[Solved] How many days should a dad see his child?

Hi Rob,

There is some research that indicates that contact should be in small bursts if a child is very young, some talk about separation anxiety if a young child is separated from its mother...absolute rubbish in my opinion! There is also research that indicates that there is no ill effects and it is better for the child to have as much involvement as possible with both parents.

What might be helpful in this case is some case law where an applicant has been awarded a more realistic level of contact.

It also might be helpful to put a schedule of increasing contact together. If you have not seen your son whilst the court process has been going on then it's reasonable that the first few visits would be supervised at your parents house, but that should only be in place for a month or so so that the child can get to know you again. By offering to slowly increase contact, it shows that you are thoughtful to the changing needs of the child. I would suggest you ask that after a month of 4hrs on a Sunday at your parents house you ask that that be increased to a full day at your own home. After 3 months, all being well you would like that to increase to an overnight stay. It would be better to move your day to a Saturday at this point so that you can pick him up on Saturday afternoon, have him overnight and take him back on Sunday afternoon. At some point through this you could ask that a mid weekly visit be introduced so that you are seeing him more regularly, perhaps a Wednesday tea time for a couple of hours. The increase should be moved forward in small steps with a goal in mind. By the time your child is 2 you would therefore hope that you would be getting a full weekend from Friday evening to Sunday evening every fortnight with a mid weekly contact and if possible (due to work commitments) that being overnight.

If this is not granted at the appeal my advice would be to wait three months and go back to court for a variance of contact. At that point you would argue for the increasing schedule and you could also ask for extra time in the holidays so that you can take him on holiday, and shared special occasions like Christmas and birthdays.

Unfortunately I too had this problem with the courts.
After only being allowed supervised contact with my son for 6 months (no safeguarding issues whatsoever), I took my sons moher to court and was granted 10 hours a week with him at my home, 5 hours twice per week. It began at one hour at visit, slowly increasing. I was disappointed considering I used to care for him around 3 days a week, all day, when he was very small. At the time of that order he was around 12 months old.
When I went back for my second hearing, I naturally asked for contact to be increased. Mother said no, judge agreed and they closed the case! With some good advice from Nannyjane I wrote to the judge and requested another hearing. I'm fortunate as it had been granted and I will be in court in around 2 weeks time.

What confuses me most is your apparent lack of a second directions hearing. Was a further hearing not discussed by the judge?

Thanks Nannyjane.

I also believe it is absolute rubbish and I was hoping to put together some information to take to court next month which would back up my argument that 4 hours a week is not suitable for a young child's development and is also not enough to build a bond with a father.

I thought that with all the incredibly poor and biased cases that maybe some hard research might have been done to prove that children need to see there dads more that a ridiculous few hours a week.

I would love to be involved in and fund such research to give dads who are going through the same process as myself something to take to courts to prove that what these 'Judges' are actually signing off is complete rubbish!

Kind Regards.
Rob Owlett

Hi Dad407.

I really feel for you, this situation is horrific and I cannot believe that in this day there is nothing in place to stop this sort of thing happening. In my opinion the mothers in question are being bad parents by not allowing their children to see there dads and they should be the ones punished not the dads. Using a child as a weapon because of jealousy or any other reason should be illegal and punishable!

The Judge originally put in place a review for 3 months later. As my son turns 1 in September I asked for this to be brought forward so something could be put in place for me to see him for his birthday. The Judge then decided to bring it forwards a few weeks but still 6 days after his birthday. I am convinced he was biased and am taking a solicitor and recording equipment the next hearing to see if he behaves in the same manner.

Good luck to you in 2 weeks time and hope all goes well.

Rob Owlett

There a lady called Karen Woodall she is an acknowledged expert with separated families and she may be able to,advise you about your approach. Here a link to her blog and you can get info about how to contact her through that, I know she is more than happy to help if you drop her an email she will respond, usually with helpful info.

www.karenwoodall.wordpress.com

I would advise strongly against taking recording equipment into court. Family Law courts are closed courts and you would be held in contempt and likely imprisoned for this!

As you requested the review was bought forward and it has been then I would put your schedule together and have it ready when you return in September. It's unlikely that you have any redress to appeal the order because its an interim order and will only be in place until the next hearing, if the contact has gone well then the judge will probably increase and drop the supervision...this is the next step and what you should be asking for as I recommended in my first post.

The system works at a very slow pace but if you stick with it you should get to the position you want to be in. Try not to go in all guns blazing, it's always much better to be seen as calm and reasonable and compliant....it will get you much further.

Obviously if you feel the need to be represented at your next court appearance then make sure the solicitor knows what you are asking for and puts your case forward from. If you get the schedule down on paper ask the solicitor to file it so that the judge has a chance to look over it before the hearing.

Hi Rob,

It seems we're in a similar sort of boat with all this. I couldn't agree more. My ex willingly tries to convince my son that her new partner is Dad, and will often bait him to choose between us - even a such a young age. I really wish the courts would step in on this sort of behaviour as in the long run it could be very damaging for my son. I don't want him to feel torn.

Thank you for your well wishes. I am very lucky to have been given another hearing, and am considering legal help, if I can find a way to afford it. I wish you best of luck with your appeal. Though if it doesn't succeed, there's always the next hearing.
The only advice I can give is to always keep a full diary of contact, and that compliance is key sometimes. The more reasonable you are, the sooner it becomes clear how unreasonable the ex really is.

If you ever want to chat, just drop me a message.

My experience shoes how much courts vary,the judge in my case made sure I was given a lot of time with my then 12 month old son.Told my ex if it wasn't substantial contact that she was offering he'd give me 50-50. It's disgusting how if you are in a relationship you get all the time you want with your children,but because the relationship ends you are suddenly meant to cope with 5 hours a week. I'd keep fighting until you get the access you deserve,but i'm sure you will anyway

My heart goes out to you,childs best interest.....what a joke.
I think it so wrong that one person,,judge should decide these matters,surely a group of experts would be better placed
there is no justice for fathers

This is interesting and something I am likely have to argue for in my circumstances. I will do a literature search and feed back in due course.

Does anyone know of any case law where this has occurred? I suppose if someone fancies screening through the law journals or otherwise and feedback that would be good.

Having a schedule is the best thing to do....I will use the 5hrs as a starting point, in 3 months I would like to increase this to 8 hours. At 10 months, breast feeding shouldn't be an issue. By a year you should also be arguing for overnight contact as children should be(!?) sleeping through.

I also take the view that you should also draft a welfare checklist as well and include the points about not having contact do in terms of affecting the bond if sufficient quality contact is not reinstated.

Good luck!