[Solved] I just want to be a dad to my child

Hi Dec

Oh dear, that is a sad story, and I am sorry to hear that it drove you to such depths. 🙁

She is quite obviously egging you on, trying to drive you to do something stupid so that you would breach the Non Mol. Please do not contact her for any reason whatsoever, not by telephone, letter, email or someone else. She wants to make you out to be the bad guy.
She sounds very dangerous, particularly if she attempts to hurt her unborn child! She will do and say what she wants to get her own way!!

There is no point in going into Court crying her eyes out, if she was that [censored] scared of you, there are alternative place in the Court for scared women (and men) to sit!!!

I doubt you will hear from CAFCASS until you have the psychological reports, hers I think will make a good read!

I would suggest that you keep notes or run off print outs of what they do and say about you over the internet, what they write to you about, or txt you about and report them all to your solicitor.

The Court would appear to be seeing through some of he things that she is saying, thank goodness. And you have the benefit of a solicitor too!

Please please please do not rise the bait - that is what she wants. Even if she says you can have contact, do not rise to the bait, don't accept the contact, and speak to your Solicitor about it.

You will get plenty of support in here. 🙂

Oh and by the way, how lovely to hear that you have such a great relationship with your other ex 🙂

Thank you! 🙂

I deeply regret what I tried to do to myself, but at that moment I saw it as the only way out of how I was being treated, A way out of all the hurt, a way out of all the future hurt.

At that time she had destroyed my life, I was left with just the clothes I was wearing, I'm glad I have managed to turn my life around now i'm away from her.

There is only one week left of this Non Mol thank god, I've had a year of I wouldn't go out on my own unless I had someone with me in case I got accused of something, She phoned the police the night before the first court hearing to try and get me done for a breach simply cos I had got a copy of my childs birth certaificate. She will do what ever she can to get her own way and doesn't care who she has to stamp on whilst doing it.

She isn't scared of me, it's all a smoke screen to get attention. She loves to play the victim. She got moved from a top floor one bedroom flat into a house simply cos she kept accusing me of driving past her flat, flat to a house hmmm.

The psychological reports are now complete, i'm expecting to get copies on monday when my solicitor returns from holiday. By the looks of it my ex already has copies, shes making out it makes her look good and me look bad, she wrote something like dream on if you think your getting access after this report and she can't wait for the next hearing.

Hopefully they are seeing through it, there is so much evidence of her lies and it has been hard to get someone to listen, I felt all through this I have just been trying to defend myself, i'm not interested in anything but my child. When I get my interview with Cafcass i'm just gonna remain child focused, Explain the benefits of him having a relationship, even go as far as saying I would like to help and support mother when needed.

Only a week to go to the end of the Non Mol, then I would play my cards carefully she sounds the type that she would allege it again...so to be honest, I would certainly keep going out with people! Sorry for that I bet you are so looking forward to your freedom! But from what you have written, I really think she could start again :boohoo:

As you said, she will to any lengths. So still please be careful.

Hahaha...yes, move from a flat to a house?? Hmmm!

As to the psych reports, I repeat what I said earlier, she is trying to get you to rise to the bait, DO NOT!!! Wait until you get your own copies of the psych reports before anything else. Don't forget, she most certainly is not going to put anything bad about herself on the internet is she but slap you down all the way. Print those off and give them to your Solicitor.

Unfortunately the men are hard done by You have to remember that in DV having been alleged, the Court is only looking at matters from the child's point of view, and what is in the best interest of the child. On the whole the child has a right to contact with father.

Its good to remain child focussed with the CAFCASS. Please try not to come across as bitter against her. I would not offer to help and support (other than by having the child) because of the Non Mol.

Make yourself bullet point list of what you want to get across to CAFCASS. It will help keep you focussed too 🙂

Yep I'm just keeping myself to myself, every court appearance so far her solicitor says her client benefits from a Non Mol. Be gladto see the back of it. Slightly worried in case she tries for another but she would be silly to as iI have clear evidence this time around to contest it and iI wwon't have her blackmailing me not to contest it. When I presented this evidence to the judge he felt there was no need for a fact finding hearing so that gave me some relief that someone actually saw a snippet of the truth.

I'm going to be honest and say I really wish all the stuff she has alleged did happen, that way for myself I would understand why I have missed almost my entire sons life. But as it is as it didn't happen I'm just left feeling empty and hard done by. I also feel immensely sorry for my child.

I felt when I saw the doctor he had already done report on mother in the morning. It felt like she had got in his head. I was very surprised about the lack of mental health questions, I guess it caught me off guard as I was prepared for that yet all he spoke about was what happened in the relationship.

I know for a fact the child will be much better off in life with my involvement. I have a wonderful relationship with my other two children and have unlimited access to them. I guess that's what makes this all so confusing for myself. My solicitor said a while back she thinks I will get access and my relationship with my children will help swing that. However I just feel the courts are gonna believe her and I end up getting no access.

With Caffcass I want to stay child focused but I just know there going to ask loads of questions about me and mother. I think a route I may go down is possibly provide them with the evidence I have and then let them make their own minds up about that and just keep talking about the child. All I want is what is best for my child.

"Slightly worried in case she tries for another "

And that is why I said what I said previously, if nothing else she could do it just to cause you problems. :boohoo:

Yes your relationship with the other two children will help you tremendously and will be taken into account when the court considers the case too 🙂

I still don't think that I would go the complete route with CAFCASS that you are looking at, after all they will also have received a copy of the court documents fled with the court to date, they will receive the psychological report and if you and your ex have yet to file statements, a lot of that evidence can be contained in your statement. They may ask some questions about the "DV",just be honest with them. Others in here may have other ideas though.

Focus on contact, possible places for contact to take place, someone dealing with handover, etc etc, all those positive issues should be put to CAFCASS.

My solicitor said to me it's very unlikely she would be granted another one if she did apply and in fact it could help expose her lies, The non Mol was based on one serious allegation, that allegation I now have in my possession a police report which clearly states the police attended her address, They spoke to her, asked if she was ok she said yes, they asked if I made any threats etc and she replied no. I would imagine her solicitor would advise her to not bother as it could impact the child proceedings. I'm gonna feel such a sense of relief and have my freedom back once again come Friday but I am fully prepared for a fresh allegation. Would she be able to receive legal aid for a fresh application for a Non Mol?

We have previously filed statements and scott schedules, The judge looked at them and basically dismissed them both saying there's no evidence and a fact finding hearing would be unlikely to establish the truth.

I purely want to remain child focused, but like I said there has been a lot of stuff wrote on social networks that cafcass wouldn't be aware of so I feel I need to slip that in somehow. Also in her statement she denied being with her parter (for what reason I don't know) however the police confirmed to me after a domestic incident between her and him that he is in fact living with her and my child. In light of this I think he sorta needs to be in the reports so it's a true reflection of the situation. I have plenty of evidence again that their together. This partner has previously threatened me and recently wrote over his dead body will I ever get access to see his son.

I made it clear in my statement I would be prepared to start contact off in a contact centre to establish a relationship. as for handovers etc i'm completely stumped. My ex don't drive, I do. we live about ten miles apart. I wouldn't feel comfortable going to her home town and I very much doubt she would allow someone to pick him up on my behalf.

I don't like my ex, However we need to try and sort something out cos all this is not good for the child, I don't want him having a life where mother and father are constantly fighting over him, What about school plays etc? I don't want there being a atmosphere for his sake. It's so frustrating cos I am an adult and act like one however her and her family act like children and they can't put differences aside for the child. It's so sad.

Hi Dec

If she was able to prove DV ...yes she would be able to apply for legal aid, but as has been said, the proof to be provided is in much more depth now. However I think, as does NJ that there will be many many more false allegations in order to sort children matters out now that legal aid has ended. I hope things go well for you on that score!

As for telling CAFCASS that your ex new boyfriend is living there and it can be proved, yes you should tell them and back it up.

Well you might have to do handover, but always take someone neutral, but do come up with some ideas that you can put to CAFCASS. At the end of the day if she is that hostile, I don't think you have any choice but a contact centre, and she has to get herself there...they have buses??!!!

Yes I so so so agree with your final paragraph, parents and families should at least be civil if nothing else at family occasions, after al it is because of the child that parents, families etc are there. Unfortunately there are not so many occasions when that works out :boohoo:

There is no evidence at all, Just allegations. It was only granted last time as she blackmailed me not to turn up at court and contest it. If she did again it would be fully contested and my evidence that the allegations are just that given to them.

Just an update, The psychological reports are back...

Not been given copies yet however spoke to my solicitor today and i'll get the copies tomorrow. Mine came back not good but as expected. The real major concern was he thinks I don't handle break down in relationships which is rubbish.

But on the other hand mothers report has mentioned there is concerns about her!! Yay!! Finally someone is starting to see what i'm saying is true. What these concerns are my solicitor didn't say but tomorrow I will know. However the doctor hasn't offered any recommendations on either report.

Feeling slightly more upbeat now and feel like it's not completely as one sided as it once was.

I'm just hoping as mother is currently the resident parent that those concerns will be taking quite serious and could have a considerable affect on the child and that her behaviour could ware off on the child.

Hello Dec

Hang on in there mate and remember what it's all about! I don't have any legal advice as I came onto here for advice myself.

One thing I do have some experience is with all the social media [censored] that they like to put up. Everytime I argue with my ex or she doesn't get what she wants she jumps onto her facebook account to slag me off. Eventually I deleted her and made my life so much easier not reading her constant [censored].

Best thing I can say is just avoid it all and keep away from it. They put [censored] up like that purely to wind you up and get attention for their sad lives. My ex has lost almost all of her friends now because of the witch she has become.

Another thing would also be to avoid text messages. Seems to be the easiest way into an argument. Not sure what contact if any you have now but if she still messages you I would change your number and just have her contact you via your solicitor. Never know she might wind you up on purpose just to take your messages to her solicitor once your wound up!

Not much help I know but after reading your posts I felt the need to reply.

Good luck

Thank you,

Hanging on in there has become somewhat of an art form now 🙁 seem to be a expert at it. I was hopeful it was gonna come to an end once the reports had been concluded however looks like now where we have further consultations with the doctor. Hopefully I may be able to secure an interim order in the mean time.

The social media stuff is done in an attempt to try and wind me up and hurt me. If people like to use their children like that then they got serious issues.

On one hand I like to ignore it but on the other hand they give me some great pieces of evidence.

I have changed my number many times this last year cos she keeps trying to call me to get me to drop my application.

Thank you for your reply and I was you luck.

Hi Dec

If reading FB comments worries you/concerns you/makes you anxious, is there someone else you could get to print the off for you just so that you do not have to read them until perhaps you absolutely need to?

As for the psych's report stating you don't handle break ups well...hmmm...well I might be stating the obvious but does anybody???? Very happy to hear that her report is not half as good as she made it out to be!!

I don't like looking at all, I don't want nothing to do with mother, I just want a relationship with my son. My partner deals with it all for me so I don't have to look. The only reason we do this is because it gives me evidence of her lies to the court such as her relationship which she has tried to hide from the court.

The psychiatric reports are back. I've had all day to go over them. i've been diagnosed as having a personality disorder with features of emotionally unstable and dis-social personality disorders. Not exactly sure what to make of it at this moment. Some things I do happen to agree with, Others I don't and i'm surprised by some glaring omissions. It has led me to ask questions about myself which I guess can only be a good thing. His diagnosis was based on the assumption that my ex parters allegations were true. He has said he thinks i'm a risk to others, I am a risk to my ex parter and child due to my unpredictable, irresponsible and irrational behaviour and my child could be at risk of emotional hard if he witnessed such behaviour.

It goes on to say people with this disorder tend to be bad parents and can subject their children to this behaviour. This I completely dispute as I have shared residence of my other children (this is not mentioned in report) and I do absolutely all I can to give them a good life, I take my parenting very seriously and I am very proud of the way my children are turning out. It goes on to say my behaviour means my childs needs may not be met, again rubbish as my children's needs are fully met by me. he's concerned I would not be able to provide my child with a stable,secure,consistent and nurturing environment.

He believes I wouldn't seek help for this despite in the past going to seek help many times. He ends it off by saying he has concerns about my parenting ability for the foreseeable future.

At the moment feeing slightly down about these findings. Feel as if a picture has been painted that isn't entirely true. If things were true I would accept them as I do accept some things but I find it impossible to accept things that are not true. Also the fact my positive relationship with my other children and the postive impact I have on their lives was not mentioned in the report gives a false picture. With this I think my chances of contact are now very very slim. However I would not have brought these proceedings had I considered myself a danger or unable to care for my child. In fact I have brought these proceedings to try and protect my child.

Next mothers report. Well... I'm not sure where to start. Lets remember at court she was against having this report done, now I know why. She also refused her medical files until two weeks after the assessment and the reasons for that are also now clear. Mothers mother has a history of depression following the break up of her marriage. my ex partner was deeply affected by this. She did not have a relationship with him after this. She suffered bullying at school, she then claims she was bullied at work also.

She accepted a caution for assault in 2012. there is a dispute about her medical history which the author raised doubts about. In her assessment she had told the doctor about periods of depression. however once he had accessed her medical files it became clear her depression was worse than she made out and had been present for longer than she made out. also shows on her files she has a history of self harm, she cut herself with a knife. She was prescribed medication but this was changed because she struggled with aggression. The medication was not effective and she discontinued using it.

Her findings are she appears to have some personality traits that are relevant to the current proceedings. Father has made allegations which if true would suggest a greater degree of personality disturbance.

There is great inconsistencies in mothers account and causes of her depressive symptoms. She reports a history of being bullied at school at work and in relationships with men.

Mother has traits of emotionally unstable personality disorder which are significant in the current proceedings. There is evidence mother is prone to outburts of emotion, intense unstable relationships, conflicts with others, emotional instability and self harming. The reasons for the inconsistency are that she feels a chronic emptiness, feeling low for a number of years. Her personality disorder often makes her feel weak and vulnerable and defective. She tends to perceive the world as being threatening.

fathers allegations carry some weight due to her admitting to her doctor she struggles with aggression. This would mean fathers allegations that child could be at risk may be true.

At times of emotional stress, particularly when mother feels lonely or unsupported or when she is in a conflicted relationship mothers mental state may deteriorate to the point where her problems with aggression and deliberate self-harm may re-emerge. In such situations I would be considered that child could be exposed to high levels of conflict and possible aggression and violence, causing physical or emotional harm. If mothers mental state deteriorated he is also concerned that his emotional needs could be neglected as she became preoccupied with her own mental state and not his.

As with me he has concerns about her dealing with the emotional aspects of parenting. His concerns is that she will not be able to deal with the emotional stresses of parenting which increases as child gets older, This could be worse if she feels alone and unsupported.

He is concerned there will be further problems in the future, He is concerned about her tendency to form intense unstable relationships with high levels of conflict and repeated separations and reconciliation's.

Mother does not acknowledge any of her problems so therefore wouldn't seek any help.

So that's about it.

Both are bad, Mine is based on allegations whereas hers is based on evidence. Tbh I don't think it is looking good for either of us now. I am delighted that what I have been telling them about mother they have finally seen. Previous to this everyone was saying she is no risk and I was making it up to be malious and they saw her as little miss perfect. I am now hopeful my son may be afforded some protection. Recently there was a domestic incident between her and her new partner so currently the risk is high.

What to do now I don't know, What the courts are likely to do now I don't know. However considering both of our reports are very similar her decision to deny contact doesn't look too good. Surely the view should be taken that she has denied contact because of her concerns, yet her diagnosis is very similar to mine and considering as my child is currently in her full time care the risk of the child is currently more from her?

I have always known the risk to the child due to the behaviour I witnessed from mother. Her report is exactly how I would describe her. I'm happy they now see she was not as innocent and perfect as she made out and concerns have been raised about her ability to tell the truth and her aggression.

I feel were in for the long haul on this one but in the meantime my son still remains at risk from her and that worries me greatly.

Any adice and feedback would be much appreciated.

I think at the moment, with reports that do not look good for either you or your ex, it's probably best to let your solicitor suggest where to go now and whether there is anything you can do to correct the errors in your report.

Hi actd,

I've got a meeting with my solicitor later this week where were gonna go over it all. The factual errors I can certainly dispute. I've got lots of positive things in my life like having shared residence of my other two children yet this report fails to say anything positive about me at all.

I really don't have a clue what is gonna happen now, Both our reports have came back pretty much the same, I consider hers more serious as the child is not having any contact with me so the risk is non existent currently where as with her he is with her 24 hours a day and she has a partner living with her where it looks as if already there is problems in the relationship.

The plus side is her reasons for denying contact is exactly the same reasons I have applied for a residence order, her concerns about me are the same concerns that's now been raised about her.

My thoughts are if i'm never gonna get contact then the same applies to her? However I have the trump card that is I have my other two children 3.5 days a week and my eldest is 8 and there has never been any problems at all.

I would ask your solicitor whether it wold be worth your other children's mother preparing a statement as to hat you are like as a father. Also suggest any parenting courses you could go on, whethr your willingness to do so would help you.

I would ask your solicitor whether it wold be worth your other children's mother preparing a statement as to hat you are like as a father. Also suggest any parenting courses you could go on, whethr your willingness to do so would help you.

Hi Enyamachaela,

I think you must have psycic abilities as that's exactly what the mother of my kids suggested to me today and she left a message for my solicitor to contact her.

My report has frustrated me as it says things like I would be unwilling to seek any help or attened courses etc when in fact I would do everything I could. I consider myself a good parent but as a parent you never stop learning so if going on a curse will help me learn more and help me become an even better parent then i'm all for that. I'd do anything for my children.

I'm seeing my solicitor on Friday to go through the reports with her so the next few days i'm gonna go through them and point out the factual errors etc.

Good news 🙂 the Non Mol is now finished. Not heard anything about another one so think that's sorted now thank god. Can now start living my life again.