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Hello, I am new to this site and have been looking through page after page on the internet for the past couple of days trying to find out some information after my ex made a proposal that has confused me.
I will apologise in advance as this may be a bit long winded however I feel I need to give some back ground to get the best possible responce from the forum.
I split from my ex girlfriend (never married) about 7 years ago not on very good terms at all I took her to court and got set access with a court order, I have always paid for my daughter who is now 8, to start with when had a arrangement between ourselfs untill she decided to involve the CSA (that she had contacted when we first split but was happier with me paying her direct) Like a fool I always gave her cash so needless to say when the CSA got involved I had back payments to make as well as I had no proof of what I had payed. As time moved on we started to get on better and the CSA continued to take the payments even though I was paying double (in my eyes). I still see my daughter every week and pay the CSA. I now have another daughter who is 3 and a 6 month old son with a new partner and a couple of years ago my ex got married to her new partner and she is now expecting another child. I changed jobs just before christmas and became self employed, I informed the CSA of this and was told that they would not take a payment for a couple of months until they can see my earnings from being self employed. At the end of last week my ex sent me a message asking if I was sorting things out with the CSA as she had had no money, I replied to her saying I was and her responce is what totaly confused me......
She said that if I didnt want to make payments any more then that would be fine as long as I agreed to her husband having parental responsibility of my daughter. I didnt respond to her to do my home work first, after a lot of time on the internet I could not find out what her motivation would be for this as she would not really gain a great deal. I have spoke to a family lawer who has said she wouldnt really gain much and if she wanted to go back on the agreement she could get the CSA back involved.
If I agreed to this then I would set a bank account up for my daughter and put the money straight into that for when she turns 18.
I was wondering if anyone else has ever had anything else like this or any further information, as far as I can see I dont loose any rights at all so I am really confused as to why she would do this as she has always been take take take.
If the CSA saw the agreement would they stop her from re-opening the case?
What would parental responsibility gain them as husband and wife?
Sorry for the long story and Thanks in advance
Gareth
Hi Gareth and welcome to the site
It sounds like you have been fair all the way through this and I think she may be trying to call your bluff a little - it may be she sees parental responsibility as adoption or something.
It may be worth contacting the Childrens Legal centre - they should be able to offer you some advice
Hope it all works out
Hi Gareth,
If her husband has PR, he would be able to continue to have custody if she died or was seriously injured/ill.....this could be to keep the children together perhaps, and to prevent you from stepping in and seeeking custody.
As far as the CSA are concerned, you dont need to have PR for them continue to take money from you.
Hi There,
I would be very careful about accepting that sort of arrangement until you have checked (and double checked) the implications of it. My view would always be that this is your daughter and if it were me I would want to be contributing to her up bringing.
I don't think yoy would loose any rights if this other guy had PR but he would be able to act in cases of emergancy (if I understand it correctly) I would also be concerned about the CSA side of things, if this chap is given PR and the agreement is that you no longer pay CSA I would want to be 100% confident that the CSA would be chasing me further down the line for payments I hadn't made.
I can see the benifits of the other guy having PR so he could act in an emergancy if ever needed,
This could become complicated so I would maybe try and sit with a solicitor and get everything checked first.
Darren
Hi Gareth
Thank you for your post. Unfortunately, I can't answer any queries relating to specific Child Support Agency (CSA) cases as Child Maintenance Options is a separate organisation. However, if you'd like to contact the CSA directly, I'm sure they'd be happy to answer your query relating to your case. You can find contact details on any letter the CSA have sent to you. Or, you can find the right number here: https://www2.dwp.gov.uk/csa/v2/en/contact/index.asp.
For more information about family-based arrangements and to access our useful tools, guides and forms online, you can visit http://www.cmoptions.org. Alternatively, if you'd prefer a confidential chat you could call the Child Maintenance Options team on 0800 988 0988 (free from a landline). We also have a web application that you may find useful. It offers help and support to separating and separated families. The link is: http://www.dad.info/divorce-and-separation/sorting-out-separation.
Hi all and thanks for your posts,
I have spoke with a family lawer and have been informed that this sort of arrangement is a load of coblers as it is a legal requirement to pay matinence and there would be nothing to stop my ex contacting the csa in the future to start claiming again even if I had a signed bit of paper.
As far as the PR side all they would gain is for hustband to be involved in the decision making of my daughters future (which in all honesty he is anyway as her step dad), I would not loose any rights as her father,
So I think that maybe she is just trying it on because it does not make any sense to me why she would off that to me
Thanks again for the responce
Gareth
Hi,
I have to say that was my fear, The fact that you have to pay towards your childs up-bringing would over ride any agreement.
Glad you got a firm answer on it though.
And it seems you are being pretty straight about you ex's new husband's envolvement in your childs life.
Darren
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