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I have a seven year old son. I have had fortnightly access to him for the past 4 years (Friday and Saturday night). This has all gone well and he gets on fantastic with my wife. We had a few issues with his behaviour however this settled rather quickly after my wife became involved in his discipline. I tend to shout whereas she is very calm and speaks with him. He seems to respond well to this and we have not had even one incident with his behaviour in over 6 months.
I have a very volatile relationship with my ex and she hates my wife. This is for reasons of her own which I feel may be related to jealousy that my wife also plays a mother role to our son. For the past 12 months my ex has been calling me regarding our sons behaviour at her house. She says our son "kicks off"at least once a week. At first I thought it was that he was jealous as she has gone on to get married and have 2 further children with her husband. I wondered whether he felt left out but now I am not so sure. She has started spending one on one time with our son but he still misbehaves. His behaviour became so bad at one point that the school began contacting her on a regular basis and eventually she moved him to another school as she said it was the school that wasn't supporting him.
She says he has autism or ADHD however a behaviour specialist has observed him at school and has said that there is nothing wrong with him. I know there is nothing wrong with him as we do not see this side to him. My ex has now confirmed that he is violent toward her and her husband. He tells her he hates her, doesn't like her, she is ugly and has also recently said that he wishes he was dead.
I am becoming more and more concerned regarding his behaviour. I feel that 7 year old is too young to be saying he wishes he was dead but I daren't ask him how he is feeling because of the fall out. I once asked him before and he told me that he didnt feel loved at his mums. We told her and she told our son he was stupid and she didn't want to speak to him for the rest of the weekend (he was staying with us). Also if we ask him how he feels, she says we have put words in his mouth and so I don't to make things worse.
I would really like some advice on what to do as I feel the only hope is to try for full custody to see if this sorts things out but I know that this will involve lengthy battles in court etc and I worry that this will also make things worse. I feel that I am in a corner and am so worried about my son's behaviour and mental wellbeing. I don't know what to do or who to turn to as the slightest thing will make my ex try and stop contact or make it difficult to have him. My son regularly tells me that his mum hates my wife and that his mum says nasty things to hi about my wife. I dont feel this helps how he feels but cannot broach the subject with my ex as this makes things worse.
Is there anything I can do?
Please help.
Hi there and welcome 🙂
If you believe your son is at risk and have serious concerns about his mental well being then you could try talking to the Social Services. If you tell them that your ex is wrongly stating he has Autism/ADHD, even though this has been declared untrue by a behavioural specialist, then this may ring alarm bells, especially as she has changed his school. The other worrying aspect is that at 7yrs old he wishes he was dead and I too find that upsetting. If you share your concerns with them and tell them that you think he is at risk then they may investigate...
There could be some flack from the ex if you do involve Social Services, but your little boys well being is more important.
Before taking this course of action you could try Mediation, this may help you and your ex to talk through the issues that are concerning you, and there will be a trained mediator there to guide you both. Heres a link ~ www.nfm.org.uk
Best of luck with it all 🙂
Social services are involved with my daughter, they dont seem to have much power, and they are not good at saying what should happen. But they are now saying that they recomentd a residence order to me.
My daughter is 12, so its more a matter of her wishes, altho my daughter keeps playing us both against each other and cannot make up her mind.
Things may well get worse before they improve; I could well support my daughter staying at her mums, but perhaps that is not right.
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