and she agreed to it verbally.
Since I posted this things have started to look bleak unfortunately. My ex has changed her number and blocked me on Facebook so I cannot contact her. I guess her plan is to cut access and make it impossible for me to prove I have the kids and therefore lose me the house.
The last conversation we had was about how 'unfair' it is that she is on the Council waiting list and yet I'm 'given' this opportunity so easily, and how she is signing nothing that will get me and my partner a house. Though we don't need this house for us, we need it for our kids.
I suppose I'll look for a private rent, like I mentioned previously this was a great opportunity for me, but not due to finances. I'll lose a great house but I can settle for less :). Taking her to Court is the next step I suppose..
Jealous bitter women..
@ Nannyjane.
I pay the full amount despite me having the children. One of the reasons she won't sign anything official is that she will be paid less (even though I stated I'd pay her the same still, and would have this recorded on the agreement). Her all philosophy is 'Do as I demand or don't see your kids'. Anyway I have looked around these forum and read alot of threads and it's nothing new ofc.
Theres nothing to stop you from going through the CSA yourself...As she is behaving so badly and it looks like she is going to deny you access anyway you have nothing to lose!
There is an informative sticky at the top of the Child Maintenance section called " How does the CSA calculate payments" have a look at that and you can also google the CSA calculator, input your details and they will give you a guideline amount that you should be paying.
If I'd have known about this earlier I would have suggested you use the maintenance payment as leverage...you could have said to her that if she didn't play ball you would go through the CSA and pay maintenance at the CSA rates, which would mean she would get less, and if she stopped contact you would take it court and get a defined Contact Order. It would have been worth a try. 🙁
Got some really good news today, after explaining the situation to the housing agents they decided they'd take my word for it and gave me a house! It wasn't the same one as I wanted but it was very similar, a little smaller, but 3 bedroom. I went to look at it after work and we're really pleased.
Thanks for the advise here, really opens your eyes up to the difficulties we fathers face with the smallest thing. Everything on these forums does..
I contacted the CSA but they are refusing to adjust my payments as they contacted my ex and she denied I had my children at all. I told them the claims were laughable, that I'd had my children almost every weekend for over a year but they told me right now I don't have them (I missed one week due to their mother cutting contact), therefore they will change nothing.
Same old same old, but I'm really happy there are some understanding people working in the Social Housing sector. I feel great.
That's fantastic news Kris, I'm really happy for you!
The CSA are a bunch of gangsters... it might be that you will need to go to court for a Contact Order just to get your rights and to stop her from denying contact whenever she likes.
In 2014 the CSA will change. The new system is all about parents making the arrangements between themselves, if they don't the CSA will still administer it but they will charge both parents for the service. Have a read here -
www.gingerbread.org.uk/content.aspx?CategoryID=925
Excellent news on the house 🙂 Might be worth going to see your MP about the CSA as well.
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